Is there such a thing as healthy jealousy in a loving relationship or does it just cause conflict? ( Archived) (36)

That is a very good explanation Obs. I love it that whom I love fear of losing me. I think there is a value that I can't take for granted in that perspective. Allowing me to feel loved by the fear of losing. But not so much as being so insecure and asks me to curtail any communications with anyone.
I used to be with someone that examines all my responses on any given blog, thread etc. and it is my fault that I have laid such stupid "come on" to people when all I wanted to do was express my opinion. The one I am with now is so understanding and secured in our relationship that even if I am here blogging, posting, it doesn't bother him. He does express that I am his and he is mine and we just love each other. No our relationship is very exclusive and very healthy.

Absolutely. To me, and indication of a healthy relationship depends on what makes both individuals happy. I don't want to be owned. Neither does my partner. We are very honest to each other and there is nothing that each does without the knowledge of the other. I have always been a very monogamous person, always will, and demand that on any of the relationship that I had or will have. I lay all the foundation that I expect in my relationship at the very beginning, what I don't want and what makes me happy and likewise learn what makes my other half happy. Then it is very natural to just be who we are and if it works then we go from there. Before I was married, I had the engagement period for about three years for that reason. Compatibility is a must in any healthy relationship. Learning each other's ways is good start to make it work. If almost 98 percent of divorces arise from "irreconcilable differences" then would it not make sense to work on compatibility? To me that is what it takes. I was married for 28 years and together for 31 years with a man that still wants to be with me. But I changed. Circumstances fell in our path that made me walk out on that part of my life.

I would say that if I stayed married with him, I wouldn't have experienced all these remarkable happenings in my last for the last 6 years now. No jealousy had nothing to do with anything.

Anyways, a very good topic Greg.

"But HERE is one problem, with this assessment. EVERY woman I've ever been in a significant relationship with, has complained (in one way, or another) that "I" am NOT jealous/possessive ENOUGH! It seems that women, for some INCOMPREHENSIBLE (to ME) reason, REQUIRE some degree of "jealousy" to assure them that they are "important" to the man in their life! That their man "values" them."

Let, you are very expressive and I learn a lot from you.

Here is my take on your point of view. Jealousy is healthy in a relationship as long as both see it that way. Please go back to post number 7 of Chesney. That is a very simple explanation for me.

But my own experience is this. Who I am is a very important beginning. Recognizing who we are and who the person we want to be with is equally important. When we work on building the foundation of a good relationship then we must learn and pay attention to what works to build a good foundation of that relationship. We can't change to fit into who we are. However, as long as we are willing to change ourselves, and we can, to accommodate those traits of the one with are with, then there is no reason why that relationship wouldn't work.

Jealousy as an indicator of something not pleasant and work on it is good for me. Once or twice. But when a person is jealous for the sake of being jealous, that is a poison and very suffocating. I was with one of those and even though love was so strong, I didn't like the to be controlled and or accused of things that weren't true. If I say, I am exclusive, demand it in a relationship and honesty is a must, then it is. I will not tolerate anything that undermines that.

Anyways, yes jealousy is a part of our human elements. It is good if we know how to address and treat it as an indicator. Recurring jealousy is not good and it signifies the lack of compatibility in the union as a whole.