Low Self Esteem ( Archived) (26)

Feb 25, 2018 4:38 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
I have just had a virtual relationship with a guy with a very low self esteem.

I felt very sorry for him, as he is fat, and is trying to make up for it, by at first make belief that he is perfect, which of course he's not. He's a very nice person, but his low self esteem makes him very defensive. U r treading on eggshells for 8 months. I tried, but it did not work out.

I wish people would realize that getting thin is a minor, as long as the personality is there, and he has plenty of that.

lips
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Feb 25, 2018 5:28 AM CST Low Self Esteem
S. Yes, low self esteem is a curse, sometimes life long. And it often leads folks to make choices not in anyone's best interest. Your example of an obese man is perhaps one of the best, although it may be that women and girls like that suffer more. Being short, too tall, poor, not pretty, slow, religious, and so on are often the issues for society in general, and bullies specifically. Plenty of evidence that slim, pretty, taller people get better deals, job offers, and so on. It's changing with affirmative action, but still exists. Glad you tried to be this fellow's friend, and that you can put it out there for others to consider as to their own behaviors/biases/choices. V-Aa.
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Feb 25, 2018 5:32 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Deedee123x
Deedee123xDeedee123xLimerick, Ireland69 Threads 4,795 Posts
Vierkaesehoch: S. Yes, low self esteem is a curse, sometimes life long. And it often leads folks to make choices not in anyone's best interest. Your example of an obese man is perhaps one of the best, although it may be that women and girls like that suffer more. Being short, too tall, poor, not pretty, slow, religious, and so on are often the issues for society in general, and bullies specifically. Plenty of evidence that slim, pretty, taller people get better deals, job offers, and so on. It's changing with affirmative action, but still exists. Glad you tried to be this fellow's friend, and that you can put it out there for others to consider as to their own behaviors/biases/choices. V-Aa.


Very well said.
Love this
thumbs up
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Feb 25, 2018 6:21 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
Harbal: Is this the same guy that's been vibing you from miles away and keeping you awake at night?


I would say the only way to make up for being fat is to lose weight,


Yes, we had some bond, which is not impossible for me, but generally the other party does not feel it. I can thus feel his emotions and feelings. It is a form of empathy, when used in the hospital I worked in, was very traumatic right after school, so I had to find another vocation very fast. Talking to the computer instead.
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Feb 25, 2018 6:39 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Harbal
HarbalHarbalSouth Yorkshire, England UK49 Threads 3 Polls 2,248 Posts
Deedee123x: Not terribly fond of the word fat.

Its derogatory, overweight is more appropriate.

It ain't over till the overweight lady sings isn't quite as snappy. Could you make allowances in some circumstances?
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Feb 25, 2018 6:44 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Deedee123x
Deedee123xDeedee123xLimerick, Ireland69 Threads 4,795 Posts
Harbal: It ain't over till the overweight lady sings isn't quite as snappy. Could you make allowances in some circumstances?


It aint over till the Yorkshire man pays for a round!!!! cheers
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Feb 25, 2018 6:47 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Harbal
HarbalHarbalSouth Yorkshire, England UK49 Threads 3 Polls 2,248 Posts
Deedee123x: It aint over till the Yorkshire man pays for a round!!!!

That means it lasts a long time, I thought that would have appealed to you.
hug
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Feb 25, 2018 7:05 AM CST Low Self Esteem
marlindaponline today!
marlindaponline today!marlindapClearwater, British Columbia Canada577 Posts
I have had a friend like that for years, he was always putting himself down and i could not leave the friendship. After being friends for 8 years i finally see him changing and one day i hope he sees how truly lovely he is.
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Feb 25, 2018 7:07 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
marlindap: I have had a friend like that for years, he was always putting himself down and i could not leave the friendship. After being friends for 8 years i finally see him changing and one day i hope he sees how truly lovely he is.


Hi, yes the same here !
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Feb 25, 2018 7:28 AM CST Low Self Esteem
KremaP
KremaPKremaPAt home, Shumen Bulgaria3,793 Posts
Trying to make people believe how valuable they are is a very hard work...
If the personality counts more than the way someone looks, why those same people are so bothered with their looks.
Weight for example is a question of self control and determination, it's nobody else's fault...
But brain unfortunately you can not provide for those missing it...
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Feb 25, 2018 7:33 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
KremaP: Trying to make people believe how valuable they are is a very hard work...
If the personality counts more than the way someone looks, why those same people are so bothered with their looks.
Weight for example is a question of self control and determination, it's nobody else's fault...
But brain unfortunately you can not provide for those missing it...


Looks, we have all been brought up with, must be good. Pretty people get further than ugly ones, the same with drive and determination. U have to want something very badly before u can make the effort to get it to happen.

Oh. This guy is now on a natural selective food diet. Let's hope it works for him ?
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Feb 25, 2018 8:09 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
Miwagi: This woman shows how to deal with it.


Really, so fat people, must embrace themselves, and not complain about it, or feel bad about it, and not wish to be thin, for health, and aesthetic reasons ?
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Feb 25, 2018 8:28 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
ChesneyChrist: Their tireless efforts to please you are very nice and everything, but it gets a bit cloying and hard to respect which only seems to make the problem of self-esteem worse. They need someone uplifting in a down to earth way, not the forced rapport of a one-sided relationship.


My dear Cc.
By now with ur remarkable brain and attitude:-
Why have u not realised that I'm not really interested at all.
Wake Up and Smell the Roses ?
I have been single since 1992.
Do u really believe with my Looks and Brains, I could not find a man ?
Ur very Stupid indeed !!!
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Feb 25, 2018 8:32 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Harbal
HarbalHarbalSouth Yorkshire, England UK49 Threads 3 Polls 2,248 Posts
Miwagi: No sign of low self esteem in this post.

scold
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Feb 25, 2018 3:52 PM CST Low Self Esteem
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,301 Posts
Has he mentioned he's depressed because of his weight or are you presuming the depression is because of his weight?
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Feb 25, 2018 4:11 PM CST Low Self Esteem
Bristol4You
Bristol4YouBristol4YouBristol, England UK4 Threads 2 Polls 54 Posts
It's going to be a vicious circle isn't it? Feel less good about yourself, stay home, stop socialising, eat more, no exercise, become sedentary, the weight goes on, you end up becoming fat, the cycle continues, and the fat just increases as it is not getting burnt off.

It isn't just the diet that needs to change, his lifestyle will have to include exercise as well. Even people who don't get much exercise can still be slim, they just need to limit their food intake to match how they live.
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Feb 25, 2018 5:05 PM CST Low Self Esteem
marlindaponline today!
marlindaponline today!marlindapClearwater, British Columbia Canada577 Posts
self esteem does not always mean good or not good looking, my friend is very handsome but thinks he is not good looking. People can dislike themselves for many reasons and yes those friendships are very difficult
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Feb 27, 2018 2:52 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
The secret is to build these people up, without them realizing it, and voilà, u have a whole person, with No shortcomings.

Psychology is a background. U have to care to make these people be whole.

Somewhere in their pasts, something happened, they must get over it, simple. It can take a couple of months or a lifetime.

Good luck.
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Feb 27, 2018 8:22 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
Kaybee50: Is this person a forum participant?


Keep ur nose out of other's business.
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Feb 27, 2018 8:58 AM CST Low Self Esteem
Snookums33
Snookums33Snookums33Joburg, Gauteng South Africa601 Threads 2 Polls 5,760 Posts
Kaybee50: That's a nasty response.
You make it everyone's business when you post it on a public forum.
She evasion of my question pretty much answers it for me.
I am certain I know who this thread is talking about.
Since you can pick up his vibes, can you feel how deeply in pain he is feeling right now?
How horrified he must feel to read these things you've written about him?
I am hurting for him to be treated in such a matter.
He is not a lab specimen and you are not a psychologist.


U care nothing, it is all over u. One of the empty ones, like the ones u hangout with here. Big mouths, and nothing else.
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