The Biggest Mistake you can make is... (105)
Let_Us: Hi KL
Do you see the bizarre combinations / toxic mixtures we are allowing to permeate?
THAT'S your question from your earlier post, that elicited my "effrontery' and "not believing anything I've written" comment, KL! To ME, you're questioning my ABILITY to "perceive" the (what "I" would call) INSANITIES of life, IMPLIES that YOU MUST think I'm PRETTY STUPID!...
....ALMOST ALL of human "unhappiness" CAN BE traced back to a person's "expectations". It's the FAILURE to MEET a person's "expectations", that's the ROOT of their BEING offended! NO expectations, NO failure, NO offense!
Do you see the bizarre combinations / toxic mixtures we are allowing to permeate?
THAT'S your question from your earlier post, that elicited my "effrontery' and "not believing anything I've written" comment, KL! To ME, you're questioning my ABILITY to "perceive" the (what "I" would call) INSANITIES of life, IMPLIES that YOU MUST think I'm PRETTY STUPID!...
....ALMOST ALL of human "unhappiness" CAN BE traced back to a person's "expectations". It's the FAILURE to MEET a person's "expectations", that's the ROOT of their BEING offended! NO expectations, NO failure, NO offense!
Ahhhh! I see what you are referring to now! Post #75.
I went and reread what I had written. It actually was three different sections, and each not properly concluded. My apologies.
The comment directed to you was only the section above the quote from Lindsy.
The second section was to her and the third was open to anyone.
(I think at one point I had planned a more cohesive thought, but had gotten interrupted... Imagine that happening in my life!
The question at the end was for everyone. "You" should not have been used.
I know better than to use that word!Yes, the teacher side of me wants everyone to see the patterns. That is the toxic mix that I was referring to. People are falling for the attachment of a moral to something that should be solely logical.
Regarding expectations- I totally agree. I expected my ex to keep his promises. I expected a lot from him.
He failed in a number of them.
I walked around for one year moping, and asking 'why?', saying I didn't deserve to be treated that way.
But then I woke up. I realized I was being offended and hurt based upon my imposed expectations upon him.
I asked myself, "Is that really freedom?"
So, in my own life I learned to let go and give the people around me freedom - freedom to be who they truly are.
(For those familiar with my story, you understand how our society pressures people to "hiding in a closet"... and the explosion that can happen when they come out....)
My point is, we all need to do a little growing up.
Expectations only lead to disappointment.
And the biggest mistake we can make is carrying around the dead weight our own hurt feelings.
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Kaylana04: Ahhhh! I see what you are referring to now! Post #75.
I went and reread what I had written. It actually was three different sections, and each not properly concluded. My apologies.
The comment directed to you was only the section above the quote from Lindsy.
The second section was to her and the third was open to anyone.
(I think at one point I had planned a more cohesive thought, but had gotten interrupted... Imagine that happening in my life!
The question at the end was for everyone. "You" should not have been used. I know better than to use that word!
Yes, the teacher side of me wants everyone to see the patterns. That is the toxic mix that I was referring to. People are falling for the attachment of a moral to something that should be solely logical.
Regarding expectations- I totally agree. I expected my ex to keep his promises. I expected a lot from him.
He failed in a number of them.
I walked around for one year moping, and asking 'why?', saying I didn't deserve to be treated that way.
But then I woke up. I realized I was being offended and hurt based upon my imposed expectations upon him.
I asked myself, "Is that really freedom?"
So, in my own life I learned to let go and give the people around me freedom - freedom to be who they truly are.
(For those familiar with my story, you understand how our society pressures people to "hiding in a closet"... and the explosion that can happen when they come out....)
My point is, we all need to do a little growing up.
Expectations only lead to disappointment.
And the biggest mistake we can make is carrying around the dead weight our own hurt feelings.
I went and reread what I had written. It actually was three different sections, and each not properly concluded. My apologies.
The comment directed to you was only the section above the quote from Lindsy.
The second section was to her and the third was open to anyone.
(I think at one point I had planned a more cohesive thought, but had gotten interrupted... Imagine that happening in my life!
The question at the end was for everyone. "You" should not have been used. I know better than to use that word!
Yes, the teacher side of me wants everyone to see the patterns. That is the toxic mix that I was referring to. People are falling for the attachment of a moral to something that should be solely logical.
Regarding expectations- I totally agree. I expected my ex to keep his promises. I expected a lot from him.
He failed in a number of them.
I walked around for one year moping, and asking 'why?', saying I didn't deserve to be treated that way.
But then I woke up. I realized I was being offended and hurt based upon my imposed expectations upon him.
I asked myself, "Is that really freedom?"
So, in my own life I learned to let go and give the people around me freedom - freedom to be who they truly are.
(For those familiar with my story, you understand how our society pressures people to "hiding in a closet"... and the explosion that can happen when they come out....)
My point is, we all need to do a little growing up.
Expectations only lead to disappointment.
And the biggest mistake we can make is carrying around the dead weight our own hurt feelings.
HI KL!
As ALWAYS, reading YOUR posts, IS/ARE a pleasure!But THIS "IS" gonna HAVTA "BE" short! (Of course, with ME, "SHORT" IS a relative term!
) You taken up HALF of my ALLOTTED loquaciousness, BEFORE "I" even BEGIN! (And besides, I have a appointment at/with the library, soon!) SO! From the top! Let's begin.Yes! IF you had used the term "One", instead of "You"! Or IF you had made THAT comment on a separate, UN"attributed" post, I would NOT have BEEN "offended"!
To the "interruption(s)", in MY imagination, YOUR WHOLE LIFE must BE one BIG interruption!
#3. IF a mind IS operating PROPERLY, a person CAN'T NOT "see" patterns! "Pattern Recognition" IS the basis of MOST human knowledge! So you SHOULDN'T HAVE to "want" anyone to "see" the patterns! I THINK "THAT" IS/SHOULD BE a given! It's when you notice that person ISN'T seeing "patterns", that you nee to WORRY! THAT indicates there's something "organic" wrong, WITH the brain.
Morality and Logic. Agreed! 2 DIFFERENT things! Logic IS a methodology. Morality IS a personally determined "philosophy" of "Life". NO 2 "moralities" ARE the same! Logic IS, and SHOULD BE the same, for EVERYBODY, EVERYWHERE!
Expectations! I WAS pretty sure you'd make the "connection", with NO problems! (IF you hadn't, already. It IS a pretty STRAIGHT FORWARD "link".) And I'm GLAD to hear that you've ABANDONED the "deserve" (an EXPECTATION) modality! NO "GOOD" will EVER come of it! And I'm ALSO glad you've learned the lesson that you CAN'T "give" freedom, to ANYONE BUT yourself! And IF you DO THAT, then you LET/ALLOW the OTHER people around you, BE free! (I DON'T "know" your story. But I have NO "NEED" to.)
Growing up!
Men (AND women) NEVER "grow up"! The BEST you CAN hope for, KL, is that they'll MATURE/RIPEN, EVENTUALLY! We (SHOULD) NEVER "STOP" growing! When we DO, we're basically "dead"!But I THOUGHT my comment on "expectations" MIGHT alter your thought on the BIGGEST mistake! IF you eliminate the expectations, you eliminate the "offendedness". And IF there's NO "offense", then there's NO WEIGHT of "offendedness" to CARRY around! "Offense" is a SYMPTOM! "Expectations" ARE the "illness"! JMO
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Harbal: I wonder what your exact definition of "being offended" is. Hurt feelings could cover quite a wide range of emotional conditions, in both degree and quality.
To say "can you show me the injury" implies that you don't think emotional state has any bearing on psychological well being. And to say "we need to take responsibility for our reactions " implies a level of self control over a part of ourselves where consciousness doesn't always have much influence.
I agree, it probably is within most people's power to exert some control over how sensitive they allow themselves to be in the face of insult or criticism, but, in extremes, it's not always possible to hang onto the control and telling someone who feels deeply hurt that they have no justification for feeling offended doesn't seem very helpful to me.
I would also challenge your apparent assumption that revenge isn't therapeutic.
Good questiones Herbal. To say "can you show me the injury" implies that you don't think emotional state has any bearing on psychological well being. And to say "we need to take responsibility for our reactions " implies a level of self control over a part of ourselves where consciousness doesn't always have much influence.
I agree, it probably is within most people's power to exert some control over how sensitive they allow themselves to be in the face of insult or criticism, but, in extremes, it's not always possible to hang onto the control and telling someone who feels deeply hurt that they have no justification for feeling offended doesn't seem very helpful to me.
I would also challenge your apparent assumption that revenge isn't therapeutic.
In regard to revanche, I would agre with OP - unfortunately, it isn't therapeutical.
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William Goldman really nailed it when he said: “nobody knows anything” (at the end of a book which the film "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was based on.
I think not only in film but no one knows anything on many-a-things.
William Goldman is arguably the greatest American screenwriter and the one responsible for inventing the modern screenplay as we know it. Goldman was also a novelist and non-fiction writer, he’s the writer behind such Hollywood classics as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (as mentioned) and All the President’s Men...winning Oscars for both...along with such disparate films as Misery, Heat, The Stepford Wives, Maverick, A Bridge Too Far and the much eternally quotable The Princess Bride.
Nobody does know anything and that’s what makes the world go round and round in blissful experimental ignorance and means we should all stop pretending that there’s a science to this and other wonderful "business" that we call "show".
The confusion with ‘nobody knows anything’ really arises when you mix in the people who think they know something, the people who want you to believe they know everything, and the acquaintances, friends and relatives who are as muddled up as you are, and so just start inventing things to try and create order in all of this chaos.
To sum up, the take home message is - Nobody knows anything
I think not only in film but no one knows anything on many-a-things.
William Goldman is arguably the greatest American screenwriter and the one responsible for inventing the modern screenplay as we know it. Goldman was also a novelist and non-fiction writer, he’s the writer behind such Hollywood classics as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (as mentioned) and All the President’s Men...winning Oscars for both...along with such disparate films as Misery, Heat, The Stepford Wives, Maverick, A Bridge Too Far and the much eternally quotable The Princess Bride.
Nobody does know anything and that’s what makes the world go round and round in blissful experimental ignorance and means we should all stop pretending that there’s a science to this and other wonderful "business" that we call "show".
The confusion with ‘nobody knows anything’ really arises when you mix in the people who think they know something, the people who want you to believe they know everything, and the acquaintances, friends and relatives who are as muddled up as you are, and so just start inventing things to try and create order in all of this chaos.
To sum up, the take home message is - Nobody knows anything
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DoubleFantasy: William Goldman really nailed it when he said: “nobody knows anything” (at the end of a book which the film "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was based on.
I think not only in film but no one knows anything on many-a-things.
William Goldman is arguably the greatest American screenwriter and the one responsible for inventing the modern screenplay as we know it. Goldman was also a novelist and non-fiction writer, he’s the writer behind such Hollywood classics as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (as mentioned) and All the President’s Men...winning Oscars for both...along with such disparate films as Misery, Heat, The Stepford Wives, Maverick, A Bridge Too Far and the much eternally quotable The Princess Bride.
Nobody does know anything and that’s what makes the world go round and round in blissful experimental ignorance and means we should all stop pretending that there’s a science to this and other wonderful "business" that we call "show".
The confusion with ‘nobody knows anything’ really arises when you mix in the people who think they know something, the people who want you to believe they know everything, and the acquaintances, friends and relatives who are as muddled up as you are, and so just start inventing things to try and create order in all of this chaos.
To sum up, the take home message is - Nobody knows anything
I think not only in film but no one knows anything on many-a-things.
William Goldman is arguably the greatest American screenwriter and the one responsible for inventing the modern screenplay as we know it. Goldman was also a novelist and non-fiction writer, he’s the writer behind such Hollywood classics as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (as mentioned) and All the President’s Men...winning Oscars for both...along with such disparate films as Misery, Heat, The Stepford Wives, Maverick, A Bridge Too Far and the much eternally quotable The Princess Bride.
Nobody does know anything and that’s what makes the world go round and round in blissful experimental ignorance and means we should all stop pretending that there’s a science to this and other wonderful "business" that we call "show".
The confusion with ‘nobody knows anything’ really arises when you mix in the people who think they know something, the people who want you to believe they know everything, and the acquaintances, friends and relatives who are as muddled up as you are, and so just start inventing things to try and create order in all of this chaos.
To sum up, the take home message is - Nobody knows anything
Including YOU, DF! This is NOT a NOVEL idea! It's not even a NEW idea! What do you think Socrates was thinking about, when he wrote: "I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think." If you're only NOW figuring THIS out, well, I guess I can say, "Good beginning!" 
But IF you think you're making some great contribution to knowledge/wisdom, you're MORE than JUST A TAD late! But I'll give "B-", for effort!
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This would be a mistake I think
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Kaylana04: The Biggest Mistake you can make in life is being offended.
"You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
The biggest mistake I can make is to trust an untrustworthy person and despite obvious clues & signs that a person is not to be trusted. "You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
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rizlared: Always thought revenge was a waste of energy, getting even feels worthwhile though
Alright Mr. English Professor. PLEASE define YOUR "difference", between "getting even", and "revenge"? 
Or are you BEING your USUAL selective self, and spouting YOUR version of the "rules and regulations" of/for the English language? ------ This thread is Archived ------
Let_Us: What do you think Socrates was thinking about, when he wrote: "I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think."
I'm sure you'll correct me about this, Let, but it was my understanding that Socrates never wrote anything down.------ This thread is Archived ------
Life is to short to be offended I guess,totally agreed l!!
Thanks for that thoughtful write up!!
Thanks for that thoughtful write up!!
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Harbal: I'm sure you'll correct me about this, Let, but it was my understanding that Socrates never wrote anything down.
To be ABSOLUTELY honest, Harbal, I DON'T KNOW whether he EVER wrote ANYTHING down! But there's a LOT of "written" material attributed to him. Some things ya just GOTTA take, on faith! WASN'T there! DIDN'T know the man! 
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Kaylana04: The Biggest Mistake you can make in life is being offended.
"You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
Biggest mistake we can make in life just as in politic is: being taken by words and not look at the action !"You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
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Well, I got out of bed.
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Kaylana04: The Biggest Mistake you can make in life is being offended.
"You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
The biggest mistake you make is you don't get to decide if you have hurt someones feelings."You hurt my feelings!!"
It is based upon egotism and wrong beliefs.(I don't deserve it. It's not fair. etc...)
"Emotions aren't random. They follow from beliefs."
We always want to punish the 'offender' - not realizing the damage we are creating by being 'offended'.
Was the offense truly directed at you? or are you merely a party who was involved against your choice?
Is revenge the best route to go? If so, what is gained by it?
And as for 'hurt feelings' - can you show me the injury? It's about as absurd as 'saving electricity' ...Can you show me the saved amount?
Being offended consumes so much of our internal energy. It turns us into negative people that others don't want to be around.
Not to mention, that when we hold it as a threat over other people, absurd governments write lengthy documents about how to not offend people.
It's called Political Correctness.
We need to grow up and take responsibility for our own actions and reactions and stop being offended.
The second is to assume.
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Let_Us: To be ABSOLUTELY honest, Harbal, I DON'T KNOW whether he EVER wrote ANYTHING down! But there's a LOT of "written" material attributed to him.
I think most of what we know about Socrates comes to us through Plato. I know all about this stuff, Let, I'm an intellectual, you know. 
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I can be offended by a friend if they're too lazy or just plain ignorant about something but I will tell them because I'm very blunt when it comes to me being upfront as being blunt and upfront is a real friend piss arsing me around isn't how I treat my friends so I expect the same courtesy.
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Mercedes_00: I can be offended by a friend if they're too lazy or just plain ignorant about something but I will tell them because I'm very blunt when it comes to me being upfront as being blunt and upfront is a real friend piss arsing me around isn't how I treat my friends so I expect the same courtesy.
yes...i,m the same.....very much to the point..... soooo.get em off...... ------ This thread is Archived ------
truheart1941: yes...i,m the same.....very much to the point..... soooo.get em off......
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your shoes i mean........ 
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To say "can you show me the injury" implies that you don't think emotional state has any bearing on psychological well being. And to say "we need to take responsibility for our reactions " implies a level of self control over a part of ourselves where consciousness doesn't always have much influence.
I agree, it probably is within most people's power to exert some control over how sensitive they allow themselves to be in the face of insult or criticism, but, in extremes, it's not always possible to hang onto the control and telling someone who feels deeply hurt that they have no justification for feeling offended doesn't seem very helpful to me.
I would also challenge your apparent assumption that revenge isn't therapeutic.
Always thought revenge was a waste of energy, getting even feels worthwhile though