A few gags ( Archived) (16)

Apr 4, 2018 4:39 PM CST A few gags
Meehan25
Meehan25Meehan25Norwich, Norfolk, England UK1 Threads 1 Posts
I don’t often do threads but here are a few gags to hopefully
bring a smile or a laugh to some people on here,

I played in a band in Bermuda and the guy on the triangle disappeared.

I went for a job as a lumberjack, they asked have you done it before and where,
I said I have do e it before it was in the Sahara,
They said, that is a desert, I said, it is now.

A coach load of Irish were on a mystery tour so they had a sweepstake to guess
where they may end up, the coach driver won £52.

I went to the local library I asked have you any books on suicide,
The lady said they have but they never bring them back.
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Apr 5, 2018 1:50 AM CST A few gags
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
What did the farmer say to the cow sitting on his roof?

What you doing up there conversing

What did farmer say to cow the next day still sitting on his roof???

Get down from there!! rolling on the floor laughing
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Apr 5, 2018 1:51 AM CST A few gags
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,301 Posts
Gawd laugh
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Apr 5, 2018 1:55 AM CST A few gags
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
Mercedes_00: Gawd


grin
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Apr 5, 2018 1:57 AM CST A few gags
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,301 Posts
angel
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Apr 5, 2018 2:07 AM CST A few gags
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
conversing scold giggle
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Apr 5, 2018 2:11 AM CST A few gags
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,301 Posts
burger
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Apr 5, 2018 2:22 AM CST A few gags
HexagonKeySet
HexagonKeySetHexagonKeySetCentral, Waikato New Zealand150 Threads 7 Polls 3,829 Posts
I like telling jokes but I often up hoarse after a run..

So, with that in mind...

Try not to laugh too hard…

A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky.
The landlord says: "Hey, we've got a whisky named after you."
The horse replies: "What, George?"

A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink.
“Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”
"Really" says the horse "Like you need ask..."


A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar.
The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”
The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.
He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?”
The barman says: “Hmm, ok... but don’t you be starting anything.”

A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness.
He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?”
“Why, what have you got?”
“About £2 and a carrot.”

Which side of a horse has more hair?
The outside

What’s a horse’s favourite TV show?
Neigh-bours

An Irish racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet.
“Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks
The vet replies: “Oh, to be sure, to be sure you will, let me know when and I'll have my money on you winning it!

Did you hear about the depressed horse?
He told a tale of whoa!


A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits.


Black Beauty, aye, now that one's definitely a dark horse for you!
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Apr 5, 2018 2:33 AM CST A few gags
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
Sorry to cut you short Hexy cheers



( . )( . )
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Oct 26, 2018 5:28 PM CST A few gags
fuffy
fuffyfuffybedford, Bedfordshire, England UK3 Threads 24 Posts
Why did they chuck Cinderella off the netball team?... Because she kept running away from the Ballrolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 26, 2018 6:32 PM CST A few gags
galrads
galradsgalradsDublin, Ohio USA2,264 Threads 279 Polls 36,283 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing OMG I just do not get islander humour... snort rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing wave
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Oct 26, 2018 6:44 PM CST A few gags
galrads
galradsgalradsDublin, Ohio USA2,264 Threads 279 Polls 36,283 Posts
A Chinese man enters a Jew’s lingerie store

-I want 20 black bras size 85 D.

The Jew:

-Of course, but black is rare color, so their price is 15$ for each one.

-It does not matter,

said the Chinese,

-I'll pay.

He took the purchase and left. After a week the Chinese returns again.

-I want 30 black bras size 85 D.

-Yes, of course,

said the Jew,

-but it's so hard to get them, so now their price jumped to $25 for each one.

-It does not matter, I'll pay.

said the Chinese, paying for the purchase.

A week later, he comes again to the Store Jew.

-I want 100 black bras size 85 D!

-Yes, but their price has jumped a lot,

the Jew said,

-it is extremely difficult to deliver them; Now they are 55$ for each one,

-It does not matter, I'll pay,

replied the Chinese.

As the jew packed the order, angry with curiosity, he asked:

-Excuse me, but can you tell me what do you do with so many bras?

-I cut them in the middle and sell as Jewish caps for 200$.
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Oct 26, 2018 8:25 PM CST A few gags
galrads
galradsgalradsDublin, Ohio USA2,264 Threads 279 Polls 36,283 Posts
A bartender owns a horse who is laughing all day, and whatever he tries nothing helpes. So he put a sign on the bar: The one that makes my horse crying will get 200 pound. Several people tried it, nothing helps. Than an Italian Stallion comes in the pub, he reeds the sign, and asks: Where's that laughing horse.
The bartender said: In the stable, come on, I'll show you.
So they entered the stable and the Italian whispers something in the ears of that horse, who now explodes with laughter. The bartender said: See, it won't work, I'll go back to the pub. While he left the stable suddenly the horse starts to cry.
Well, I'll be damned, how did you manage to let him cry? the bartender asked astonished.
Well, said the Italian. I first whispered in his ear that my willy was longer than his. He exploded with laughter, but then I showed him I was right.

laugh
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Nov 27, 2018 12:44 AM CST A few gags
Kidwell_
Kidwell_Kidwell_South East GBA Province, Buenos Aires Argentina17 Threads 2 Polls 767 Posts
-What does a gay horse eat?

-Heeeeey
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Nov 27, 2018 1:18 AM CST A few gags
Lookin4missright
Lookin4missrightLookin4missrightmelbourne, Victoria Australia400 Threads 24,032 Posts
galrads: OMG I just do not get islander humour... snort
Again??? What is a islander????
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Nov 27, 2018 1:28 AM CST A few gags
Bnaughty
BnaughtyBnaughtyMálaga, Andalusia Spain43 Threads 2 Polls 4,685 Posts
Lookin4missright: Again??? What is a islander????
Someone from an island....morningwave
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