Do you find conversations about death are important but difficult to talk about with people you love (10)
galrads: Do you find conversations about death are important but difficult to talk about with people you love Who are dying.
I do.
am i in the will/not for long now,lol.I do.
Yeah, my mum has decided not to have treatment.
I accept her choice, it's sensible and pragmatic, but I have concerns about her suffering and mood.
It's difficult to navigate, especially as we're both somewhat deaf. Telephone conversations are hard work and not conducive to detail. I have to yell down the blower (and I'm living in a shared house) and as she can't yell, I have to guess at some of what she's saying.
Writing has become difficult for her and we live some distance apart.
I hope she realises I support whatever she chooses in her own best interests.
It's difficult to separate my emotional reaction from the priority of supporting her.
I accept her choice, it's sensible and pragmatic, but I have concerns about her suffering and mood.
It's difficult to navigate, especially as we're both somewhat deaf. Telephone conversations are hard work and not conducive to detail. I have to yell down the blower (and I'm living in a shared house) and as she can't yell, I have to guess at some of what she's saying.
Writing has become difficult for her and we live some distance apart.
I hope she realises I support whatever she chooses in her own best interests.
It's difficult to separate my emotional reaction from the priority of supporting her.
Oh, gee I have a feeling your doing the right thing, Jac.
I had difficulty with dealing with my dad as he passed on. I’m usually terrible with words i use to begin with; add emotions and I worried about showing sadness so he and I talked about superficial less distressing stuff.
In my dad’s case, someone (hospice) recognized my incaoacity to be lucid in these final communications and they pulled me aside and recommended I should relax, be authentic, speak my mind and to mention to my dad that it’s (subject matter) important to me, but to remain compassionate. it was then that I recalled that non-verbal and verbal communications were also at play here and equally important in meaning. So I managed to pull it together.
I do so have to google “blower”
I had difficulty with dealing with my dad as he passed on. I’m usually terrible with words i use to begin with; add emotions and I worried about showing sadness so he and I talked about superficial less distressing stuff.
In my dad’s case, someone (hospice) recognized my incaoacity to be lucid in these final communications and they pulled me aside and recommended I should relax, be authentic, speak my mind and to mention to my dad that it’s (subject matter) important to me, but to remain compassionate. it was then that I recalled that non-verbal and verbal communications were also at play here and equally important in meaning. So I managed to pull it together.
I do so have to google “blower”
Incapacity = incaoacity 
Blower = telephone
It's an old term describing the singularly vocal aspect of the communication, and possibly that people used to blow into the mouth piece to clear bad connections.
Maybe I should look it up myself to find the roots of the slang.
It's an old term describing the singularly vocal aspect of the communication, and possibly that people used to blow into the mouth piece to clear bad connections.
Maybe I should look it up myself to find the roots of the slang.
No, I'm wrong.
It comes from Royal Naval Ships using voice pipes before phones.
A tube with a whistle at each end was used - to attract attention the whistle would be removed from one end and the user would blow down it. When the whistle at the other end sounded, the receiver would remove that whistle, so a shouted conversation could begin.
That's so what it's like talking to my mum.
It comes from Royal Naval Ships using voice pipes before phones.
A tube with a whistle at each end was used - to attract attention the whistle would be removed from one end and the user would blow down it. When the whistle at the other end sounded, the receiver would remove that whistle, so a shouted conversation could begin.
That's so what it's like talking to my mum.
galrads: Do you find conversations about death are important but difficult to talk about with people you love Who are dying.
I do.
I found it difficult when my mother told me she only had a few weeks left to live because she wouldn't discuss any of her funeral. I think she thought if she didn't discuss them, she wouldn't die. She was 57 at the time.I do.
For my father who later died at the age of 83, he had everything in place and I respected his wishes.
My children will not discuss what will happen when my time is up..what I want is a simple direct cremation and they have been told. In fact it will be out of there hands when my time is up.
Tresssa: I found it difficult when my mother told me she only had a few weeks left to live because she wouldn't discuss any of her funeral. I think she thought if she didn't discuss them, she wouldn't die. She was 57 at the time.
For my father who later died at the age of 83, he had everything in place and I respected his wishes.
My children will not discuss what will happen when my time is up..what I want is a simple direct cremation and they have been told. In fact it will be out of there hands when my time is up.
Your mom passed on young too. My last wife passed @ 54 and we were both in a protective denial up to the night before she passed. My mom had everything planned coordinated and paid for when she passed. Maybe that was a distrust issue. For my father who later died at the age of 83, he had everything in place and I respected his wishes.
My children will not discuss what will happen when my time is up..what I want is a simple direct cremation and they have been told. In fact it will be out of there hands when my time is up.
Strongly believing funerals are for the living, I won’t have one. Just put me in a cardboard box and shove me in the ground next to my last wife and update the monument to include my last day breathing this side of green. My obit will read my name with born n death dates only.
Thanks for the info on the blower info Jac. My mom and her only sister lived right next to each other and for three years before my mom passed they would only communicate through U.S. Postal service.
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I do.