Lawyers in the courtroom............unreal............... ( Archived) (6)

Hear are some excerpts from actual court cases.

Lawyer: Did you blow your horn or anything?
Witness: After the accident?
Lawyer: Before the accident.
Witness: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Lawyer: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Lawyer: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Lawyer: And Mr. Johnson was dead at the time?
Witness: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Lawyer: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Lawyer: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
Witness: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Lawyer: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Lawyer: And by whose death was it terminated?

Lawyer: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And what were you doing at that time?

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July fifteenth.
Lawyer: What year?
Witness: Every year !

Lawyer: How many times have you committed suicide?
Witness: (looking confused) Is that a question?

Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Lawyer: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Lawyer: Were there any girls?

Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?
Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?



Lawyer: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Lawyer: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?
Witness: What do you think counselor.


Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness: Excuse me counselor can you repeat the question?


Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me"
Lawyer. And did he kill you?
Witness: Yes!


Lawyer: (Showing the witness a picture) That's You?
Witness: Yes.
Lawyer: And you where present Right ! when the picture was taken ?

Why don't you send this to him he may like it