Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes. (23)

Jul 10, 2018 1:17 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
BigGuyLondon
BigGuyLondonBigGuyLondonGreater London, Outer London, England UK8 Threads 4 Polls 42 Posts
Purely for the lols,. what are some of your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes?

Put 'em below, let's have some laughs. I'm expecting many to be NSFW, pah, we're adults, let's 'ave 'em anyway! :)
Jul 10, 2018 1:28 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Mine are too rude and crude.
Jul 10, 2018 1:48 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
BigGuyLondon
BigGuyLondonBigGuyLondonGreater London, Outer London, England UK8 Threads 4 Polls 42 Posts
GREAT, let's have the least offensive one,.. at least. :) banana
Jul 10, 2018 1:51 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
A least offensive isn't in my vocabulary when it comes to jokes. laugh
Jul 19, 2018 12:03 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
grin
Jul 20, 2018 3:08 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
Wife's Loving Relationship Seminar Advice to Attendees.....
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you crook or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean.
6. What the hell have you done now?
8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die a slow agonising death!.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Jul 20, 2018 4:29 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little f*ck on your knee!"

rolling on the floor laughing
Jul 20, 2018 4:47 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14: Wife's Loving Relationship Seminar Advice to Attendees.....
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you crook or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean.
6. What the hell have you done now?
8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die a slow agonising death!.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Brilliant!laugh
(your ventriloquist joke is as old as the hills.......sorry.blues
Jul 20, 2018 9:38 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
deviant_slice
deviant_slicedeviant_sliceunknown, Tyne and Wear, England UK34 Threads 1 Polls 3,450 Posts
Made me LOL.
Jul 20, 2018 10:33 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
snowlynx: Brilliant!
(your ventriloquist joke is as old as the hills.......sorry.
Show us what you have got then tongue
Jul 20, 2018 10:34 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your a**!"

... the teacher fainted!
Jul 20, 2018 11:37 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
deviant_slice
deviant_slicedeviant_sliceunknown, Tyne and Wear, England UK34 Threads 1 Polls 3,450 Posts
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."
Jul 20, 2018 12:16 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
One Sunday night, the preacher asked for testimonies and prayer requests.
One woman stood up and said, "Sister and Brothers, please pray for me. This has been a very trying week. That old devil has done everything in his power to make me miserable. Pray that I will have the fortitude to persevere."
As she sat down, her husband stood up and said, "Brothers and Sisters, I want you to know, she ain't the easiest woman to get along with neither."

laugh
Jul 20, 2018 12:21 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
aries1234online now!
aries1234online now!aries1234Ocean City, Plymouth, Devon, England UK123 Threads 2 Polls 4,295 Posts
There was a young lady from Ealing,


Whose knickers were very appealing

for half a crown,

she'd pull them down,

That sporting young lady from Ealing.,

rolling on the floor laughing cats meow
Jul 20, 2018 7:38 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
CanuckLilyonline today!
CanuckLilyonline today!CanuckLilyUnknown, Alberta Canada341 Posts
Rachie14: A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "OK jerk, I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What do a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor." Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blonde pipes up, "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to that little f*ck on your knee!"
rolling on the floor laughing wave
Jul 20, 2018 10:57 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
SingleDog: There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
He tried, and he tried

But no one who heard them was

Gonna be amused.
Jul 21, 2018 2:18 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire UK1 Threads 3,289 Posts
There was a clerk in a small town general store in the South. One day, a tall man entered the store and began filling a shopping cart with items.
This man was so distinctive in that he could have been the official spokesperson for Quaker Oats. He was dressed in black, very tall and had that hat just like the Quaker Oats guy wears.
Well, the clerk had never seen a Quaker before, let alone talked to one. When the man reached the counter with his selections the clerk could hardly contain himself. "Are you a Quaker"? he asked as he was trying to ring up the merchandise.
"Yes," the tall man said with a little edge in his voice.
"No joke?" asked the clerk, "You're really a real Quaker?"
The man, looking a little more perturbed, said, "Yes, I am a real Quaker."
"Wow!" the young clerk said, "I never seen a real Quaker before. Would you say something in Quaker talk for me?" asked the clerk.
The tall man ignored this request and waited for his merchandise to be tallied up. As clerk finished ringing up the sale he said, "Please mister, say something in Quaker talk?"
The man finally leaned over the counter in a gesture of secrecy. The clerk leaned forward in order to hear the quiet reply. The man said, "f*ck Thee."
Jul 26, 2018 12:47 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Mercedes_00: Mine are too rude and crude.
You sound like a typical Australian then.wow
Aug 23, 2018 5:52 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Bagheera
BagheeraBagheeracork, Cork Ireland1 Posts
SingleDog: There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
V smart ?? I like.
Aug 23, 2018 6:06 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Track16online now!
Track16online now!Track16Little Hearts Ease, Newfoundland Canada586 Threads 7,416 Posts
One day an 85-year-old man is taking a stroll around his hometown, which he has lived in for his whole life. As he sees the landmarks, homes, and streets from his youth, he starts reminiscing....

"I remember helping build that bridge when I was 25. I worked hard on that. But people won't call you 'the bridge builder' if you do that here. No, no, they don't!"

"I remember building that house over there when I was 30. But people won't call you 'the house builder' if you do that. No, no they don't!"

"I remember building that tavern that I still lounge at when I was 35. If you do that people won't call you 'the tavern builder' either. They sure won't!"

"But if you f#ck one goat......."
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