Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes. ( Archived) (17)

Jul 10, 2018 12:17 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
BigGuyLondon
BigGuyLondonBigGuyLondonGreater London, England UK8 Threads 4 Polls 25 Posts
Purely for the lols,. what are some of your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes?

Put 'em below, let's have some laughs. I'm expecting many to be NSFW, pah, we're adults, let's 'ave 'em anyway! :)
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Jul 10, 2018 12:28 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,257 Posts
Mine are too rude and crude.
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Jul 10, 2018 12:48 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
BigGuyLondon
BigGuyLondonBigGuyLondonGreater London, England UK8 Threads 4 Polls 25 Posts
GREAT, let's have the least offensive one,.. at least. :) banana
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Jul 10, 2018 12:51 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Mercedes_00
Mercedes_00Mercedes_00Greater Sydney, New South Wales Australia18 Threads 20,257 Posts
A least offensive isn't in my vocabulary when it comes to jokes. laugh
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Jul 19, 2018 11:03 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
grin
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Jul 20, 2018 2:08 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
Wife's Loving Relationship Seminar Advice to Attendees.....
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you crook or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean.
6. What the hell have you done now?
8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die a slow agonising death!.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
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Jul 20, 2018 3:47 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14: Wife's Loving Relationship Seminar Advice to Attendees.....
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart." Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.
Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you crook or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean.
6. What the hell have you done now?
8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die a slow agonising death!.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
Brilliant!laugh
(your ventriloquist joke is as old as the hills.......sorry.blues
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Jul 20, 2018 8:38 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
deviant_slice
deviant_slicedeviant_sliceunknown, Tyne and Wear, England UK26 Threads 1 Polls 2,252 Posts
Made me LOL.
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Jul 20, 2018 9:33 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
snowlynx: Brilliant!
(your ventriloquist joke is as old as the hills.......sorry.
Show us what you have got then tongue
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Jul 20, 2018 11:16 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
One Sunday night, the preacher asked for testimonies and prayer requests.
One woman stood up and said, "Sister and Brothers, please pray for me. This has been a very trying week. That old devil has done everything in his power to make me miserable. Pray that I will have the fortitude to persevere."
As she sat down, her husband stood up and said, "Brothers and Sisters, I want you to know, she ain't the easiest woman to get along with neither."

laugh
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Jul 20, 2018 11:21 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
aries1234
aries1234aries1234plymout, Devon, England UK175 Threads 3 Polls 5,672 Posts
There was a young lady from Ealing,


Whose knickers were very appealing

for half a crown,

she'd pull them down,

That sporting young lady from Ealing.,

rolling on the floor laughing cats meow
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Jul 20, 2018 9:57 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
SingleDog: There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
He tried, and he tried

But no one who heard them was

Gonna be amused.
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Jul 26, 2018 11:47 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Mercedes_00: Mine are too rude and crude.
You sound like a typical Australian then.wow
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Aug 23, 2018 4:52 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
Bagheera
BagheeraBagheeraFermoy, Cork Ireland1 Posts
SingleDog: There was a young man
From Cork who got limericks
And haikus confused.
V smart ?? I like.
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Aug 24, 2018 6:29 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
I learned this one from an Irish co-worker when I was just starting out as a foreign car mechanic with the Rootes Group.

There was an old lady from Wider
Who peed in the eye of a spider
The spider got mad
and pulled out his lad
and swore by the devil he'd ride er
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Sep 3, 2018 2:01 PM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
PeKaatje
PeKaatjePeKaatjeAnkeveen, North Holland Netherlands59 Threads 3 Polls 6,334 Posts
A young guy is sitting in the cinema next to an old lady. After the movie's going on for about 10 minutes the woman touched his hand and then gave him a handful of peanuts.
10 minutes later again. And ten minutes later again.
When there is a pause the guy asks: If you don't like peanuts, why do you buy them?
The woman replies: I like peanuts but forgot my fake teeth, so all I do is suck the chocolate from them.
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Sep 4, 2018 11:50 AM CST Your very best "There was a young/old man/woman from", jokes.
If he was a real gentleman he should have chewed the peanuts for her and give her a long deep soul kiss and she could suck the peanut pulp out of his mouth. eeeuw barf
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by BigGuyLondon (8 Threads)
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