Women and men.....marriage..... ( Archived) (19)

Aug 5, 2018 6:55 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Once thriving, now dying institution. Sure, a minority of women do have assets valued beyond those of the average man. But usually it's markedly the other way around. When marriages predictably fail, here in the west at least, the woman has rights to about half of a man's assets. Such a deal. The laws are changing, reflecting this marked injustice. Kids no longer automatically go to mom. And then there's the much fairer pre nuptial agreement. Insist on one, oh ye poor slobs.
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Aug 5, 2018 6:57 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
Where do you feel the injustice?
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Aug 5, 2018 7:08 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Vierkaesehoch: Once thriving, now dying institution. Sure, a minority of women do have assets valued beyond those of the average man. But usually it's markedly the other way around. When marriages predictably fail, here in the west at least, the woman has rights to about half of a man's assets. Such a deal. The laws are changing, reflecting this marked injustice. Kids no longer automatically go to mom. And then there's the much fairer pre nuptial agreement. Insist on one, oh ye poor slobs.
A certain amount of truth in that. We have a saying here 'the wife gets the kids and the house, the husband gets the bills and the bedsits'.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:20 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
deedee123xo
deedee123xodeedee123xoLimerick, Ireland15 Threads 3,538 Posts
I do happen to agree that now seeing as women are staying much more in the workplace after marriage and even after divorce that there should be a more level playing field when it comes to pay outs and what not.

I think that both parents also who show themselves as having a genuine need of care for their children it should be a 50/50 decision on rearing them.

I do feel there alot of injustice to men when children are concerned.

It might help free up courts already bulging workload if both parties could come to this fair decision without having to resort to it..
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Aug 5, 2018 7:26 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Quite, snow---but it is changing. A poor woman, on marriage to a well off man, already gets to step into a life style well above her original station in life. Why should she receive half of his assets, and the custody of children, on divorce? Our twins' mom and I weren't married, so no such nonsense, when we ended our couple's relationship.But without legal compulsion, I voluntarily bought her a lovely ocean side home nearby, so the girls could be close to both parents. And paid for her nurse practitioner's masters education, while watching the girls while she was in school. And the college funds I set up for the twins will allow them to finish undergraduate university with NO DEBT. Justice/injustice? This is is justice of the best sort. Don't be stupid.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:31 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
Vierkaesehoch: Quite, snow---but it is changing. A poor woman, on marriage to a well off man, already gets to step into a life style well above her original station in life. Why should she receive half of his assets, and the custody of children, on divorce? Our twins' mom and I weren't married, so no such nonsense, when we ended our couple's relationship.But without legal compulsion, I voluntarily bought her a lovely ocean side home nearby, so the girls could be close to both parents. And paid for her nurse practitioner's masters education, while watching the girls while she was in school. And the college funds I set up for the twins will allow them to finish undergraduate university with NO DEBT. Justice/injustice? This is is justice of the best sort. Don't be stupid.
It isn't always so cut and dried as your perception and experience of a relationship ending rather than a marriage.

But I am reading what others have to say.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:37 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
pKrema
pKremapKremaAt home, Shumen Bulgaria6 Threads 4,707 Posts
It's more likely for the woman to receive more than she deserves...including the kids...
That's the truth...in general...
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Aug 5, 2018 7:37 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
ChesneyChrist
ChesneyChristChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK7,144 Posts
If the wife has money of her own she couldn’t get his and if she has a proper career it should be 50/50 with the kids. Only more domesticated women should get the kids as a rule, the model feminist woman shouldn’t be considered an indispensable parent.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:43 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
deedee123xo
deedee123xodeedee123xoLimerick, Ireland15 Threads 3,538 Posts
ChesneyChrist: If the wife has money of her own she couldn’t get his and if she has a proper career it should be 50/50 with the kids. Only more domesticated women should get the kids as a rule, the model feminist woman shouldn’t be considered an indispensable parent.
A mother who stays at home to mind her kids rather than build a career shouldn't be seen as any less of a feminist either

A woman choosing to rear her kids for the most part of the day single handedly should be seen as every bit as ambitious as the woman climbing the corporate ladder ..because she's trying her best to rear decent adults rather than have them be reared 8 hours a day in child care by strangers
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Aug 5, 2018 7:51 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
So here is what my divorce cost me.. £45,500 and some change. That is before remortging our house and paying off the existing mortage.

There was dispute over our child. He didn't want custody.

His cost him the legal aid fee. There is no such thing as Alimony here.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:51 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
annaroach
annaroachannaroachLimerick, Ireland217 Threads 6,747 Posts
deedee123xo: I do happen to agree that now seeing as women are staying much more in the workplace after marriage and even after divorce that there should be a more level playing field when it comes to pay outs and what not.

I think that both parents also who show themselves as having a genuine need of care for their children it should be a 50/50 decision on rearing them.

I do feel there alot of injustice to men when children are concerned.

It might help free up courts already bulging workload if both parties could come to this fair decision without having to resort to it..
Again i think it all depends on the maturity of the couple as when the proverbial hits the fan
some dig their heels in and go for the jugular, to get whatever they can, making it difficult,
when it could be sorted fairly ,with no courts involved.
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Aug 5, 2018 7:54 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
MsContessa
MsContessaMsContessaMayo, Ireland24 Threads 1,227 Posts
Vierkaesehoch: Once thriving, now dying institution. Sure, a minority of women do have assets valued beyond those of the average man. But usually it's markedly the other way around. When marriages predictably fail, here in the west at least, the woman has rights to about half of a man's assets. Such a deal. The laws are changing, reflecting this marked injustice. Kids no longer automatically go to mom. And then there's the much fairer pre nuptial agreement. Insist on one, oh ye poor slobs.
Most women are educated, working and contributing to the home.
Upon divorce the Judge decides on proper provision
based on who contributed what.... it not about halves....
However, divorced and widowed ladies are in greater demand than separated or singletons by lazy separated and divorced men in search of a possible windfall!

Did you provide a home for your former partner because she lives close by with your daughters and it keeps her in your sights and what share has your daughters in the home...
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Aug 5, 2018 7:55 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
deedee123xo
deedee123xodeedee123xoLimerick, Ireland15 Threads 3,538 Posts
annaroach: Again i think it all depends on the maturity of the couple as when the proverbial hits the fan
some dig their heels in and go for the jugular, to get whatever they can, making it difficult,
when it could be sorted fairly ,with no courts involved.
Sadly Anna I was thinking of an ideal world...
I know full well there are women who try to get what they can because they want him to hurt as much as they are.
Likewise men who don't want to give a cent because they want her to hurt as much as he has.
Sadly emotions come into it and muddles it all up sometimes...others then can do it all as I pointed out and do it all fairly and evenly ...but that's in the minority
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Aug 5, 2018 10:13 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Bogart_1960
Bogart_1960Bogart_1960Ask me !, Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur France36 Threads 1 Polls 10,012 Posts
How the French Get Divorced

easy, no headaches . "lawyers under control".

C’est la Vie, Y’all: How the French Get Divorced

Costs- about 2/3 K - all included. (it is not perfect, but it is no bs based system - straightforward), and fair.

"French system does not support the soul-crushing, aggressive model of litigation model that leaves no stone unturned on a hunt for dollars and custody.".

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Aug 5, 2018 10:24 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Rachie14: It certainly is a different way to ours or was what was ours.

Like this thread, I think there is a lot of assumptions about it. I think each case has it's own merits. But I can certainly say that as a woman I did not benefit from it. It cost me a lot, not just in money either.

I do believe there are cases where men do end up in really bad positions. But it isn't only men and I think that needs to be made aware aswell. Taking in mind I have been divorced now for over a 10 years.

I would also say, because we got married abroad it made it a little more complex. Along with this, both parents made a child. Both should be contributing to supporting those children in every aspect. I have experienced not only was I the person who paid out more for the divorce , but I was for many years supporting my child on my own. Infact I still do.

I still did it, but to say it only happens to men is not actually true. It happens to women as well.
True.
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Aug 9, 2018 3:47 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
floraberry
floraberryfloraberryChateaumeillant, Nouvelle-Aquitaine France1 Posts
Feminism has been victorious in its war on marriage, which is dead, or rather it should be. The game is so stacked against men nowadays that many are walking away entirely. Trouble is that most women ultimately want a marriage, whereas no man in his right mind should enter into such a bad deal. Now we have the MGTOW movement and an increasing number of lonely cat ladies. Thanks a bunch feminism!
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Aug 9, 2018 3:53 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Rachie14
Rachie14Rachie14Stafford, Staffordshire, England UK1 Threads 2,330 Posts
floraberry: Feminism has been victorious in its war on marriage, which is dead, or rather it should be. The game is so stacked against men nowadays that many are walking away entirely. Trouble is that most women ultimately want a marriage, whereas no man in his right mind should enter into such a bad deal. Now we have the MGTOW movement and an increasing number of lonely cat ladies. Thanks a bunch feminism!
Choose a better man. MGTOW is for men who are broken. Broken by their past relationships.

There are still men that want commitment and marriage. Just like there are women that value it from men.
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Aug 9, 2018 8:08 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
Excellent point, MC. Mom and I weren't married, so in Maine, there's no crazy woman takes half law, if no marriage. I did it voluntarily, mostly since I really live well simply, do much for myself, and don't really need the Church altar boy money. The twin's mom is a class act, and isn'y that type. But she's also smart enough, as am I, to either avaoid the dying institution altogether, or insist on the all powerful pre-nuptial agreement. Why Not? Stops many fights, keeps lawyers begging, and vets away the gold diggers, all at once. Slick.
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Aug 9, 2018 8:24 AM CST Women and men.....marriage.....
MsContessa
MsContessaMsContessaMayo, Ireland24 Threads 1,227 Posts
Vierkaesehoch: Excellent point, MC. Mom and I weren't married, so in Maine, there's no crazy woman takes half law, if no marriage. I did it voluntarily, mostly since I really live well simply, do much for myself, and don't really need the Church altar boy money. The twin's mom is a class act, and isn'y that type. But she's also smart enough, as am I, to either avaoid the dying institution altogether, or insist on the all powerful pre-nuptial agreement. Why Not? Stops many fights, keeps lawyers begging, and vets away the gold diggers, all at once. Slick.
In Ireland, pre-nuptial agreements aren’t legally recognized and love is blind, the two allies of the gold digger. I hope that little innocent child feels vindicated in some way! Yes! Mom is a class act as she is valued as one. Slick. bouquet
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