Jokingly yours (27)
MsContessa: Did you hear about the farmer
who won the Noble Prize?
He was outstanding in his own field!
who won the Noble Prize?
He was outstanding in his own field!
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ysabeljhen: Here's joke #2
This is really funny
Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Trump frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here, would you?"
Theresa May walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Theresa answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Trump asks to speak with Vice President Mike Pence.
"Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the Vice President. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Mike Pence goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes General McMasters' shoes in the next stall.
Mike shouts, "General! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and your father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
General McMaster yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Mike Pence smiles. "Thanks!" and goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Trump.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's General McMaster."
Trump gets up, stomps over to Mike Pence, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"
Very good This is really funny
Donald Trump meets with the Queen. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give to me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Trump frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle."
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send Theresa May in here, would you?"
Theresa May walks into the room. "Yes, my Queen?"
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Theresa. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Theresa answers, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Trump asks to speak with Vice President Mike Pence.
"Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the Vice President. "Let me get back to you on that one."
Mike Pence goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes General McMasters' shoes in the next stall.
Mike shouts, "General! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and your father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?
General McMaster yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Mike Pence smiles. "Thanks!" and goes back to the Oval Office to speak with Trump.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's General McMaster."
Trump gets up, stomps over to Mike Pence, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Theresa May!"
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Miss_Cellaneous: Funnily enough, this is a joke that a good Irish friend of mine told me.
Small children in a classroom in Ireland. The teacher said. "Can anyone tell me who was Robin Hoods girlfriend"? Little Patrick stood up and said " Me Miss, it was Trudy Glen". The teacher said "No Patrick, it was Maid Marion". Little Patrick said "No Miss, you're wrong, because if you listen to the song, it says *Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding Trudy Glen*. Makes me laugh every time
Naughty! Small children in a classroom in Ireland. The teacher said. "Can anyone tell me who was Robin Hoods girlfriend"? Little Patrick stood up and said " Me Miss, it was Trudy Glen". The teacher said "No Patrick, it was Maid Marion". Little Patrick said "No Miss, you're wrong, because if you listen to the song, it says *Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding Trudy Glen*. Makes me laugh every time
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ysabeljhen: Do u have some jokes to share?
Let's take a break
Here's one :
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good,” says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair....
Let's take a break
Here's one :
God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
"Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."
Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
"Good,” says God. "You shall sit to my left."
Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair....
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Here's a little joke
"I'd be with you if it wasn't for my own standards."
"I'd be with you if it wasn't for my own standards."
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This just make me laugh
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'pe*is'
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
A female secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer and asked him what word he would like to use as a password to log in with.
Wanting to embarrass his new secretary a bit and let her know where they stood, he smugly told her to enter 'pe*is'
Without blinking or saying a word, she entered the password. She then almost died laughing at the computer's response:
PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
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Small children in a classroom in Ireland. The teacher said. "Can anyone tell me who was Robin Hoods girlfriend"? Little Patrick stood up and said " Me Miss, it was Trudy Glen". The teacher said "No Patrick, it was Maid Marion". Little Patrick said "No Miss, you're wrong, because if you listen to the song, it says *Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding Trudy Glen*. Makes me laugh every time