Is it POSSIBLE to have a RELATIONSHIP with someone fresh from a DIVORCE or previous LONG TERM RELAT ( Archived) (44)

How fresh is fresh? I'm separated since August, and it all happened so fast, it feels like yesterday. I was blindsided. He called me from work to tell me, and the next time I saw him he was hauling his stuff off in a U-Haul. Have to be legally separated at least 1 year before divorcing. Baggage? Oh, heck yes! I have to get used to living alone, being responsible for and to only myself, and my self-confidence was shattered. My friends say "you can't think like that". Easier said than done. He said some things you just can't take back, and that will always be in my head. Would I go back to him? NO! How can I be with someone who doesn't want me? I may be hurt, but I have some self-respect! The hardest part is not having someone to care for, because I think, for me anyway, that I need to care for someone to be completely happy. (That sounds terrible...let's try "life and happiness is so much more rewarding if it's shared with someone special".) So do I not deserve a relationship because my divorce/separation is too fresh?

Personally, I'm GLAD I can't get a final divorce for a year; it will keep me from leaping into another possible failed marriage. I'd like to have a relationship, but I have to admit, I'm terrified to give up all of me again. That's why my profile states that I need to move slowly. The "getting to know" stage could take a long time. I don't even feel worthy to click on some profiles....and if there's even one little thing that they are looking for that I don't feel I qualify, I wouldn't dream of contacting. Thank heavens for flowers; not hearing back isn't as hard to take.

77vett I guess you make an excellent point it depends on the individual and there strengths and weaknesses. Good for you sounds like you have the right attitude and a good head on your shoulders and a strong sence of self respect wish I would of had it...

Keep positive thoughts and happiness will come your way

Well here is my sordid tale. I met my last husband when he was married.He was my boss. Anyhow,we had an affair for a year.After the year he decided to go back to Indiana and his wife and children.He still called me though.Anyway he left her for me,we lived together for a year and got married after their divorce.
The point of my tale is I was the rebound person,the safety net.All his feelings of anger and hurt about his 16 year marriage breaking up he took out on me.
this is why I will not date someone who is seperated or recently divorced because they are grieving.You may be glad you are out, like I was, but you still are grieving the death of something you thought was going to last forever.Our divorce took a year because he got burned in his first divorce so he was a jerk during ours.By the time it was all over I was an emotional wreck.I have only dated once since the divorce by choice.I now feel I'm ready,as nerve wracking as it is,to enter the dating scene.

Do it right this time: make all your beaus sign up on
OKCupid, and don't let them have so much as a kiss unless
they are over 75% match.

dpw

Doug we got along great until the rings went on our fingers then all of a sudden he turned into a controlling jerk.

very true starlite.I would rather laugh then cry anyday.

I think some people who go through a divorce need time to adjust. There is always the chance too that them and their ex may "try again" usually with failure, or they might just be rebounding too fast to ease the pain of their rejection. I think the best thing you can do is be their friend first and let them heal before you jump headlong into a relationship. It takes time to get over lost love.

Jackie,

Best of luck to you and the dating scene it sounds as though you certainly went through a rough time and you deserve to find your happiness or atleast have some fun trying.

Isabella your a great person.Thanx for youu words of encouragement.