What do you say to a dying person? (52)
OnlyLiveTwiceValletta, Majjistral Malta162 Threads 29 Polls 1,446 PostsA difficult subject. All of us will find ourselves in this situation sooner or later. You are at the bedside of a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, and doctors have told you they have a few hours before the inevitable. It's one of the most difficult situations to face with any courage. However surely there are some things one can say, beyond 'I love you' which can have more meaning to bring comfort to the dying? Any thoughts?
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OnlyLiveTwice: A difficult subject. All of us will find ourselves in this situation sooner or later. You are at the bedside of a partner, a son, a daughter, a parent, and doctors have told you they have a few hours before the inevitable. It's one of the most difficult situations to face with any courage. However surely there are some things one can say, beyond 'I love you' which can have more meaning to bring comfort to the dying? Any thoughts?
My Father died on my Birthday. I was called in to the hospital early in the morning and was upset to see him in such a distressed state. I willed him to keep fighting but in the end I told him to leave and find his loved ones . I stayed until 7pm that night and had just got home when they rang to say he had passed. To this day I'm positive my Dad waited until I had gone bless him.
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I don't want to ponder that.
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I have had to do that at least a couple of times, I just assure them that it was their time to be called out of this world, and that they would find Peace...and would be no more suffering, and assured them that it was OK to go...And we will meet them again one day..
When we were called away...It is not an easy thing to do...But it is a part of the things that we face in this lifetime...Others had passed suddenly, that I only wish I could have had last words with...
When we were called away...It is not an easy thing to do...But it is a part of the things that we face in this lifetime...Others had passed suddenly, that I only wish I could have had last words with...
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Having been in this situation, more times than I care to recall … it's better to be in that moment in time and speak from the heart and soul, rather than saying something scripted. Better to be genuine and even somewhat delicately spontaneous, in my opinion.
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Yes a very difficult and painful subject so we should ``rehearse`` what to say in such moments
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RedHeadedTaurus: Having been in this situation, more times than I care to recall … it's better to be in that moment in time and speak from the heart and soul, rather than saying something scripted. Better to be genuine and even somewhat delicately spontaneous, in my opinion.
You have a valid point. But to be honest, having been in that situation twice before, I am glad I am now better prepared to approach the situation from the viewpoint of the ailing, and not myself. One is so emotionally overloaded in that moment, it is difficult to think rationally. It's not about being scripted, it's about understanding fully the impact of what one says on a recipient whose time has come. It is the ultimate case of putting yourself in the shoes of the other, and providing as much comfort as humanly possible with the only medicine you have - words.------ This thread is Archived ------
HotrodLarrys: I have had to do that at least a couple of times, I just assure them that it was their time to be called out of this world, and that they would find Peace...and would be no more suffering, and assured them that it was OK to go...And we will meet them again one day..
When we were called away...It is not an easy thing to do...But it is a part of the things that we face in this lifetime...Others had passed suddenly, that I only wish I could have had last words with...
When we were called away...It is not an easy thing to do...But it is a part of the things that we face in this lifetime...Others had passed suddenly, that I only wish I could have had last words with...
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OnlyLiveTwice: You have a valid point. But to be honest, having been in that situation twice before, I am glad I am now better prepared to approach the situation from the viewpoint of the ailing, and not myself. One is so emotionally overloaded in that moment, it is difficult to think rationally. It's not about being scripted, it's about understanding fully the impact of what one says on a recipient whose time has come. It is the ultimate case of putting yourself in the shoes of the other, and providing as much comfort as humanly possible with the only medicine you have - words.
Ah … makes sense. It's always best to put yourself in the shoes of another. Either way, it's a sad situation, and one that can give a sense of a horrible realization and even denial … Of course, different people handle having a loved one on their death bed in different ways. Some have the ability to think along more rational lines, than others …
Having been a caregiver for a very, very long time - I have learned it's best to try and maintain a calm composure, yet with much empathy.
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Can I have your record collection?
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So according to the writer Jenny Harrington, who wrote a story based on the death of her 8 year-old son from cancer, there are three insightful things, beyond the usual 'I love you' - to say to someone on their death bed to help them through the ultimate rite of passage:
1. "You will not be alone."
2. "You will not feel pain."
3. "We will be ok."
1. "You will not be alone."
2. "You will not feel pain."
3. "We will be ok."
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My father was 96 years old and suffered with COPD. He was in and out of hospitals and I spent time with him as much as I could by being with him before I went to work, my lunch time and after work and all day on weekends.
One day he was unusually quiet and knowing him as I did I figured he is thinking back to how his 96 years affected his life. To bring him back to the moment I said "You know I'm going to miss you". He didn't say anything, he just nodded his head yes. I knew I would miss the daddy I loved as a child but I certainly wouldn't miss the father who had touched me inappropriately in my adult years.
I could have turned my back on him in his dying hours but for me it was important to comfort him and let him believe that I still loved him even though that love was lost on a dark day.
The nursing home called and said he had died. I rushed out the door, walked into his room and there he was his lifeless body unable to ever hurt me again.
Without even thinking I took him in my arms and cried "Oh Daddy" and sobbed.
What Do You Say To A Dying Person I think I said it when I told him I would miss him.
One day he was unusually quiet and knowing him as I did I figured he is thinking back to how his 96 years affected his life. To bring him back to the moment I said "You know I'm going to miss you". He didn't say anything, he just nodded his head yes. I knew I would miss the daddy I loved as a child but I certainly wouldn't miss the father who had touched me inappropriately in my adult years.
I could have turned my back on him in his dying hours but for me it was important to comfort him and let him believe that I still loved him even though that love was lost on a dark day.
The nursing home called and said he had died. I rushed out the door, walked into his room and there he was his lifeless body unable to ever hurt me again.
Without even thinking I took him in my arms and cried "Oh Daddy" and sobbed.
What Do You Say To A Dying Person I think I said it when I told him I would miss him.
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When I was an Auxiliary Nurse working in an Elderly Patients Hospital (night duty) We mostly knew when that patient was going to pass away. They had been given medication for pain and so many were "asleep". As it was a Hospital for long term patients, we got to know them. I would close the curtains so it would be private from other patients. I would sit beside their bed and hold their hand.
I would say "do you remember the time when this and that happened" The laughs we had and the songs he/she would sing to me. Me putting their false peggies up to my mouth and clicking them together. Just so many things that we enjoyed together. I just hoped that they were content in their last moments.
It was so so sad when they finally left this life and I had to "lay them out" Not a nice thing at all.
I won't discuss the final moments re my family......
I would say "do you remember the time when this and that happened" The laughs we had and the songs he/she would sing to me. Me putting their false peggies up to my mouth and clicking them together. Just so many things that we enjoyed together. I just hoped that they were content in their last moments.
It was so so sad when they finally left this life and I had to "lay them out" Not a nice thing at all.
I won't discuss the final moments re my family......
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secretagent09: My father was 96 years old and suffered with COPD. He was in and out of hospitals and I spent time with him as much as I could by being with him before I went to work, my lunch time and after work and all day on weekends.
What Do You Say To A Dying Person I think I said it when I told him I would miss him.
Thanks for sharing a difficult story. What Do You Say To A Dying Person I think I said it when I told him I would miss him.
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Miss_Cellaneous: When I was an Auxiliary Nurse working in an Elderly Patients Hospital (night duty) We mostly knew when that patient was going to pass away. They had been given medication for pain and so many were "asleep". As it was a Hospital for long term patients, we got to know them. I would close the curtains so it would be private from other patients. I would sit beside their bed and hold their hand.
Thanks for sharing señorita. ------ This thread is Archived ------
OnlyLiveTwice: Thanks for sharing señorita.
You're very welcome Señor. "Denada"
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Go and don't ever come back
This is a brutal world
You deserve better!
_______
But in fact
I lose the ability to talk in situation like this.
Just speechless.
This is a brutal world
You deserve better!
_______
But in fact
I lose the ability to talk in situation like this.
Just speechless.
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LaFonda: Good Bye.
Good bye
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