Should we tell people what we REALLY think? (34)
lookn2share: Lasagna: In a respectful, civil manner. Some deserve a good telling off!
Chosing the right words can be difficult sometimes. I don't aim to hurt, only to speak truth.------ This thread is Archived ------
rainbowsandstars: In all kinds of relationships good communication is needed if you fear loosing someone over speaking honestly maybe they are not the right person for you. I always try to be honest with someone and if they don’t like it or listen to what you are saying then it’s time to walk away.
I was thinking the same thing. However I don't wanna drop a bomb and then run away.------ This thread is Archived ------
secretagent09: Recently, in a moment of anger, someone told me what was on their mind. It wasn't pleasant for me and I was hurt by their words. I haven't heard from that person since that day. I have tried to contact them but to no avail. I don't think they gave any thought to how badly their words would have an affect on me.
Someone in my family never filters anything she says and has said some hurtful things to me. I always let it go. Mainly because I don't like to argue with anyone but more so because if I said what I was thinking the consequence would be worse than what they said. So I pay the price and live with it.
Retaliation is only good for the moment. When you think about what you did you might be regretful.
In the forums when someone goes out of their way to insult me I take it with a grain of salt. It doesn't bother me because I don't know the poster personally.
I don't think you always need to say what you are thinking. Put those thoughts in a file cabinet in the back of your brain and let it stay there until the desire to speak up fades away.
Hopefully my words are clear enough and not hurtful as to help that person see what I mean without causing hard feelings.Someone in my family never filters anything she says and has said some hurtful things to me. I always let it go. Mainly because I don't like to argue with anyone but more so because if I said what I was thinking the consequence would be worse than what they said. So I pay the price and live with it.
Retaliation is only good for the moment. When you think about what you did you might be regretful.
In the forums when someone goes out of their way to insult me I take it with a grain of salt. It doesn't bother me because I don't know the poster personally.
I don't think you always need to say what you are thinking. Put those thoughts in a file cabinet in the back of your brain and let it stay there until the desire to speak up fades away.
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Packersbabe1: It depends if that person can handle the truth
and what type of position it would put y’all in
and who will it benefit from it
That made me giggle and what type of position it would put y’all in
and who will it benefit from it
as it remind me of that movie with Jack Nicholson, and the famous "you can't handle the truth!" line 
It's risky business as I know this individual to be quite difficult and stubborn. 
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GeneralBeacon: She really must be from Sweden.
Who? What are you talking about? 
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Lasagna: Well, I wouldn't want our friendship to be based on my ability to look the other way when things are wrong.
First off, what I posted doesn't imply you always look away when things are wrong. You judge whether or not to open your mouth based on how important it is. Second, it sounds like you've already made up your mind, why ask? Third, based on your responses it sounds like your inserting yourself into a situation with between two friends. Is that true?
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Tulefell: They say that a truth told with bad intentions is worse, than a lie told with good intentions. I agree with it. Ask yourself about your intentions. If they are good, you'll find the right way and the right words to tell your mind without hurting the counterpart.
I see @Bodleign2 and @Happygolucky4u agreed with this post by @TulefellI hear ya and I agree to a certain extent. I guess we can never know for sure how someone will react to what we have to say, even when done with the best intention at heart. Since what I have to say involves the well being of a third party, I will have to take that step and hope for the best.
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Cranky_Geezer: First off, what I posted doesn't imply you always look away when things are wrong. You judge whether or not to open your mouth based on how important it is. Second, it sounds like you've already made up your mind, why ask?
Third, based on your responses it sounds like your inserting yourself into a situation with between two friends. Is that true?
The answers here were quite helpful and no I have not made up my mind completely as of YET.Third, based on your responses it sounds like your inserting yourself into a situation with between two friends. Is that true?
But I do need to come to a conclusion by friday morning.
Not really, they are not friends per say, one tries to help the other, (its sort of their calling) but failed miserably without even realizing how their help made the other worse. Sometimes good intentions are not enough.
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Lasagna: The answers here were quite helpful and no I have not made up my mind completely as of YET.
But I do need to come to a conclusion by friday morning.
Not really, they are not friends per say, one tries to help the other, (its sort of their calling) but failed miserably without even realizing how their help made the other worse. Sometimes good intentions are not enough.
Intent is always the starting point, or maybe I should say, examining your intent. From a position of good intention you may decide that to intervene could cause hurt. So, sometimes it can be more helpful to accept we can't always make things better for someone by words alone.But I do need to come to a conclusion by friday morning.
Not really, they are not friends per say, one tries to help the other, (its sort of their calling) but failed miserably without even realizing how their help made the other worse. Sometimes good intentions are not enough.
But only you can decide that.
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Lasagna: That made me giggle as it remind me of that movie with Jack Nicholson, and the famous "you can't handle the truth!" line It's risky business as I know this individual to be quite difficult and stubborn.
Good movie------ This thread is Archived ------
What counts is your relationship with them. Do you matter and count to them, either of them? Would advice be taken graciously or would they just tell you where to get off? If it caused a permanent breech, cold you live with it?
The next is how delicately can you offer your opinion or advice. Word it so as to not create ill feelings.Be humble and say just an idea, feeling you have, something you have noticed.
And then, will it make any difference or will they just ignore you, blow it off and proceed just as they are.
Also, just how much do you care and think it will change anything going on.
The next is how delicately can you offer your opinion or advice. Word it so as to not create ill feelings.Be humble and say just an idea, feeling you have, something you have noticed.
And then, will it make any difference or will they just ignore you, blow it off and proceed just as they are.
Also, just how much do you care and think it will change anything going on.
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Lasagna: I'm torn between speaking my mind to a person and just say nothing.
Not sure how it could be taken by that person.
Do you think one should speak with total honesty even when the consecuence of that would be the end of all communication with that person?
Serious replies only, thank you.
there is one simple quote worth a moment’s time:Not sure how it could be taken by that person.
Do you think one should speak with total honesty even when the consecuence of that would be the end of all communication with that person?
Serious replies only, thank you.
“I’ve never regretted something I DIDN’T say...”
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bodleing2: Intent is always the starting point, or maybe I should say, examining your intent. From a position of good intention you may decide that to intervene could cause hurt. So, sometimes it can be more helpful to accept we can't always make things better for someone by words alone.
But only you can decide that.
But only you can decide that.
there’s no pat answer. Each and every situation is unique, and what would work in one may not work in another. (Perhaps a little off-topic, but this is one good reason why I thoroughly disagree with the American court system unilaterally making decisions on ‘precedent’).
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What that means is that YOU must accept the responsibility for the outcome and DO NOT TRY TO BLAME the other person if they respond harshly towards you !
It's not exactly rocket science ~