Protection vs control (36)
snowlynx: That's a bit harsh on Lonely to be fair Sel, he has a point. Also I don't think there's any issue about her feeling 'safe till morning' in the scenario he outlines.
Do you really think a woman or anyone would rush out in a snow storm just because they had a row with someone? Unless there was some other reason for doing so...------ This thread is Archived ------
snowlynx: That's a bit harsh on Lonely to be fair Sel, he has a point. Also I don't think there's any issue about her feeling 'safe till morning' in the scenario he outlines.
@ Snowlinx... Ok you are right that I was harsh on Lonely as I made it sound perdonal to him... but ... there are always unspoken 'vibes' in arguments and things that don't get 'owned up to' ... @ Lonely ... it wasn't me intention to make it sound like anyone should be scared of you Lonely.
I was trying to illustrate a scenario that would push a woman to do what you describe in the scenario you shared
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Tulefell: Simple.
What happen to the traditional russian hospitality and a warm slavic soul ...see, Sweden has corrupted your spirit
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Selenite: @ Snowlinx... Ok you are right that I was harsh on Lonely as I made it sound personal to him... but ... there are always unspoken 'vibes' in arguments and things that don't get 'owned up to' ...
@ Lonely ... it wasn't me intention to make it sound like anyone should be scared of you Lonely.
I was trying to illustrate a scenario that would push a woman to do what you describe in the scenario you shared
No offense taken Selenite.@ Lonely ... it wasn't me intention to make it sound like anyone should be scared of you Lonely.
I was trying to illustrate a scenario that would push a woman to do what you describe in the scenario you shared
The OP had a valid thread and it would help if she stuck around to provide more feedback. Some threads are based on personal experience or thoughtful topics. The roles of men and women are changing. A man can be protective or controlling based on his personality, and some women may have their own perceptions about these.
I am sure things would look different if the man in a relationship is an accountant while his partner was an FBI agent who always carry a Glock. Would there still be issues of protection and control?
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Lonely1: No offense taken Selenite.
The OP had a valid thread and it would help if she stuck around to provide more feedback. Some threads are based on personal experience or thoughtful topics. The roles of men and women are changing. A man can be protective or controlling based on his personality, and some women may have their own perceptions about these.
I am sure things would look different if the man in a relationship is an accountant while his partner was an FBI agent who always carry a Glock. Would there still be issues of protection and control?
The OP had a valid thread and it would help if she stuck around to provide more feedback. Some threads are based on personal experience or thoughtful topics. The roles of men and women are changing. A man can be protective or controlling based on his personality, and some women may have their own perceptions about these.
I am sure things would look different if the man in a relationship is an accountant while his partner was an FBI agent who always carry a Glock. Would there still be issues of protection and control?
@ FBI agent! In my perception, there is a fine line between controling and protection if the protection is forced onto the person receiving it against their wishes ...
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Tulefell: We are herd animals (reservation for a certain Q-Anonist) and the males of the herd act protective towards the females and the kids. It’s known that the bulls – included the young ones who haven’t yet had a chance to mate – make a ring around cows and calves, when the whole herd is under an attack. The bulls risk their lives for the other members of the herd that they have no direct relation too. The cows don’t object, it is as it is for them: they are bound by their calves and there’s no room for choice.
Primates are in this category as well and it’s in our genes. But how much of the instincts is relevant to the modern life?
Nowadays, you don’t have to be big and strong to drive a car or to operate a computer. The muscular power as well as the charge of adrenaline lost its “charms”. Well, to a certain extend. But, in my limited experience, the males of the primate herd continue to behave as if they are protecting me. From something or other. Undefined. Perhaps, from themselves.
To keep it short, do you differentiate between protection and control? What is what and what is an overstep? How long do you want to go to protect? How long would you accept protection? Where’s the line between protection and control? (Let’s leave aside possession and obsession.)
Yes men feel protective towards women and children, with the children there is essentially some control because sometimes for their own safety they must be guided, but usually, children accept this control from their parents, most parents don't use smacking as a punishment when I have discussed this with parents with young children, some confessed to smacking, saying the child's transgression was so dangerous it frightened them into administering a quick smack, though I understand children can sue their parents nowPrimates are in this category as well and it’s in our genes. But how much of the instincts is relevant to the modern life?
Nowadays, you don’t have to be big and strong to drive a car or to operate a computer. The muscular power as well as the charge of adrenaline lost its “charms”. Well, to a certain extend. But, in my limited experience, the males of the primate herd continue to behave as if they are protecting me. From something or other. Undefined. Perhaps, from themselves.
To keep it short, do you differentiate between protection and control? What is what and what is an overstep? How long do you want to go to protect? How long would you accept protection? Where’s the line between protection and control? (Let’s leave aside possession and obsession.)
AS far as your wife or partner is concerned most men will feel protective, but you just have to be careful not to let this become controlling.
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Difference between protection and control is the intent. Different strokes for different folks....some love protection some love control...whether they are giving or receiving.
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People can mean well but still be controlling. I've just watched some childless penguins on YouTube try to steal a baby and smother it with love.
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ChesneyChrist: People can mean well but still be controlling. I've just watched some childless penguins on YouTube try to steal a baby and smother it with love.
Penguin napping sounds like a job for batman. ------ This thread is Archived ------
whatever you define. Thats the borderline.
regarding males/females: Males are typically stronger than females and they need to protect the reproduction and those who can carry their offspring
.
regarding males/females: Males are typically stronger than females and they need to protect the reproduction and those who can carry their offspring
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soulmate2021: Difference between protection and control is the intent. Different strokes for different folks....some love protection some love control...whether they are giving or receiving.
Is it controlling if my intent is to protect her from her incessant desire to initiate conversations with strange men? 
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Lonely1: Is it controlling if my intent is to protect her from her incessant desire to initiate conversations with strange men?
It depends how old she is and who she is ... if she's over 18 who are you to decide who she should speak with...'Strange men' is your perception and opinion!
My Mum thinks she knows a really good guy I could meet. He's an accountant about my age. I said 'what? You goota be kidding me! What would I want with a square accountant! I bet he's a weirdo!'
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Selenite: It depends how old she is and who she is ... if she's over 18 who are you to decide who she should speak with...
'Strange men' is your perception and opinion!
My Mum thinks she knows a really good guy I could meet. He's an accountant about my age. I said 'what? You goota be kidding me! What would I want with a square accountant! I bet he's a weirdo!'
I did not know accountants are square but I have also not met a round one.'Strange men' is your perception and opinion!
My Mum thinks she knows a really good guy I could meet. He's an accountant about my age. I said 'what? You goota be kidding me! What would I want with a square accountant! I bet he's a weirdo!'
I think the changes in norm is mucking up relationships. I am not quite sure of this, but it appears that the gamut of missteps that men can make nowadays is proportional to the number of things women are allowed as their prerogatives. As some previous comments have demonstrated there is a fine line between what is protection and what is control, and it seems like it depends on the woman's feelings from day to day and maybe who the judge will agree with.
I would take it that a man in a committed relationship should have some expectations of what his partner will or will not do in order for him to tell himself that the relationship is strong and ongoing without him having to resort to controlling behavior.
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Lonely1: I did not know accountants are square but I have also not met a round one.
I think the changes in norm is mucking up relationships. I am not quite sure of this, but it appears that the gamut of missteps that men can make nowadays is proportional to the number of things women are allowed as their prerogatives. As some previous comments have demonstrated there is a fine line between what is protection and what is control, and it seems like it depends on the woman's feelings from day to day and maybe who the judge will agree with.
I would take it that a man in a committed relationship should have some expectations of what his partner will or will not do in order for him to tell himself that the relationship is strong and ongoing without him having to resort to controlling behavior.
When men and women stop telling themselves 'stories' about the other gender (and judges), we might be able to see clearly who we have sitting accross from us because who they are won't be 'masked' by our preconceived ideas... I think the changes in norm is mucking up relationships. I am not quite sure of this, but it appears that the gamut of missteps that men can make nowadays is proportional to the number of things women are allowed as their prerogatives. As some previous comments have demonstrated there is a fine line between what is protection and what is control, and it seems like it depends on the woman's feelings from day to day and maybe who the judge will agree with.
I would take it that a man in a committed relationship should have some expectations of what his partner will or will not do in order for him to tell himself that the relationship is strong and ongoing without him having to resort to controlling behavior.
The values of the whole of humanity are changing constantly and attaching expectations to new relationships according to past blueprints is like using hand signals out of the window of the car when now they all have indicators!
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Well... when a merry gang with baseball bats kicks down my door in the middle of the night, I wouldn't mind my stronger half to protect me. Alas, I doubt it'll happen.
When after one date - it was quite pleasant, given the circumstances, and I have no complaints about that part - a prospective stronger half starts to control me (including how I spend my money), I do mind. I cannot write if off on instincts. It is something wrong with the prospective stronger part.
I am a co-pilot type. I support and I accept support. I don't control and I don't accept control.
After the second thought, there's something wrong with me :)
When after one date - it was quite pleasant, given the circumstances, and I have no complaints about that part - a prospective stronger half starts to control me (including how I spend my money), I do mind. I cannot write if off on instincts. It is something wrong with the prospective stronger part.
I am a co-pilot type. I support and I accept support. I don't control and I don't accept control.
After the second thought, there's something wrong with me :)
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