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Abuse and abusive behaviour.... (28)

Feb 18, 2021 3:58 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
So, what is your definition of the above? Have you ever been abused? Is it different for women as opposed to men? I know there are different types, so name a few.

I read a sad story today about a guy (sorry men) who beat down his side chick because she wanted to leave him (he is married). Now he is in jail sigh. Why did he not just move on to his wife or the next side chick? dunno
Feb 18, 2021 4:57 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
I was in a relationship with a man that was very controlling and abusive. It started as emotional putting down my appearance holding back on any affection escalated to hitting me in my sleep and I was afraid of him in the bedroom.The only person I told was my doctor when I went after he really hurt me. He got turned on by seeing me cry.

Before I met him I was a strong confident woman and he completely broke me to the point I didn’t know who I was anymore, Its taken me a very long time to put myself back together but I did it and I’ll never let anyone treat me like that again. I don’t know why you stay or why you don’t tell people . To the outside world he was total gentleman and for the first year he was but after that he showed his true colours to this day I’m so grateful I got away from him.


It happens to both men and woman unfortunately more then we know.

Please be kind with comments on this thread not everyone is at the point I am.


teddybear
Feb 18, 2021 5:35 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam
LunabeamLunabeamSpencer, Massachusetts USA17 Threads 1 Polls 295 Posts
What is emotional abuse?
Can abuse occur if no one is touched? Yes. Examples of emotional abuse are:

Controlling your partner’s time, space, money, thoughts, or choices such as what they wear
Monitoring where your partner goes or what they spend money on
Isolating your partner by not letting them see or talk to others
Making all of the decisions without your partner’s input or consideration of their needs
Accusing your partner of flirting, having an affair, or being unfaithful when there is little or no evidence they have done so. Read more about jealousy here.
Getting angry or resentful when your partner is successful in a job or hobby
Intimidating your partner by making them afraid, including breaking things, punching walls, slamming doors, or throwing objects
Threatening to hurt your partner, their children, their pets, or damage their property, even if you don’t follow through on the threat
Threatening to hurt yourself, especially when things are not going your way
Threatening to leave or divorce your partner, threatening to not let them see their children
Demeaning your partner with frequent put-downs, name calling, blame, or humiliation
Saying things that are designed to make your partner feel “crazy” or “stupid.” This is called gaslighting and you can read more about it here.
Always being right, never apologizing
Punishing your partner by refusing to talk to them or by withholding affection. This is called stonewalling and you can read more about it here.
Withholding essential resources like food or money (also called economic or financial abuse)
Frequent mood swings, where one moment you are loving and affectionate, and the next moment you’re angry and threatening
Frequently and quickly escalating into rage, where you just snap and lose it
Blaming others for your behavior, especially your parents, partner, or children
Blaming alcohol, drugs, stress, or other life events for your behavior
Using sex, money, privileges, or other favors as a way to “make up” after conflict in order to stop feeling guilty
Acting like your behavior is no big deal, denying the behavior, or telling your partner it’s their fault
Using religious beliefs to justify holding a dominant, authoritarian position over your partner (also called spiritual abuse)
Attempting to force your partner to keep quiet about your behavior or drop criminal charges
You may be thinking, “So if I’m upset and don’t talk to my spouse for an afternoon, or I slip up and call him or her a name in the heat of an argument, that’s abuse?” While neither of these actions are ever good, they are not necessarily abuse. In reality, we all do some of these things sometimes. They become abusive when they are repeated frequently. Read more about dirty fighting styles in this blog.
Feb 18, 2021 6:24 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lonely1: So, what is your definition of the above? Have you ever been abused? Is it different for women as opposed to men? I know there are different types, so name a few.

I read a sad story today about a guy (sorry men) who beat down his side chick because she wanted to leave him (he is married). Now he is in jail . Why did he not just move on to his wife or the next side chick?
check your mail, please. Confidential...please.handshake
Feb 18, 2021 6:25 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Butterflygirl1: I was in a relationship with a man that was very controlling and abusive. It started as emotional putting down my appearance holding back on any affection escalated to hitting me in my sleep and I was afraid of him in the bedroom.The only person I told was my doctor when I went after he really hurt me. He got turned on by seeing me cry.

Before I met him I was a strong confident woman and he completely broke me to the point I didn’t know who I was anymore, Its taken me a very long time to put myself back together but I did it and I’ll never let anyone treat me like that again. I don’t know why you stay or why you don’t tell people . To the outside world he was total gentleman and for the first year he was but after that he showed his true colours to this day I’m so grateful I got away from him.


It happens to both men and woman unfortunately more then we know.

Please be kind with comments on this thread not everyone is at the point I am.
Thanks for your commentsrose
Feb 18, 2021 6:30 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam: What is emotional abuse?
Can abuse occur if no one is touched? Yes. Examples of emotional abuse are:

Controlling your partner’s time, space, money, thoughts, or choices such as what they wear
Monitoring where your partner goes or what they spend money on
Isolating your partner by not letting them see or talk to others
Making all of the decisions without your partner’s input or consideration of their needs
Accusing your partner of flirting, having an affair, or being unfaithful when there is little or no evidence they have done so. Read more about jealousy here.
Getting angry or resentful when your partner is successful in a job or hobby
Intimidating your partner by making them afraid, including breaking things, punching walls, slamming doors, or throwing objects
Threatening to hurt your partner, their children, their pets, or damage their property, even if you don’t follow through on the threat
Threatening to hurt yourself, especially when things are not going your way
Threatening to leave or divorce your partner, threatening to not let them see their children
Demeaning your partner with frequent put-downs, name calling, blame, or humiliation
Saying things that are designed to make your partner feel “crazy” or “stupid.” This is called gaslighting and you can read more about it here.
Always being right, never apologizing
Punishing your partner by refusing to talk to them or by withholding affection. This is called stonewalling and you can read more about it here.
Withholding essential resources like food or money (also called economic or financial abuse)
Frequent mood swings, where one moment you are loving and affectionate, and the next moment you’re angry and threatening
Frequently and quickly escalating into rage, where you just snap and lose it
Blaming others for your behavior, especially your parents, partner, or children
Blaming alcohol, drugs, stress, or other life events for your behavior
Using sex, money, privileges, or other favors as a way to “make up” after conflict in order to stop feeling guilty
Acting like your behavior is no big deal, denying the behavior, or telling your partner it’s their fault
Using religious beliefs to justify holding a dominant, authoritarian position over your partner (also called spiritual abuse)
Attempting to force your partner to keep quiet about your behavior or drop criminal charges
You may be thinking, “So if I’m upset and don’t talk to my spouse for an afternoon, or I slip up and call him or her a name in the heat of an argument, that’s abuse?” While neither of these actions are ever good, they are not necessarily abuse. In reality, we all do some of these things sometimes. They become abusive when they are repeated frequently. Read more about dirty fighting styles in this blog.
Thank you for taking time out of your life to write this very important essay. teddybear teddybear teddybear
Feb 18, 2021 7:34 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Butterflygirl1: I was in a relationship with a man that was very controlling and abusive. It started as emotional putting down my appearance holding back on any affection escalated to hitting me in my sleep and I was afraid of him in the bedroom.The only person I told was my doctor when I went after he really hurt me. He got turned on by seeing me cry.

Before I met him I was a strong confident woman and he completely broke me to the point I didn’t know who I was anymore, Its taken me a very long time to put myself back together but I did it and I’ll never let anyone treat me like that again. I don’t know why you stay or why you don’t tell people . To the outside world he was total gentleman and for the first year he was but after that he showed his true colours to this day I’m so grateful I got away from him.

It happens to both men and woman unfortunately more then we know.

Please be kind with comments on this thread not everyone is at the point I am.
Wow! Sorry to read this.sad flower

I am not any type of doctor, but I am of the opinion that every relationship, like roses, have thorns. I am of the opinion that every relationship that ends is a bit of a failure - for both partners. We have to ask ourselves what is it that caused the breakdown. There might be many causes. It's not easy living or getting along with another human being sometimes, so we have to make every effort not to be 'the reason', and many times we are not.
Feb 18, 2021 7:43 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam: What is emotional abuse?
Can abuse occur if no one is touched? Yes. Examples of emotional abuse are:

Controlling your partner’s time, space, money, thoughts, or choices such as what they wear
Monitoring where your partner goes or what they spend money on
Isolating your partner by not letting them see or talk to others
Making all of the decisions without your partner’s input or consideration of their needs
Accusing your partner of flirting, having an affair, or being unfaithful when there is little or no evidence they have done so. Read more about jealousy here.
Getting angry or resentful when your partner is successful in a job or hobby
Intimidating your partner by making them afraid, including breaking things, punching walls, slamming doors, or throwing objects
Threatening to hurt your partner, their children, their pets, or damage their property, even if you don’t follow through on the threat
Threatening to hurt yourself, especially when things are not going your way
Threatening to leave or divorce your partner, threatening to not let them see their children
Demeaning your partner with frequent put-downs, name calling, blame, or humiliation
Saying things that are designed to make your partner feel “crazy” or “stupid.” This is called gaslighting and you can read more about it here.
Always being right, never apologizing
Punishing your partner by refusing to talk to them or by withholding affection. This is called stonewalling and you can read more about it here.
Withholding essential resources like food or money (also called economic or financial abuse)
Frequent mood swings, where one moment you are loving and affectionate, and the next moment you’re angry and threatening
Frequently and quickly escalating into rage, where you just snap and lose it
Blaming others for your behavior, especially your parents, partner, or children
Blaming alcohol, drugs, stress, or other life events for your behavior
Using sex, money, privileges, or other favors as a way to “make up” after conflict in order to stop feeling guilty
Acting like your behavior is no big deal, denying the behavior, or telling your partner it’s their fault
Using religious beliefs to justify holding a dominant, authoritarian position over your partner (also called spiritual abuse)
Attempting to force your partner to keep quiet about your behavior or drop criminal charges
You may be thinking, “So if I’m upset and don’t talk to my spouse for an afternoon, or I slip up and call him or her a name in the heat of an argument, that’s abuse?” While neither of these actions are ever good, they are not necessarily abuse. In reality, we all do some of these things sometimes. They become abusive when they are repeated frequently. Read more about dirty fighting styles in this blog.


Wow! So many. I guess there were some internet links in the article? Please post the link.wave
Feb 18, 2021 7:49 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
rohaan: check your mail, please. Confidential...please.
I hear you. I guess I was lucky when I was growing up. My parents were average in how they treated me, but I had a maternal grandmother who would sneak up on me and give me a whack without any warning.

It's a pity, but I have learnt never to abuse a child because they do grow up and might be twice our size one day, plus: once a man, twice a child. It was never in me to give her some of her just desserts. I cannot do it now that she has passed on from old age..mumbling
Feb 18, 2021 8:44 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lonely1: I hear you. I guess I was lucky when I was growing up. My parents were average in how they treated me, but I had a maternal grandmother who would sneak up on me and give me a whack without any warning.

It's a pity, but I have learnt never to abuse a child because they do grow up and might be twice our size one day, plus: once a man, twice a child. It was never in me to give her some of her just desserts. I cannot do it now that she has passed on from old age..
You sound like a very thoughtful and considerate man. Do you know the adage “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” is boundless. That is, there is some version of this in every religion and culture. I always liked this: if thine adversary be weaker than thee, save him. If stronger, save thyself.teddybear
Feb 18, 2021 11:42 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
There are a few forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, mental and financial as well as physical. While women in general don't tend to physical abuse, men do. It's not rare, just less. Women tend to use verbal, emotional, mental and financial abuse, where men tend to use them all. The most insurgent abuse is mental, being levied by a narcissist both men and women. An abuser does tend to use all weapons available in the psychological, physical and mental range. Whatever they feel will knock you down in any sense of that word..

The definition is desire to keep another down, so they're always having to defend their esteem, their value and or their freedom. They generally drag you in to their drama or consistently provoke another hitting your buttons relentlessly. Devious and manipulative and stalking is common. The abuser is generally lacking self control and or prefers control of other, mostly because they cannot and or do not want to control themselves.

tip hat
Feb 19, 2021 6:48 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
ChesneyChristonline today!
ChesneyChristonline today!ChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK8,398 Posts
Do the times we are long in qualify as abuse? If any of my fellow citizens had done to me what the authorities have done, they would receive years in prison.
Feb 19, 2021 6:49 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
ChesneyChristonline today!
ChesneyChristonline today!ChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK8,398 Posts
ChesneyChrist: Do the times we are long in qualify as abuse? If any of my fellow citizens had done to me what the authorities have done, they would receive years in prison.
Living in*
Feb 19, 2021 6:58 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
ChesneyChristonline today!
ChesneyChristonline today!ChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK8,398 Posts
Is it abuse if the victim has a Stockholm syndrome and agrees to it? Like in Nazi Germany or modern day China.
Feb 19, 2021 7:05 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
BB_snickers: There are a few forms of abuse, including verbal, emotional, mental and financial as well as physical. While women in general don't tend to physical abuse, men do. It's not rare, just less. Women tend to use verbal, emotional, mental and financial abuse, where men tend to use them all. The most insurgent abuse is mental, being levied by a narcissist both men and women. An abuser does tend to use all weapons available in the psychological, physical and mental range. Whatever they feel will knock you down in any sense of that word..

The definition is desire to keep another down, so they're always having to defend their esteem, their value and or their freedom. They generally drag you in to their drama or consistently provoke another hitting your buttons relentlessly. Devious and manipulative and stalking is common. The abuser is generally lacking self control and or prefers control of other, mostly because they cannot and or do not want to control themselves.
Human nature is weird. Some people enjoy pulling the wings and feet off a butterfly, others will try to keep it caged and alive, while others will let it fly on its merry way.
Feb 19, 2021 7:12 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Butterflygirl1: I was in a relationship with a man that was very controlling and abusive. It started as emotional putting down my appearance holding back on any affection escalated to hitting me in my sleep and I was afraid of him in the bedroom.The only person I told was my doctor when I went after he really hurt me. He got turned on by seeing me cry.

Before I met him I was a strong confident woman and he completely broke me to the point I didn’t know who I was anymore, Its taken me a very long time to put myself back together but I did it and I’ll never let anyone treat me like that again. I don’t know why you stay or why you don’t tell people . To the outside world he was total gentleman and for the first year he was but after that he showed his true colours to this day I’m so grateful I got away from him.


It happens to both men and woman unfortunately more then we know.

Please be kind with comments on this thread not everyone is at the point I am.
I’ve been down that road many years ago too in my first of two marriages. I get you more than others and then some because no one else saw it or believed that a muscular 6 foot 1 inch tall male weighing 225 pounds could be be physically abused by a 5 foot 4 inch woman weighing near half his weight.
Feb 19, 2021 7:17 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
ChesneyChrist: Do the times we are long in qualify as abuse? If any of my fellow citizens had done to me what the authorities have done, they would receive years in prison.
Interesting take on the topic. If we look on past history we could say there is some truth to if I understand what you are saying. Is it possible that in the past one race seemed to have been an easy way for another race to increase their wealth, at another time one group of people were deemed the cause of mankind’s ills and therefore should be wiped off the face of the earth, and during world wars one group join together to wipe out the other group.

Have we just been practicing for the day when the aliens arrive dunno
Feb 19, 2021 7:24 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
galrads: I’ve been down that road many years ago too in my first of two marriages. I get you more than others and then some because no one else saw it or believed that a muscular 6 foot 1 inch tall male weighing 225 pounds could be be physically abused by a 5 foot 4 inch woman weighing near half his weight.
That sucks, but I hear you. It’s like when our young child is mad at us and gives us a few angry whacks and we just take it because we don’t wish to swat them away laugh

But alas, some females know just where to hit us to make it hurt while getting the rest of the world to still take their side and comfort them despite how they are hurting us.
Feb 19, 2021 7:27 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
ChesneyChrist: Do the times we are long in qualify as abuse? If any of my fellow citizens had done to me what the authorities have done, they would receive years in prison.
This is perennial. As long as civilization has been developed, (city of “Ur”) there has been governmental abuse. Caesar(s), The Inquisitions, et al...you’re right— but that’s true of “Life”. Ie— killing one person makes you a criminal. Killing thousands makes you a hero— or some such saying....handshake
Feb 19, 2021 7:34 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lonely1: Interesting take on the topic. If we look on past history we could say there is some truth to if I understand what you are saying. Is it possible that in the past one race seemed to have been an easy way for another race to increase their wealth, at another time one group of people were deemed the cause of mankind’s ills and therefore should be wiped off the face of the earth, and during world wars one group join together to wipe out the other group.

Have we just been practicing for the day when the aliens arrive
It wasn’t even isolated to tier and class—the story of Esther (KJB, and no, I’m not a “thumper”..laugh ),
Tells of a FAVORITE wife of a king, Queen Esther, risking her life to so much as initiate a conversation with him, her HUSBAND, ffs! (It was illegal, upon pain of death, to speak to the king unless spoken to first...) for the longest time, we did it in modern times, wives were to follow their husbands’ directives, “obey”, children were to be seen, not heard, grandmas and aunties, etc...shuffled off to nursing homes against their wishes...
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