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Abuse and abusive behaviour.... (28)

Feb 19, 2021 8:36 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam
LunabeamLunabeamSpencer, Massachusetts USA17 Threads 1 Polls 295 Posts
ChesneyChrist: Is it abuse if the victim has a Stockholm syndrome and agrees to it? Like in Nazi Germany or modern day China.
Yes, it's still abuse. And how does one agree when they have no choice. The pain and anger of being held hostage is still there but do the takers actually care about listening to their hostage's pain and anger, they pretend. They pretend feelings don't exist, just help me, just do what i say. i don't want to hurt you i will keep you safe. Pretending is probably a survival skill for both the the taker and the hostage. The hostage pushes their pain and anger down further and further because there is no one to hear them. Then when they are falling asleep at night the pain tries to escape and they may make painful moans that jolts them back awake, even be frustrated by the sounds for keeping them awake. But to say they agreed is wrong because you can't agree to something unless you are given a choice.
Feb 19, 2021 9:33 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam: Yes, it's still abuse. And how does one agree when they have no choice. The pain and anger of being held hostage is still there but do the takers actually care about listening to their hostage's pain and anger, they pretend. They pretend feelings don't exist, just help me, just do what i say. i don't want to hurt you i will keep you safe. Pretending is probably a survival skill for both the the taker and the hostage. The hostage pushes their pain and anger down further and further because there is no one to hear them. Then when they are falling asleep at night the pain tries to escape and they may make painful moans that jolts them back awake, even be frustrated by the sounds for keeping them awake. But to say they agreed is wrong because you can't agree to something unless you are given a choice.
Stokholm syndrome is largely about a last ditch effort for survival...
Feb 19, 2021 9:59 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
rohaan: It wasn’t even isolated to tier and class—the story of Esther (KJB, and no, I’m not a “thumper”.. ),
Tells of a FAVORITE wife of a king, Queen Esther, risking her life to so much as initiate a conversation with him, her HUSBAND, ffs! (It was illegal, upon pain of death, to speak to the king unless spoken to first...) for the longest time, we did it in modern times, wives were to follow their husbands’ directives, “obey”, children were to be seen, not heard, grandmas and aunties, etc...shuffled off to nursing homes against their wishes...
I can just imagine myself in bed with a woman who is unable to make any move or sound at her own volition. Like making love to a piece of sponge sigh

Don’t worry ladies, I like it when you lose all control and drive me up the wall yay smitten
Feb 19, 2021 10:06 AM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lunabeam: Yes, it's still abuse. And how does one agree when they have no choice. The pain and anger of being held hostage is still there but do the takers actually care about listening to their hostage's pain and anger, they pretend. They pretend feelings don't exist, just help me, just do what i say. i don't want to hurt you i will keep you safe. Pretending is probably a survival skill for both the the taker and the hostage. The hostage pushes their pain and anger down further and further because there is no one to hear them. Then when they are falling asleep at night the pain tries to escape and they may make painful moans that jolts them back awake, even be frustrated by the sounds for keeping them awake. But to say they agreed is wrong because you can't agree to something unless you are given a choice.
Your portrayal of the matter is so clear and vivid it’s scary.

Now just imagine you on the back of my motorcycle going 100 kph on a 80 kph curve. Scary, eh? Do you dare?
hug
Feb 19, 2021 1:19 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
Lonely1: I can just imagine myself in bed with a woman who is unable to make any move or sound at her own volition. Like making love to a piece of sponge

Don’t worry ladies, I like it when you lose all control and drive me up the wall
Oh my...roll eyes
Feb 19, 2021 1:27 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
galrads: I’ve been down that road many years ago too in my first of two marriages. I get you more than others and then some because no one else saw it or believed that a muscular 6 foot 1 inch tall male weighing 225 pounds could be be physically abused by a 5 foot 4 inch woman weighing near half his weight.
That’s the thing gal it can happen to anyone none of us know what goes on in other’s relationships.

teddybear
Feb 19, 2021 1:38 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
blathin
blathinblathinGlasgow, Central, Scotland UK2,306 Posts
Lonely1: So, what is your definition of the above? Have you ever been abused? Is it different for women as opposed to men? I know there are different types, so name a few.

I read a sad story today about a guy (sorry men) who beat down his side chick because she wanted to leave him (he is married). Now he is in jail . Why did he not just move on to his wife or the next side chick?
Why not indeed. Sadly abusive people are all over the shop and women can be just as bad. And, unfortunately, it can be insidious in it's subtlety too,

With very very few exceptions It's usually a generational thing too, if kids are brought up with kindness, love, tolerance and acceptance in a calm predictable environment then they grow up to be the same.

Kids who grow up with parents who're emotionally absent, cranky, cold, constantly picking/pushing or controlling them..well....that's what the kids will turn into as well....and that's how they'll eventually end up treating their other half and kids ,unless they have some sort of awakening..or realisation that the fault lies with them and not their victims...

If you understand kindness and how it works then people like the above might try their luck but won't get far...

We should be teaching our kids this (how to give/receive kindness and to value and recognise it as a strength , not a weakness) in school...because from what I've seen there are very few learning this in the home..It'd save an awful lot of relationship imo....handshake
Feb 20, 2021 12:06 PM CST Abuse and abusive behaviour....
blathin: Why not indeed. Sadly abusive people are all over the shop and women can be just as bad. And, unfortunately, it can be insidious in it's subtlety too,

With very very few exceptions It's usually a generational thing too, if kids are brought up with kindness, love, tolerance and acceptance in a calm predictable environment then they grow up to be the same.

Kids who grow up with parents who're emotionally absent, cranky, cold, constantly picking/pushing or controlling them..well....that's what the kids will turn into as well....and that's how they'll eventually end up treating their other half and kids ,unless they have some sort of awakening..or realisation that the fault lies with them and not their victims...

If you understand kindness and how it works then people like the above might try their luck but won't get far...

We should be teaching our kids this (how to give/receive kindness and to value and recognise it as a strength , not a weakness) in school...because from what I've seen there are very few learning this in the home..It'd save an awful lot of relationship imo....
We can try..but social media, video games, and movies might be doing a better job sigh
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