ISLANDER JOKES ( Archived) (25)

How do you turn a fox into an elephant??

Marry her !

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

You may well be

Paddy, who was a well to do, but elderly farmer, got married to a lovely young woman, but after a few months the marriage to his young wife was not working out too well. Paddy decided to consult his doctor to see what advice the doctor could give him. After listening to Murphy’s story, the doctor said, “The next time you are down in the field plowing and feel a yearning for your wife, don’t wait until lunch time or the end of the day, but quit what you’re doing and go to the house.” “I tried that,” said Paddy, “but by the time I get all the way back to the house, I am so worn out, I don’t have the energy to do what I wanted. It’s no use.” The doctor thought for a minute, then told Murphy, “Take your shotgun with you when you leave the house in the morning, and then if you feel the urge, shoot the gun and your wife can meet you in the field.” A few weeks passed, when Paddy and his doctor happened to pass each other on the street. “How did things work out?” “Right,” Paddy replied. “It was fine for the first three days. Then hunting season opened and I haven’t seen her since.”