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Looking for advice (23)

Sep 25, 2021 3:42 AM CST Looking for advice
oinkyguy
oinkyguyoinkyguycarlow wexford, Carlow Ireland1 Threads 2 Posts
Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation
Sep 25, 2021 3:57 AM CST Looking for advice
irish78eyes
irish78eyesirish78eyesMeath/Louth, Louth Ireland29 Threads 6,836 Posts
oinkyguy: Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation
That's a tough one, look after yourself first it's hard to do with anxiety, but it's most important.
Sep 25, 2021 4:11 AM CST Looking for advice
It's a tough situation, no easy answer sorry. Maybe make enquiry about what alternatives there are should you rescind permission to stay, and let him know these alternatives have been considered (only in calm sober discussion). Your safety has to come first, and your happiness is more important than a free ride for someone not being considerate.
Sep 25, 2021 4:13 AM CST Looking for advice
You probably need support mate, I take it that you have tried to reason with the lad, and he didn't respect your view at all and if that's the case you better ask for intervention by the bailiff because the young fella needs a hand, if wont accept your terms and conditions he needs t move on. To land that you need backup authority to help him understand his issues are his not yours.
Have a chat with the local plod see what they say, above be honest with your self because sounds like you probably need a hand to deal with your own issues in any event as anxiety and depression suffer from requires addressing to.
Meditation likely be best course for both of youwave
Sep 25, 2021 4:26 AM CST Looking for advice
tell him to behave the way he should or you'll kick him out. If that ain't possible, lock him up in his room.
Sep 25, 2021 8:39 AM CST Looking for advice
19 years old ... That means he is legally an adult , right !

As I am not sure about legal aspects of the matter there , if you are legally obligated to take responsibility of him or not , so I would only suggest that , it might be a better idea for you to take legal help ...

Also you could consult experts for social and psychological help ...

I hope everything will get sorted out for better soon ...
Sep 25, 2021 9:14 AM CST Looking for advice
ChesneyChristonline today!
ChesneyChristonline today!ChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK9,193 Posts
oinkyguy: Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation
Encourage something that's better than nothing. Can he drive, can you drive? He's not up for driving offences, is he?
Sep 25, 2021 9:36 AM CST Looking for advice
ChesneyChristonline today!
ChesneyChristonline today!ChesneyChristManchester, Greater Manchester, England UK9,193 Posts
ChesneyChrist: Encourage something that's better than nothing. Can he drive, can you drive? He's not up for driving offences, is he?
Teach him to drive as the reward for a routine based on opening the curtains and having a tidy up. Cook a meal that is a meal, the days of chocolate, crisps and beans far behind.
Sep 25, 2021 9:41 AM CST Looking for advice
ChesneyChrist: Teach him to drive as the reward for a routine based on opening the curtains and having a tidy up. Cook a meal that is a meal, the days of chocolate, crisps and beans far behind.
cook a meal ,, no way ,,, starve him,,,
Sep 25, 2021 12:47 PM CST Looking for advice
Losted
LostedLostedSherman, Texas USA1 Threads 890 Posts
Make the little bastard join the
military.
Sep 25, 2021 1:01 PM CST Looking for advice
ChesneyChrist: Teach him to drive as the reward for a routine based on opening the curtains and having a tidy up. Cook a meal that is a meal, the days of chocolate, crisps and beans far behind.
Good idea!

Positive reinforcement is needed!

Find out what the lad LIKES to do and use it as a reward for helping around.
Sep 25, 2021 7:39 PM CST Looking for advice
oinkyguy: Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation
Your son sounds like a lad with no aspirations and nothing to look forward to. What happened? When/why did he start acting like this? Did he suffer some sort of emotional trauma? Did you both suffer some sort of emotional trauma affecting you both?

Wondering if may be you would both benefit from counselling either separately or jointly.
May be your lad is also feeling depressed but he processes it differently because he's younger. He just tries to numb it out ...

What would happen if you spoke to him calmly telling him you need his help with groceries and in the house because you're struggling to cope by yourself? This could be the bridge between you both ...
Sep 25, 2021 9:44 PM CST Looking for advice
Orzzz
OrzzzOrzzzPortage, Wisconsin USA86 Threads 8 Polls 742 Posts
First off, he is 19. Lots of 19 year olds are men, married, working..being men. He is not a child. Somewhere along the line he got spoiled. Maybe by you..more likely by society, schools and the new idea to spoil kids. Some magic idea that they hit 18 and become saints.
The court hung him back on you. You cant deal with him. So talk to the court or social service or whomever and tell them you want him out. They have to find a group home or juvenile center or somewhere.
All he is going to do is make your life hell and you cant help him anymore. The saying is tough love. So do it, for your sanity and his gain.
Sep 25, 2021 10:02 PM CST Looking for advice
I agree with Orzzz He won't change at your place and could possibly get you in trouble.
Give him back to the courts.
Oct 6, 2021 8:10 PM CST Looking for advice
Tony1613
Tony1613Tony1613Nashville, Illinois USA8 Posts
There's no where near enough information to make an opinion. Mostly, these problems need to be fixed long ago. Punishing older kids tends to have negative effects. Talking and really listening is probably your best option. That is very difficult, and can be painful, but... If you can get him to talk, than you may find out what the root cause of the problem is.

Tony
Oct 6, 2021 9:08 PM CST Looking for advice
Not likely you will get a 19 year old to talk about his problems.
You'll have better luck going behind the scene to watch who he hangs out with, what he does with his time.
I say this in the interest of keeping him safe and keeping him from making a big mistake.
He most likely has someone he confides in. I suggest you don't question that person. Everybody needs someone to vent with.
Oct 6, 2021 11:43 PM CST Looking for advice
oinkyguy: Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation
He’s comfortable with whatever is currently the status quo in your house/environment. Make him uncomfortable. Sort it…
Oct 9, 2021 10:07 PM CST Looking for advice
BUMP
Oct 12, 2021 12:45 PM CST Looking for advice
oinkyguy: Hi all, I'd live to get people's views on how to handle a 19 year old that is in bother with the law, done 4 weeks in cliverhill on remand n got out released to my house till next court date. He won't do anything to help himself or around the house. Gets his few bob on the dole n off he goes on a session till it's gone n then does feck all till the next pay day. No tabacco, nothing handed up for his keep. I suffer with anxiety n depression so find it very hard dealing with all this. I'd like to hear people's views on what they would do in this situation


He’s 19 and you done all you could do
why are you putting up with this kind of behavior ?
sometimes you got to learn to let go, it’s hard
he not listening and will probably end back up
in jail, maybe help him get in the army or it’s time to let go, he’s bringing you down in the comfort of your home
Oct 12, 2021 12:53 PM CST Looking for advice
My advice is to not ask this question to a group of mostly unqualified strangers in a forum.
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