Are Dying Wishes Sacrosanct? ( Archived) (21)

I've been watching Adventures With Purpose documentaries on Youtube.

They're a waterway sonar search and recovery dive team. I think they started salvaging with an environmental and 'treasure' mindset, but the organisation evolved after the profound impact of solving a missing person cold case by chance.

They self-fund through subscriptions, membership, merchandise, donations and voluntary/community teamwork. Families of missing persons aren't charged for their services and other recovery teams have developed around the growing movement.

The teams' focus is on searching bodies of water for people who go missing with their vehicles, either by accident, or suicide. A recurring theme in the back-stories is the missing person at some point mentioning that they know how to 'disappear' so they will never be found.

Does that 'never be found' element constitute a dying wish?

Do surviving family and friends have the right to search for answers and their loved one's remains if the intention was never to be found? Clearly, when people vanish it has a huge impact, creating a traumatic grieving process for those left behind, further complicated by a suspicion of suicidal intent.

What obligation do the livng have to fulfil someone's dying wishes (of any kind) and why?

Without getting too technical regards missing people etc people's dying wishes are not sacrosanct. Under present laws, the executors appointed under the Will have ownership of the body and are, technically, the decision makers for funeral arrangements. They are not obliged to follow any funeral wishes expressed in a will.

That's an interesting perspective, TM, thank you.

Am I right in thinking that an executor is legally obliged to follow other dying wishes specified in a Will, such as passing on the the deceased's estate?

I was also asking the questions from a personal, rather than a legal perspective. I'm interested in people's philosophical, cultural, or moral opinions and perhaps I didn't make that clear enough.

I have a vague memory of reading Neville Shute's A Town Like Alice (I think it was that novel) at the age of thirteen, where the protagnist survives simply because his would-be executioners can't fulfil his dying wish of a cold beer. It may not be based in reality, but it is a reference to dying wishes being sancrosanct within cultural practise.

It's certainly not unusual to respect and place importance upon dying wishes, but how far do we take that obligation and why?

Whilst TM spoke about the Will aspect, not all cases involve a Will. Culturally, people may be guided by religious beliefs and or traditions, but even more influential (in my opinion) may be the strength of relationship between the 'missing' and his/her loved ones.
Where it is strong, the loved ones will know how best to honour the missing person (regardless of religious beliefs/traditions); where it's not, loved ones would probably just follow basic burial protocols.

That's an interesting perspective, too, Didi. Thanks.

In the videos I've been watching I'd say the strength of the bond and/or the level of distress kinda has the opposite effect: surviving family members badly want answers and their loved ones to come home, regardless of an expressed 'wish' not to be found.

How do we balance dying wishes against the very understandable emotional needs of the living?

I think perhaps it would take a fairly unique mindset to accept that a loved one ended their life and vanished on their own terms and leave it at that.

Does it also depend upon viewing suicide as a mental health behaviour versus a self-euthanasia in different circumstances? Are we more likely to override dying wishes if we perceive them as irrational?

Why do people express a desire not to be found? Is it to protect loved ones from emotional, or financial stress? Both of those can backfire with unanswered questions, frozen assets and a lack of finality.

Why do people have dying wishes, full stop?

What if you remarry and your widow doesn't want to bury you in that plot?

What if she could and wants to be buried on the other side of you?

Good questions Jac.

Whilst some people in the UK may die intestate [no will] It's always sensible to have one as we have laws in this country which could affect family members as you can't just help yourself to another person's estate.