Advice for a 25 year old (33)
Stay out of other people’s business & let them sort it out for themselves.
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Youcannow: Stay out of other people’s business & let them sort it out for themselves.
.....Next 
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Wow, what a shame Dee. I feel for your friend. She is right to get away from him but with the kids involved, she has to deal with him.
If he is stalking her, she needs to get a court order to cease and desist. She might be well advised to talk to a lawyer, and they will have more suggestions. Protecting the kids is her first priority, but she also has to protect herself.
If he is stalking her, she needs to get a court order to cease and desist. She might be well advised to talk to a lawyer, and they will have more suggestions. Protecting the kids is her first priority, but she also has to protect herself.
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Deedee123x: I'm in a position where a young married woman in my life has found herself now separated from her husband of 5 months....with 2 boys by him.
I was at her wedding, a nice smart beautiful funny and laid back young woman with everything going for her, had suddenly found herself with a man who ( according to her bridemaids had just married a man who instantly changed as quick as enroute to their reception).
We had no inclination that anything was wrong...but in the last 5 months he suddenly and sneakily had been coercively controlling her.
Not giving her money, checking her phone, not "allowing" her out...not helping with the kids...having affairs...smashing up the house when he accused her of cheating ( she never did)...manipulated her....and these are just the beginning...she has left thr marital home and is living with her mother....he is still controlling her by constantly ringing...and we suspect stalking her every move...she seems to still be under his spell.
I'm at loss as are those close to her as to what to do...her character , being bubbly, happy care free is almost gone...yet she still entertains him.as just recently he has threatened suicide.
Any advice?
Open the window and tell him to jump. If anybody deserves to be committing suicide it's her, poor womanI was at her wedding, a nice smart beautiful funny and laid back young woman with everything going for her, had suddenly found herself with a man who ( according to her bridemaids had just married a man who instantly changed as quick as enroute to their reception).
We had no inclination that anything was wrong...but in the last 5 months he suddenly and sneakily had been coercively controlling her.
Not giving her money, checking her phone, not "allowing" her out...not helping with the kids...having affairs...smashing up the house when he accused her of cheating ( she never did)...manipulated her....and these are just the beginning...she has left thr marital home and is living with her mother....he is still controlling her by constantly ringing...and we suspect stalking her every move...she seems to still be under his spell.
I'm at loss as are those close to her as to what to do...her character , being bubbly, happy care free is almost gone...yet she still entertains him.as just recently he has threatened suicide.
Any advice?
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mbken: Wow, what a shame Dee. I feel for your friend. She is right to get away from him but with the kids involved, she has to deal with him.
If he is stalking her, she needs to get a court order to cease and desist. She might be well advised to talk to a lawyer, and they will have more suggestions. Protecting the kids is her first priority, but she also has to protect herself.
She is very slow to do anything that will seem severe and push him over the edge...she said she was afraid of him yet is slow to put the steps in motion ...we are baffled by her as it should be herself she looks after first then her kids...he shouldn't even be on the list....yet he calls to her unannounced a d can seem to tell her what's she's up to when he isn't around...it has all the mark of it going in a dark direction but she's still controlled and Brain washed...its difficult to look atIf he is stalking her, she needs to get a court order to cease and desist. She might be well advised to talk to a lawyer, and they will have more suggestions. Protecting the kids is her first priority, but she also has to protect herself.
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ChesneyChrist: Open the window and tell him to jump. If anybody deserves to be committing suicide it's her, poor woman
Well no we don't want that for either...bit she's been through a lot with him and still manages to keep her cool and head about her.------ This thread is Archived ------
By the way happened in 2019 when she was 54.
You don't have to be young to be fooled.
You don't have to be young to be fooled.
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How is your friend now Grand?
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Well, you can always invite her to chat on the CS Forums... 
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Deedee123x: How is your friend now Grand?
2.5years later she is still afraid he might knock on her door again. I know he will not, so I'll try calm her on that.
No, she is still not healed properly and she also blame her self for bad judgement.
She can not believe she got fooled like that at his shine before,
to become so dark after the 'deal was sealed'. Still will take time for her, yea.
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KarloradoFL: Well, you can always invite her to chat on the CS Forums...
Not if her life depended on it is she coming on here...she's far too young and going through far too much. X------ This thread is Archived ------
Grandsiozzie: 2.5years later she is still afraid he might knock on her door again.
I know he will not, so I'll try calm her on that.
No, she is still not healed properly and she also blame her self for bad judgement.
She can not believe she got fooled like that at his shine before,
to become so dark after the 'deal was sealed'. Still will take time for her, yea.
It is subtly underhand manipulation...these men should be in jail.I know he will not, so I'll try calm her on that.
No, she is still not healed properly and she also blame her self for bad judgement.
She can not believe she got fooled like that at his shine before,
to become so dark after the 'deal was sealed'. Still will take time for her, yea.
At least your friend is out of the marital home and I hope she has good people around her like you to support her. Xx
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Youcannow: Stay out of other people’s business & let them sort it out for themselves.
There is no "sorting things out" when you have a controlling psycho on your hands.Dollars to donuts, if Dee takes your advice Dee will find her dead.
The woman should get a Restraining Order immediately and she should take witnesses with her when she goes before the judge to prove that others have seen how dangerous he is.
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Dee this has been going on for way longer than five months..I know what I'm talking about.
A restraining order isn't guaranteed protection..Trust me on that front
It's hard for people like yourself to wrap your head around the why's & I get that
Do they have organisations for abused woman where she is able to join in & listen & maybe open up?
She's very lucky she opened up to loved ones sooner rather than later..My concern are for the boys who you don't want to grow up thinking how their dad treats their mum & themselves is normal..There are different reasons for different domestic cases as to why not just go & so on..The young girl has been married for five months..They have two children..She's been in this toxic relationship more than five months & right now when nobody is around he makes her promises..He says I'm sorry..He says it won't happen again..
I will leave it at that..I hope she stays vigilante for her & her boys well being..I'm glad the cat has been let out of the bag so all those who love her deeply will be there to support her.
A restraining order isn't guaranteed protection..Trust me on that front
It's hard for people like yourself to wrap your head around the why's & I get that
Do they have organisations for abused woman where she is able to join in & listen & maybe open up?
She's very lucky she opened up to loved ones sooner rather than later..My concern are for the boys who you don't want to grow up thinking how their dad treats their mum & themselves is normal..There are different reasons for different domestic cases as to why not just go & so on..The young girl has been married for five months..They have two children..She's been in this toxic relationship more than five months & right now when nobody is around he makes her promises..He says I'm sorry..He says it won't happen again..
I will leave it at that..I hope she stays vigilante for her & her boys well being..I'm glad the cat has been let out of the bag so all those who love her deeply will be there to support her.
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Right,
They have two kids but married 5 months ago.
She's only 25...
Not a good start.
Its very possible something triggered manic depression and the bad news is he doesn't even realise it.
The only way out is to seek help.
Both of them. Voluntarily... and separately.
She needs to get out and away, right now.
No advice will help unless she wants to change her situation and not try to change him.
Whatever the cause of his behaviour is her behaviour is triggering it too, one way or another.
Help with advice if asked but don't get involved, she will very likely turn against you if she feels he will be endangered... (police or other institution getting involved ).
They have two kids but married 5 months ago.
She's only 25...
Not a good start.
Its very possible something triggered manic depression and the bad news is he doesn't even realise it.
The only way out is to seek help.
Both of them. Voluntarily... and separately.
She needs to get out and away, right now.
No advice will help unless she wants to change her situation and not try to change him.
Whatever the cause of his behaviour is her behaviour is triggering it too, one way or another.
Help with advice if asked but don't get involved, she will very likely turn against you if she feels he will be endangered... (police or other institution getting involved ).
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Ten_of_cupss: Right,
They have two kids but married 5 months ago.
She's only 25...
Not a good start.
Its very possible something triggered manic depression and the bad news is he doesn't even realise it.
The only way out is to seek help.
Both of them. Voluntarily... and separately.
She needs to get out and away, right now.
No advice will help unless she wants to change her situation and not try to change him.
Whatever the cause of his behaviour is her behaviour is triggering it too, one way or another.
Help with advice if asked but don't get involved, she will very likely turn against you if she feels he will be endangered... (police or other institution getting involved ).
I agree 100% someone needs to listen to him, his side of things.They have two kids but married 5 months ago.
She's only 25...
Not a good start.
Its very possible something triggered manic depression and the bad news is he doesn't even realise it.
The only way out is to seek help.
Both of them. Voluntarily... and separately.
She needs to get out and away, right now.
No advice will help unless she wants to change her situation and not try to change him.
Whatever the cause of his behaviour is her behaviour is triggering it too, one way or another.
Help with advice if asked but don't get involved, she will very likely turn against you if she feels he will be endangered... (police or other institution getting involved ).
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Good advice on here by some posters Merc and Secret to name a few.
He loved bombed her in the beginning. Seemed perfect and then the real person came out. It is a classic case of a cluster B personality disorder.
The main thing for her is to put her children first. They need to feel safe. Staying in dysfunction...will lead to them thinking that this behavior is normal.
BTW...when someone announces they are going to commit suicide...They are generally using this as a form of manipulation.
Most who are serious do not announce it...nor, do they leave a note behind.
He loved bombed her in the beginning. Seemed perfect and then the real person came out. It is a classic case of a cluster B personality disorder.
The main thing for her is to put her children first. They need to feel safe. Staying in dysfunction...will lead to them thinking that this behavior is normal.
BTW...when someone announces they are going to commit suicide...They are generally using this as a form of manipulation.
Most who are serious do not announce it...nor, do they leave a note behind.
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jagtom: I agree 100% someone needs to listen to him, his side of things.
jagtom: I agree 100% someone needs to listen to him, his side of things.
No, that makes it worse...unless
they do what Track16 suggested... bring in the biggest boysin the family + friends, put him in the middle this pshyco and then hear what he has to say!
In that setting. Important those guys are pretty intimidating!
Then... grill him deeper and deeper...harder and harder. Make him sweat.
His version is fake news bro. They just has to make her see it!
Listen, here are the facts:
a) he cheated on her
b) he claimes she sheated on him
Get it?
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Created: Aug 2022
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I was at her wedding, a nice smart beautiful funny and laid back young woman with everything going for her, had suddenly found herself with a man who ( according to her bridemaids had just married a man who instantly changed as quick as enroute to their reception).
We had no inclination that anything was wrong...but in the last 5 months he suddenly and sneakily had been coercively controlling her.
Not giving her money, checking her phone, not "allowing" her out...not helping with the kids...having affairs...smashing up the house when he accused her of cheating ( she never did)...manipulated her....and these are just the beginning...she has left thr marital home and is living with her mother....he is still controlling her by constantly ringing...and we suspect stalking her every move...she seems to still be under his spell.
I'm at loss as are those close to her as to what to do...her character , being bubbly, happy care free is almost gone...yet she still entertains him.as just recently he has threatened suicide.
Any advice?