What do you do when.....? ( Archived) (19)

Dec 3, 2022 6:27 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
What do you do when your younger siblings speak to and treat you as though you're their younger sibling, or their child?

My 2 younger siblings (42 and 54), often use a tone of authority towards me that is very bothersome. Sometimes I've "let it slide" other times I've "put them in their place". This morning I had to do just that with my younger sister (i.e. "put her in her place", againvery mad).

If you've ever had this problem, how did you deal with it? sigh
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Dec 3, 2022 7:43 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Decent_Love
Decent_LoveDecent_LovePrayagraj, Uttar Pradesh India401 Threads 3 Polls 2,014 Posts
This problem occurs when the argument between the younger and the elder starts going out of limits,in such situation the elder should become silent, because elder is more mature than younger. The elder should not take this argument on his ego. Being an elder does not mean elder in age only but also elder in maturity, tolerance, understanding, etc.
If you want to save family relations, then you have to act wisely, because you are the elder.
If you can't tolerate then better stay away from them.

Whenever this happens to me, I become silent for a while.

I know the art of being silent.grin
But I never be silent on CS. laugh
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Dec 3, 2022 7:56 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Decent_Love:
But I never be silent on CS.
Good. thumbs up
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Dec 3, 2022 9:17 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Decent_Love: This problem occurs when the argument between the younger and the elder starts going out of limits,in such situation the elder should become silent, because elder is more mature than younger. The elder should not take this argument on his ego. Being an elder does not mean elder in age only but also elder in maturity, tolerance, understanding, etc.
If you want to save family relations, then you have to act wisely, because you are the elder.
If you can't tolerate then better stay away from them.

Whenever this happens to me, I become silent for a while.

I know the art of being silent.
But I never be silent on CS.
wave DL, I agree. I, too, know the art of being silent. However, they often mistake my silence for weakness, and take me for granted. Hence I feel the need to get 'loud' sometimes...that's the only time they pay attention.sigh
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Dec 3, 2022 10:13 AM CST What do you do when.....?
I would. Say .when I need your advice .I shall ask. For it in the mean time. Just remember i.m your parent. Thankyou.............it worked. For. Me...........grin I
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Dec 3, 2022 12:24 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
truheart1941: I would. Say .when I need your advice .I shall ask. For it in the mean time. Just remember i.m your parent. Thankyou.............it worked. For. Me........... I
wave Thanks for the advice Tru, I'll keep that in mind.thumbs up
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Dec 3, 2022 5:40 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Decent_Love
Decent_LoveDecent_LovePrayagraj, Uttar Pradesh India401 Threads 3 Polls 2,014 Posts
Children should be taught to respect elders from childhood otherwise such problems will be arise.

When we were children, we learned everything from our society, our family, our elders. When we saw our elders respecting their elders, then we learned how 'to respect our elders'.
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Dec 3, 2022 6:46 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Selenite
SeleniteSeleniteMálaga, Andalusia Spain59 Threads 1 Polls 6,299 Posts
Didi7: What do you do when your younger siblings speak to and treat you as though you're their younger sibling, or their child?

My 2 younger siblings (42 and 54), often use a tone of authority towards me that is very bothersome. Sometimes I've "let it slide" other times I've "put them in their place". This morning I had to do just that with my younger sister (i.e. "put her in her place", again).

If you've ever had this problem, how did you deal with it?
For me it sounds weird that any sibling should be speaking to another in any manner other than equal terms. Once everyone is an adult not one should have authority over the other.

I don't understand the concept of 'a younger sibling speaking to an older one as though they're the younger sibling' because that speaks of the existence of there being an accepted hyerarchy between siblings even if it's happening in the wrong direction.

We don't have that problem with my siblings. We discuss family issues on equal terms.

May be establishing a certain equality between you and all your siblings may help everyone realise they have authority over anyone else...
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Dec 3, 2022 6:48 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Selenite
SeleniteSeleniteMálaga, Andalusia Spain59 Threads 1 Polls 6,299 Posts
Selenite: For me it sounds weird that any sibling should be speaking to another in any manner other than equal terms. Once everyone is an adult not one should have authority over the other.

I don't understand the concept of 'a younger sibling speaking to an older one as though they're the younger sibling' because that speaks of the existence of there being an accepted hyerarchy between siblings even if it's happening in the wrong direction.

We don't have that problem with my siblings. We discuss family issues on equal terms.

May be establishing a certain equality between you and all your siblings may help everyone realise they have authority over anyone else...
Sorry I meant to say:
Realise they don't have authority over anyone else ...
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Dec 3, 2022 8:11 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Decent_Love
Decent_LoveDecent_LovePrayagraj, Uttar Pradesh India401 Threads 3 Polls 2,014 Posts
Didi7: DL, I agree. I, too, know the art of being silent. However, they often mistake my silence for weakness, and take me for granted. Hence I feel the need to get 'loud' sometimes...that's the only time they pay attention.
When I become silent, my youngers also become calm. I have never faced such a problem that my youngers consider my silence as my weakness.
If this ever happened to me, I might not be able to stay with them.

To maintain our value, we must have something that they need and that they do not have.
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Dec 5, 2022 6:20 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Selenite: For me it sounds weird that any sibling should be speaking to another in any manner other than equal terms. Once everyone is an adult not one should have authority over the other.

I don't understand the concept of 'a younger sibling speaking to an older one as though they're the younger sibling' because that speaks of the existence of there being an accepted hyerarchy between siblings even if it's happening in the wrong direction.

We don't have that problem with my siblings. We discuss family issues on equal terms.

May be establishing a certain equality between you and all your siblings may help everyone realise they have authority over anyone else...
I agree with your perspective Selenite, and it makes sense. However, their is a sort of hierarchy due to age and responsibilities (I am older by 15 years, I am co-owner of our house with my older brother and the sole Executrix of my mother's will, managing her 'estate' for the last 5+ years). She is the youngest sibling, and have been a bit spoilt (by all of us older ones). She demonstrates an attitude of 'entitlement' that sometimes affects her expectations of others (including me).
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Dec 5, 2022 6:26 AM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Decent_Love: When I become silent, my youngers also become calm. I have never faced such a problem that my youngers consider my silence as my weakness.
If this ever happened to me, I might not be able to stay with them.

To maintain our value, we must have something that they need and that they do not have.
I hear you DL, but I don't believe that it should be necessary for either party to operate based upon your last statement, in order for respect/courtesy to prevail between us. Following the "Golden Rule" should be enough.professor
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Dec 5, 2022 12:40 PM CST What do you do when.....?
I have none.
Can't give advice.
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Dec 5, 2022 4:12 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Friendship4ever: I have none.
Can't give advice.
That's ok.comfort
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Dec 5, 2022 4:16 PM CST What do you do when.....?
I am the younger, yet they all ask me for advice.professor laugh
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Dec 5, 2022 4:23 PM CST What do you do when.....?
I'm the eldest of eight siblings and none of them treat me as younger. They all come to me as the elder one and I've always supported them financially and with so much advice. But now that they are all grown.i don't need to do all that anymore they are all in stable marriages now and I'm so happy for all of them. My job is done. And I'm happy to have helped to do it.
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Dec 5, 2022 4:23 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Stan_147: I am the younger, yet they all ask me for advice.
I wish my older siblings was as wise.... laugh
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Dec 5, 2022 5:01 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Stan_147: I am the younger, yet they all ask me for advice.
That means they respect/value your opinions. It is good that they think you are wise.wine
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Dec 5, 2022 5:03 PM CST What do you do when.....?
Didi7
Didi7Didi7Central, Chaguanas Trinidad and Tobago92 Threads 39 Polls 1,342 Posts
Coldheaven: I'm the eldest of eight siblings and none of them treat me as younger. They all come to me as the elder one and I've always supported them financially and with so much advice. But now that they are all grown.i don't need to do all that anymore they are all in stable marriages now and I'm so happy for all of them. My job is done. And I'm happy to have helped to do it.
That's great CH, you're a 'mamma bear', and they respect you for that.wine
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