What is your best joke ( Archived) (9)

Pull a chair over and tell us your jokes

Bush passed away and went directly to the hell........when the devil opened the door, told him..."gosh!! there is no more space here for you , but you were so bad, so i have to send somebody else to the heaven and you stay here....come in" then devil opened a door and bush saw chavez (from venezuela) in a pupu pool doing scuba, and say " no way!!! i dont want to be here.....!!" so still walking and watching what other bad people does, then devil opened the last door and where there were monica lewinskiy (doing what she knows to do the best) to Fidel castro, so bush says....." mannnnnnnnnnnn ! i want to be here, i want to be here!!!" so the devil asked him....."are you really sure???"..."yes i am very sure!!!"....."ok" said the devil........."Monica, stand up, you have a relief!!!!!!"

Why did the chicken cross the road?









To prove to the possum it could be done!

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school. The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig. He walks a little further and kicks a cow.

Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, and for kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room. The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I ?"

Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A Yorkshire couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Manchester and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Huddersfield, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"

His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

Broken Coffee Table £239.99 Hot Breakfast £4.20 Two Aspirins £0.38 Saying the right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!

a men went to buy a gift for her daughter to the toy store...
he saw many barbies dolls, and ask to the saler girl......
" how much cost barbie nurse ?....she said..... 7 usd, and how much for the ballet barbie.....7 usd, and the teacher barbie....7 usd, mmm.....what about the princess barbie.....same price...he asked about 10 kinds of barbies and all the same price...then he saw a big box with the title....."barbie divorced" and he asked..." how much for the barbie divorced" ??? and she said....100 usd...what???? how come that expensive....??...and saler said...because she has ken's convertible ferrari, ken's residence, ken's mansion in paris , ken's boat, ken's trailer house, ken's motor bike.....bla bla bla bla " jejejejeje smile!!!