Shacking up-----vs marriage (22)

Mar 3, 2007 11:50 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
lvslife
lvslifelvslifemoore, USA223 Threads 2,565 Posts
your views?

Shacking up is not my cup of tea anymore. Been there done that. Wasn't a good mindset for me. I lose respect for the man in my life when I live with them.
People say what is a piece of paper, but what is living together with no committment? Shacking up for me means, no real values to the relationship. It is an easy way to have a playmate without being serious.
To be fearful of marriage, is to me to be selfish. What I mean is that so many are afraid of the expense of that divorce or losing what they have. Well, if that be the case, then shouldn't you maybe just live alone?
Anyway, I am all for marriage. But, to have the false security of simply living together is nil to none. It feels to me like a disposable diaper. Use it then throw it away.
Katsigh
Mar 4, 2007 9:52 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
Lisa1124
Lisa1124Lisa112473018, Oklahoma USA21 Posts
I agree. I have lived with someone before, we did end up getting married, and we shouldn't have. The next time I will listen to my intuition. It is what I am looking for, a life partner.smitten
Mar 5, 2007 12:46 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
steelfog405
steelfog405steelfog405Cache, Oklahoma USA1 Posts
I do believe in marriage, if the relationship has matured to that level. But I think it's unfair to call someone selfish if they wish not to get married, without looking into that persons history. Divorces are never pretty, no matter how "amicable" some people claim them to be. The more resentment that has built up over time, the uglier the proceedings will be. Accusations (both valid and fabricated) are thrown, legal loopholes are exploited, friends are forced to choose sides in some cases, and if children are involved, it's even worse. The only real winners in a divorce are the lawyers. Statistically, men are the majority losers in divorces, even if the wife was 100% wrong. Some people have deep emotional scars after a divorce. It's almost paramount to being a victim of crime; you are forever wary of the possible circumtances that might lead to a repeat assault. The media doesn't help either. They constantly barrage us with explicit details of divorce cases of the rich and foolish and how much one side is losing to the other. For some men, this is enough for them to treat marriage like a phobia.
I don't think people should "play house". Either get married, keep dating that person from your own perspective locations, or find someone else. Too many times, couples decide to "play house", then one decides either to return to an "I'm still single" frame of mind or wants more control of the relationship. I think its hilarious on some of these TV reality court shows when two people who ended thier "house" agreement want the same protection under the law that is ajorned to married people. Yet, when the judge asks them the usual question, both partys either remain silent or give a juvenile generic answer.
Anyway, that's my opinion.
Mar 5, 2007 7:48 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
lvslife
lvslifelvslifemoore, USA223 Threads 2,565 Posts
I agree. Lawyers are the winners in divorce. Because so many people let them (the lawyers) lead them around by the nose, and put the hate in their hearts. There are mediators for this now days.
I have been both divorced and lived in sin with a man, two men. The divorce was okay til we got the lawyer involved. It gor really out of hand due to what the lawer said. As far as living with someone; to each their own. But for me it is a no go, no show. I will really soon become resentful, mistrusting and have little or no faith in that man. This is me. Living with smeone is too easy. Too easy to begin and too easy to push away.
As far as emotional scars; we don't have them from being thrown away like a sack of trash from being in that relationship with no commitment? Emotional pain is pain whether it be married pain or the shacking up kind.
Okay, you said playing house, I say shacking up. It's all good though., It means the same. So far, my teachings to my son has been good. He married, not shacked up. applause
I appreciate your opinion. I like the way you speak and you articulate yourself.
Welcome in. Please stick around.
Kathug cheers
Mar 18, 2007 11:52 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
cherokeemoon
cherokeemooncherokeemoongrove, Oklahoma USA13 Threads 711 Posts
U go girlpeace peace cheering
Mar 18, 2007 1:22 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
rrr1952
rrr1952rrr1952Ripley, Oklahoma USA520 Posts
Hi, it's good to see a couple of new faces here.thumbs up
Mar 18, 2007 11:23 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
lvslife
lvslifelvslifemoore, USA223 Threads 2,565 Posts
Why thank you....blushing wink tongue rolling on the floor laughing
Mar 19, 2007 10:53 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
rrr1952
rrr1952rrr1952Ripley, Oklahoma USA520 Posts
It's always good to see your face.kiss kiss grin
Mar 22, 2007 2:02 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
rrr1952
rrr1952rrr1952Ripley, Oklahoma USA520 Posts
Hi Kat, I can't find much of interest over there either. I get bored with it. I post in friends hang out; then look at a couple of those. If there isn't isn't anyone on friends; I hang it up.dunno
May 4, 2007 1:42 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
Shakkal
ShakkalShakkalYukon, Oklahoma USA2 Posts
Just to be devils advocate here, I think marriage really is just a piece of paper now days. It's a ticket for her to use when she decides to ditch the marriage for something more exciting and she gets a house he helped buy, a car he helped buy and he has to pay her money because she decided she wanted to run back out and play ho. I think perhaps it is a good idea for people to live together. If you are capable of an honest relationship then you don't need the marriage to make that stick, however if you aren't you do need it to screw the guy over when you leave. I think the basic problem is is that if you're not married, either one can say bye, and end it. with a marriage someone not only gets emotionally hosed, but financially as well.
May 4, 2007 6:48 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
oreocookie34
oreocookie34oreocookie34Oklahoma City, Oklahoma USA1 Threads 11 Posts
I think both options can work for different types of people. Me speaking from personal experience I have no intentions on remarrying nor do I want to run and get shacked up with somebody either. I think that once you reach that level in your relationship you should try to live together first and see how that goes and if you're willing to take the next step then move on from there. thumbs up
Jul 29, 2007 3:20 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
DrWhoopie
DrWhoopieDrWhoopieGrand Prairie, Texas USA7 Posts
There is only one way to get married, THAT is specified in the Bible.

Once we moved away from the fundamental principals of life and try to life the Liberal lifestyle, everything goes to hell.

THAT is because there is no FOUNDATION to support what you are trying to do.

Unless we first understand the fundamental foundations, only then can we move forward with something of solid worth.

All too many women are swayed by the feminist society that was born back in the late 60's and early 70's and THAT spread across the world like a cancer.

You find a way to stop THAT and you will be on the start of creating life long commitment and true marriage.
Jul 29, 2007 3:26 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
DrWhoopie
DrWhoopieDrWhoopieGrand Prairie, Texas USA7 Posts
YES! THIS is all so very true... As men get older, when they look at a woman, they often wonder, "What guy is paying for that house?"... Is she going to do the same thing to me? Is she hung up on fairytales and fantasy going into the relationship?

Men stand to lose BIG for even giving a woman their names these days. Look at California... ANY woman can get knocked-up and apply for public assistance and all the need to do is point to a man and say HE is the father and BAM! No DNA, no other paternity testing is ordered and the guy gets slammed with a child support award that stays with you through life...

TRY to fight it and you get slammed even harder... So the men are just supposed to shut up and pay.

Thank you N.O.W. and the sisterhood of wenches that stepped outside of the Bible's teaching and created a hell for the next 3 to 5 generations to come.

As I always state on issues like this... PROVE ME WRONG!
Sep 10, 2007 2:04 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
BrunetteOkie
BrunetteOkieBrunetteOkieMcCurtain, Oklahoma USA14 Posts
i just think marriage should be a 2 year contract with the option to renew
Dec 17, 2007 8:35 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
Marsha711
Marsha711Marsha711Tulsa, Oklahoma USA14 Posts
I lived with a man for 24 years and put up with a bunch of crap from his ex. I took the brunt of everything she had done to him. He was'nt ready for a commitment of any kind, his money was his and mine was ours. Every time I left him he cried till I came back and then it was still the same. Let by gones be by gones and find someone that will make a commitment and be happy like I,m still trying to do frustrated Endevor to persevere
Feb 28, 2009 11:15 AM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
beverduster
beverdusterbeverdusterchandler, Oklahoma USA2 Threads 11 Posts
differenht strokes for different folks, the way i look at it
Mar 26, 2009 9:18 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
muppetkiller
muppetkillermuppetkillerSnyder, Oklahoma USA5 Threads 310 Posts
DrWhoopie: YES! THIS is all so very true... As men get older, when they look at a woman, they often wonder, "What guy is paying for that house?"... Is she going to do the same thing to me? Is she hung up on fairytales and fantasy going into the relationship?

Men stand to lose BIG for even giving a woman their names these days. Look at California... ANY woman can get knocked-up and apply for public assistance and all the need to do is point to a man and say HE is the father and BAM! No DNA, no other paternity testing is ordered and the guy gets slammed with a child support award that stays with you through life...

TRY to fight it and you get slammed even harder... So the men are just supposed to shut up and pay.

Thank you N.O.W. and the sisterhood of wenches that stepped outside of the Bible's teaching and created a hell for the next 3 to 5 generations to come.

As I always state on issues like this... PROVE ME WRONG!


Geez, last relationship I had, I paid all the bills, refused to get married and didn't want anymore kids. I spelled it out, upfront. Two years later I was a wench for not wanting kids. I didn't change, he did.

10 years later, I still don't want to get married, don't want kids, and the new one pays the bills for now. He wants to get married, while I say no. He thinks I'm the coolest thing since sliced bread. He won't let me pay bills and I will never wear a ring, much less have a kid, or take his name.

If I get ready to leave, I like to travel light. No baggage for me, thanks.
Apr 13, 2009 2:24 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
Lettermage
LettermageLettermageEnid, Oklahoma USA1 Threads 4 Posts
Personally, I would prefer that I live with my significant other for a little while (maybe 6 months to year tops) because it helps to see their home life. Sure, it's completely possible without doing such, but living together breaks down one of those barriers that comes up in relationships with my generation. Unfortunately, so many of my peers are very pragmatic and detached from humanity as a society, but that's for another post. If things are still going well after a few months, it's time to start shopping, and head forward. Now, this doesn't say that sleeping in the same bed comes with living together. Some couples would prefer it, some would prefer separate bedrooms until matrimony, but for me, it's just the simple statement of living together lets me see how they handle their home life/responsibilities.

Sorry if this came out a bit weird, my brain's kinda scattered today :)
Apr 28, 2009 8:34 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
Patsy1945
Patsy1945Patsy1945Muskogee, Oklahoma USA8 Posts
I was first married in 1962. You are so right about the way things changed. As I remember right, it actually started in the 60's. Another thing that started big time back then was LSD and many different kinds of uppers and downers (as they called them).Another big one was psycology. They started infuencing alot of people. They were actually brainwashing, especially young women. Then there was the womens lib. Oh yes, equal pay for equal work. Not many men were out of work back then but soon were and some probably decided why not let her support me and I'll stay with the kids. Women started getting too independant and I think it was a womans downfall when she went to work, because she started throwing it in the mans face--"I can make my own money and buy what I want" They lost respect for their husbands and the male ego was really shot down. The man is suppose to be the head of the house. Not the woman. It's in the Bible, but now even the Bible is getting doubted and God is left out of most everything. Americans--we will pay and pay dearly. It's already started, can't you see it? Better read and study the Bible. If we are ashamed of the Gospel of Christ and deny Him who died for our sins and paid the price we could never pay. He says, He will deny us before His father. Read and study. Three minutes after someone goes to hell, they will be sorry and there will be no more chances. We have now to get ready. Don't procrastinate.
DrWhoopie: There is only one way to get married, THAT is specified in the Bible.

Once we moved away from the fundamental principals of life and try to life the Liberal lifestyle, everything goes to hell.

THAT is because there is no FOUNDATION to support what you are trying to do.

Unless we first understand the fundamental foundations, only then can we move forward with something of solid worth.

All too many women are swayed by the feminist society that was born back in the late 60's and early 70's and THAT spread across the world like a cancer.

You find a way to stop THAT and you will be on the start of creating life long commitment and true marriage.
Apr 28, 2009 10:06 PM CST Shacking up-----vs marriage
sasseez
sasseezsasseezlakes entrance, Victoria Australia1 Threads 3,150 Posts
i was married wish i hadnt we lived together things were gr8 as soon as i signed the papers he became violent and possesive and now i would never put myself there again so living together in my eyes the better option.
U still love the same and care the same and each ones respects the other is there own person grin
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by lvslife (223 Threads)
Created: Mar 2007
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