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"This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone. "We have the results back from your test and... I'm sorry, you have an extremely contagious deadly disease known as G.A.S.H."
"G.A.S.H?" replies the man. "What in the hell is that?"
"It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, SARS and Herpes," explains the doctor.
"My gosh, Doc!" screams the man in a panic, "what are we going to do?"
"Well, we're going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, pancakes, quesadillas and pita bread," says the doctor matter-of-factly.
"Will that cure me?"
"Well, no..." says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."