My daughter (14)
i'm not sure what to say. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Normally, I would say to alert her school counselor, just to keep an eye on her. Sometimes children who don't show anything at home could be suffering at school. Being summertime I guess that doesn't help much. Keep talking to her...
Normally, I would say to alert her school counselor, just to keep an eye on her. Sometimes children who don't show anything at home could be suffering at school. Being summertime I guess that doesn't help much. Keep talking to her...
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Visiting the grave sites might help to establish the continued connection. I would hold off on therapy until as you said, emotional problems become apparent. This is very unfortunate, the greiving process may take a while. Let her act it out through phases of anger, etc.
The help I would seek for now is how to answer some of her questions about death. If I think of more, will post.
Good Luck!
The help I would seek for now is how to answer some of her questions about death. If I think of more, will post.
Good Luck!
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I dont have much advice, but then again, some days I dont know what to say to my almost three yr old when he asks if he can go to his dads (their dad passed 10mo ago). I would say that I would probably talk to your daughters dr and see what he/she thinks. If shes not emotionally withdrawn, she probably understands more than we tend to give kids credit for. KWIM?
(((hugs)))
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Have you asked her what she thinks about it? What her feelings are? Told her how you feel so she has reassurance that anything she feels is okay? Children can be surprisingly accepting of death, but it is good to keep an eye on her emotional state.
Also, my condolences on your losses. How are you doing?
Also, my condolences on your losses. How are you doing?
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Thanks everyone for your advice. I have been talking to her about the people that passed but not so much about the death. I just hope it won't have a lasting effect on her. She is currently going through the funural stage for her great grandmother ( she passed away on saturday). She seamed ok when she got home today, but cried herself to sleep again.
As for me, my grandfather was the first person that I was close to that died. I'm still dealing with the fact that I didn't get to see him much before he went (he lived in Florida) . I try to get as much time as possible with my family now that I realize how quick life can end.
As for me, my grandfather was the first person that I was close to that died. I'm still dealing with the fact that I didn't get to see him much before he went (he lived in Florida) . I try to get as much time as possible with my family now that I realize how quick life can end.
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My sincere condolences for your loses to you and your daughter. I have dealt with what you are dealing with when my children's only living grandmother unexpectedly passed away and another very close friend of the family unexpectedly passed also. Kids are much more adaptable to change than we adults are, I think. Death is part of the cycle of life, just as living is. In the case of an illness as severe as cancer can be, death can be seen as a relief to much suffering and pain. Death does not mean that we will not terribly miss the person that has passed away. That is a normal human emotion to miss someone we loved and who was a part of our life, that is no longer with us. A part of that person(s) will always be with us in our Hearts and minds forever. The love they shared with us, as well as how they impacted our lives will be a treasured memory. If one can view the passing of another as a Celebration of their life, I think it makes things much more bearable. My very best to you and yours.
Blessings~
Dayna
Blessings~
Dayna
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I know what you mean because in one month, I lost my great grandmother (Aug 1) and then my kids father (aug 26th... was 7mo pregnant with the baby) and they were the first people close to me that had ever passed.
The one thing that I was told... is dont stop talking about them, dont let them be forgotten in yours or your childs minds and hearts. People tend to "forget" those who have passed.
The one thing that I was told... is dont stop talking about them, dont let them be forgotten in yours or your childs minds and hearts. People tend to "forget" those who have passed.
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You ask tough tough questions --I lost two parents, a sister, a brother, and a mother in law in a space of ten years -- it just seemed like one after the other. I have no advice, I found for me that only time helped.
I guess you should just give her more hugs and if she says anything, deal with it in an honest open manner. How are you faring --your loss is great too? I think I would remember and dwell on the good times and just celebrate their life.
Heres a hug for you.
R
I guess you should just give her more hugs and if she says anything, deal with it in an honest open manner. How are you faring --your loss is great too? I think I would remember and dwell on the good times and just celebrate their life.
Heres a hug for you.
R
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Thanks everyone.
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I would not suggest any counseling, especially if she's doing alright. That would unnecessarily inflate the subject and make it seem worse than it is (death is part of life after all). I think most kids deal relatively well with death, maybe because they don't quite understand its magnitude yet. Consequently, a lot of children cope a great deal better with someone passing away and funerals than most adults. They forget faster. I believe the trauma would be bigger if you deal with it as anything else as a natural process. It's more important how you handle the event yourself. If you stay strong and don't turn into a emotional wreck then so will your daughter. That doesn't mean you can't teach compassion at the same time.
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I heard this once, and seems to actually work.
Have her write a letter to them, telling them how she feels, and that she loves them. Then let her hang them next to pictures of the people she lost. Make sure to tell her, they will know what she writes, as they can hear her thinking about them as she writes these letters.
This is supposed to help with the accepting of the loss, and begining to cope with it easier for kids.
I hope this does help.
And if she is having a hard time with it, I would not rule out professional help as well. Sometimes it takes more than just love to help kids get through these hard times.
Best wishes.
Have her write a letter to them, telling them how she feels, and that she loves them. Then let her hang them next to pictures of the people she lost. Make sure to tell her, they will know what she writes, as they can hear her thinking about them as she writes these letters.
This is supposed to help with the accepting of the loss, and begining to cope with it easier for kids.
I hope this does help.
And if she is having a hard time with it, I would not rule out professional help as well. Sometimes it takes more than just love to help kids get through these hard times.
Best wishes.
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First let me offer my condolences for the recent losses you sustained My thoughts regarding children and death are for the most part we do not prepare them for a normal transition that everyone sooner or later will face. We need to teach children that we are not going to live forever. If there is someone who is terminally ill, we need to talk to children the same way we would an adult, in a gentler manner of course and let them know, "Grandmother is very sick and may not be with us much longer", etc. There are some wonderful books regarding death written just for children, it helps them cope with the realities of life. When I was 5 years of age my grandfather whom I was extremely close to passed away. Prior to his passing he and my grandmother would visit every week. So when he didn't come one week and I asked where he was, I was told he went to "heaven". I had no concept of heaven and my vision of him going up to the sky..well, needless to say is I kept thinking, Won't he fall down out of the sky? So for 4 years I kept looking for my grandfather to come back, I couldn't understand why he would want to go up there instead of staying down here with me. When I finally realised what "death" meant I was devastated and it took me a long time to get over it. So I think being real with children is extremely important. I think you need to monitor your daughter's behaviour, if she is constantly crying, does not engage in her regular activities (playing) or becomes completely withdrawn, then by all means seek counselling for her. Otherwise, simply talking about her feelings, comforting her and keeping her grandparent's memories alive might be sufficient. Good luck to you
My thoughts regarding children and death are for the most part we do not prepare them for a normal transition that everyone sooner or later will face. We need to teach children that we are not going to live forever. If there is someone who is terminally ill, we need to talk to children the same way we would an adult, in a gentler manner of course and let them know, "Grandmother is very sick and may not be with us much longer", etc. There are some wonderful books regarding death written just for children, it helps them cope with the realities of life. When I was 5 years of age my grandfather whom I was extremely close to passed away. Prior to his passing he and my grandmother would visit every week. So when he didn't come one week and I asked where he was, I was told he went to "heaven". I had no concept of heaven and my vision of him going up to the sky..well, needless to say is I kept thinking, Won't he fall down out of the sky? So for 4 years I kept looking for my grandfather to come back, I couldn't understand why he would want to go up there instead of staying down here with me. When I finally realised what "death" meant I was devastated and it took me a long time to get over it. So I think being real with children is extremely important. I think you need to monitor your daughter's behaviour, if she is constantly crying, does not engage in her regular activities (playing) or becomes completely withdrawn, then by all means seek counselling for her. Otherwise, simply talking about her feelings, comforting her and keeping her grandparent's memories alive might be sufficient. Good luck to you------ This thread is Archived ------
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Is counseling a good idea if she isn't having any emotional problems yet. I'm just trying to figure out if I should try it before she shows the signs or if it might make her think about it more often.