Wacky Wednesday (5)

Company Mergers
Are your investments in order? Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:

Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.

Polygram Records, Warner Brothers, and Keebler Crackers merge to become Polly-Warner-Cracker.

3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.

John Deere and Abitibi-Price merge to become Deere Abi.

Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.

Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil merge to become Honey I'm Home.

Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become Mine All Mine.

Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.

Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.

3M, J.C. Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.

Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women will merge and become Knott NOW!

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You're cute."

"What happened to 'beautiful'?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.




A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."

The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?"

The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.

At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Coffin Groaner, Beware
A man is walking home late one night, when he hears a ....
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP .....
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP .......
.
.
.
.
.
.
. BUMP ......behind him.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Walking faster he looks back
and makes out the image of an upright
coffin banging its way down the
middle of the street towards him.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
Terrified, the man begins to run towards
his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him.
.
.
.
.
.
.
faster
.
.
.
.
.
.
faster
.
.
.
.
.
.
faster
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
The man reaches his door,
fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in,
slams and locks the door behind him.
.
.
.
.
.
.
However, the coffin crashes through his door
with the lid of the coffin flapping open
.
.
.
.
.
.
flappity BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
flappity BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
flappity BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
flappity BUMP
.
.
.
.
.
.
On the heels of the terrified man
.
.
.
.
.
.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding, his head is reeling
his breath is coming is sobbing gasps.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
With a loud CRASH the coffin breaks down
the bathroom door, bumping and flapping towards him.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup
.
.
.
.
.
.
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the coffin ...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.... the coffin stops.

I LOVE THAT COFFIN JOKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!