gift (26)

It sure should be gift(s). While you can not help or control the quality of your genes you can do a lot (or miss) in _active_ parenting. In this sense _passive_ parenting are the things that come more or less naturally like love, trust, warmth.

_Active_ parenting for me are the things you do, because you made a plan for yourself how you want to raise your children, which value system (church/religion, which one), degree of control, ideas of what is desirable in life etc.

The most important building block of the _active_ parenting to me seems to be the fact of being consequent and giving clear signals about borders (always, hence the mentioning of consequence). "Child, this is an area where you can decide, right or wrong, and we talk about it afterwards" and "Child, this is an area where I show you a clear border line and where I do not accept, that you go over it". And again, all this done with consequence on a daily basis. If something is not accepted it is not accepted and not today yes, tomorrow no and by this sending out indifferent signals to the kid.

The second generalized building block: Help the kid to develop in the range of its own talents and abilities. The point here is not to impose MY wishes and dreams but to discover and develop the possibillities of the child.

Is that easy to do? No. Its constant work and adjustment and self reflection and coordination with the partner to work along the same line.

CU ph.

Hi Phaidros

But apart from being consequent, there is also a constant need to change approach .. find new way´s of communication in reflecting the age thing, as they grew quickly and try new way´s of independence .. searching to find their part in society ..
One wants to grow their independence, still make them recognize and understand the responsabilities and borders.. one wants to protect them - guide them, but not overprotect - meanwhile often Mum is considdered
" uncool" or "unfair", to just plain boring or even embaressing ..
.. and yes it is a continuation challenge "learning by doing"

Original quote of my second oldest daughter (now 24):
"When I was young, I could have killed you sometimes, now I want to say thank you that you did it this way."

Anyone any idea of a bigger gift back?

CU Ph.

with regard to good parenting i feel that is passed down by parents to children through the genes and generations