Is this love? ( Archived) (63)

Oct 3, 2007 12:01 PM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
I don't know how to phrase this.
Well, i have this 22 year old finnish friend. She got married at 20 to an ex convict African American who says he won't work. They have a child and this girl works two jobs as she is the sole bread winner!
Ok, i am not perfect and i don't mean to judge but am i wrong to think she is being used? I am really trying to avoid her because i am afraid that one day i just might give my unsolicited opinion. They say they are in love and all but i don't see how a grown up 34 yr old man will say " i'm not doing no odd jobs, hell how am i supposed to explain that to my moms?". Like that would be harder to explain than confessing to doing crime! My question is, am i wrong not to want to hang out with her?
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Oct 3, 2007 12:25 PM CST Is this love?
davemoi
davemoidavemoiDublin, Ireland2 Posts
Any "Man" who wont work to support his woman and provide for his child is a waste of space. Love is blind. Maybe not hanging out for a while may make her cop on some.
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Oct 3, 2007 12:30 PM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Thanks Dave!hug
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Oct 3, 2007 1:18 PM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Where's Smoky when i need her advice.....moping
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Oct 5, 2007 1:27 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Oh my, no help when one needs it so i guess it's off to talk about a different kind of scam. Internet scam.

moping
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Oct 5, 2007 1:34 AM CST Is this love?
LadyHawk75
LadyHawk75LadyHawk75Ocean Shores, Washington USA16 Threads 609 Posts
You have the choice in who you hang out with. And he's a loser for not providing for his family. Just because he's an ex con doesn't mean he can't get a job. The boi needs to step up and take responsibility. Yes it's harder for an ex con to get a job, but there are those that will hire them. He just needs to apply. Keep your chin up hun. If she's blind, it's not your fault or problem. hug
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Oct 5, 2007 1:45 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Thanks alot and i do agree it's not my problem that's why i've never given her my opinion regarding the whole scenario. Thing is i'm trying to avoid her and not sure i am being fair in doing so.dunno confused

Also, the guy not being able to work is not because of his past, it's because as he says " odd jobs aren't for me"
The girl works so hard with waitressing and nanny jobs.
One of the other reasons i am trying to avoid her is because she seems so naive it's annoying. The guy will make corny remarks about things he shouldn't in her presence.

One time he said "Thank God for these females, we men would have it so hard without their financial support, anyway, i'd rather be on welfare than go do those kinds of jobs"
When he sees mixed race kids speaking in finnish he says "Man , that's a sell out right there, i don't want my son speaking no finnish!"

She sits there and says absolutely nothing! She seems plain dumb!
doh
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Oct 5, 2007 1:46 AM CST Is this love?
scubabunny
scubabunnyscubabunnylittlerock, Arkansas USA3 Threads 74 Posts
Its hard when you care about someone to you care about, He sounds like a bum and she will need your friendship, we should not abandon people we care about because they make poor judgements. One day she will see the light!doh
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Oct 5, 2007 1:50 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Thanks scubabunny. I would like to be her friend but afraid i will one day just burst out and give her an opinion she might not take so well.

conversing
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Oct 5, 2007 1:52 AM CST Is this love?
scubabunny
scubabunnyscubabunnylittlerock, Arkansas USA3 Threads 74 Posts
What are friends for. I was in the same situation and once my friend said something it caused me to take a reality check and change the situation. Of course I was in denial for awhile but we are not perfect and I got mad at her for butting in but I know she did it because she knew I was worth more than what I had! We are still best friends!
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Oct 5, 2007 1:55 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
Wow, i'm happy for you Scuba. Nothing like seeing things for what they really are. Think i'll cautiously broach the subject and see how she takes it.

applause
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Oct 5, 2007 1:59 AM CST Is this love?
scubabunny
scubabunnyscubabunnylittlerock, Arkansas USA3 Threads 74 Posts
Be sure to let her know that you care about her no matter what and that is why you need to share your feelings with her...Good luck
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Oct 5, 2007 2:00 AM CST Is this love?
scubabunny
scubabunnyscubabunnylittlerock, Arkansas USA3 Threads 74 Posts
Us women must stick together and have each others backs ! especially from the trash in the worldgrin
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Oct 5, 2007 2:01 AM CST Is this love?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
Everybody should learn to speak Finnish!laugh
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Oct 5, 2007 2:03 AM CST Is this love?
scubabunny
scubabunnyscubabunnylittlerock, Arkansas USA3 Threads 74 Posts
Then you must teach uslaugh
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Oct 5, 2007 2:13 AM CST Is this love?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
I'm a bit rusty even though it was the first language i learned. Not too many Finns to talk to here on CS. Or where I live either.
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Oct 5, 2007 2:15 AM CST Is this love?
rivame
rivamerivamemelbourne, Victoria Australia54 Threads 3 Polls 4,601 Posts
Hugs is the language...

of friends....
hug
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Oct 5, 2007 2:16 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
If a child is partly finnish and lives in Finland, yes they should speak it and it has nothing to do with being a sellout.

Mitä kuulu?wave
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Oct 5, 2007 2:22 AM CST Is this love?
lusciousmile
lusciousmilelusciousmileThere, Aland Islands Finland25 Threads 2 Polls 11,989 Posts
I agree. I especially hate it when 'some' older men will try to manipulate women who haven't really matured. Take for instance this friend of mine. She got pregnant and married at 20. At 22, she still can't stand up for herself when her man is talking 'smart'

I'm not saying no one should get married at 20, people are different and some mature early, however, i just think that we make worse choices at that age than when older.

dunno dunno dunno
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Oct 5, 2007 3:06 AM CST Is this love?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
Kisses must be the exclamation points!kiss
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