Have you ever had an abusive Partner? ( Archived) (55)

Nov 14, 2007 11:43 PM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
Imasquirly1
Imasquirly1Imasquirly1Springfield, Illinois USA155 Threads 3,161 Posts
Both men and women can be abused by their partner. Abuse can be either physical, mental or emotional.

Most of the time you hear about men beating on women because it is the most common form of abuse...

for some people it can be very embarrasing to admit that they are in an abusive relationship...they will make excuses for the abuser and let them back into their life....

I am not pointing fingers at anyone...I know this is not an easy subject to chat about...it is an important subject though...

I was in a physically abusive relationship for almost 6 years...this morning, it came back to bite me again....

my ex who is suposed to stay away from me because of a restraining order...showed up at my home...I was getting ready to take a day trip for personal business.... I was blindsided by him...and now...am bearing once again, the marks of his wrath as he is coming down from being high on whatever drug he chose to use last.....I haven't had to deal with this for almost 9 months now and It has thrown me for quit a loop....I had forgotten the fear that surrounded it....

Has anyone else been in a relationship like this....and if so, how long did it take you to get out of it???
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Nov 14, 2007 11:59 PM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
totallytopside
totallytopsidetotallytopsideIronton, Minnesota USA5 Threads 641 Posts
You're right about these things being hard to talk about. I hope that there aren't many who have experienced this, but I may be optimistic with my hopes. The only reason I'm replying here is to let you know that I can relate to your circumstances. Didn't want you to be set aside for fun and entertaining topics.

sigh

It's taken me much too long to get this far, so I'll just stop here. Remember though that good times are never far away, maybe just out of sight.

blues
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Nov 15, 2007 12:05 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
Imasquirly1
Imasquirly1Imasquirly1Springfield, Illinois USA155 Threads 3,161 Posts
Thank you for your reply..I was getting the feeling that I was the only one...

I won't have to worry about him for some time now...which is a HUGE relief...I just had forgotten all the fear that went with it...I can't stop looking over my shoulder again.....it will just take time again....

Thanks again Totallytopside...cheers
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Nov 15, 2007 12:08 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
yep i was married to him for close to 13 yrs....grrrrhug
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Nov 15, 2007 12:13 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
singleinregina
singleinreginasingleinreginaRegina, Saskatchewan Canada62 Threads 1,238 Posts
I am sorry to hear you have been mistreated dear, remember you are above it...you are better and do not conduct yourself like that. Keep your mind focused and go forward. Other people have their lives and you must live yours to the best of your ability....not always easy I know.

My ex abused me in many ways, mostly psychologically but somewhat physically and eventually violently, before I sent her packin. No need to put up with garbage, there simply is not time.

head banger
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Nov 15, 2007 12:19 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
Ambrose2007
Ambrose2007Ambrose2007BFE, South Dakota USA110 Threads 17 Polls 14,069 Posts
I'm sorry to hear that happened (did you call the police?), Imas. I hope you're okay!

comfort hug
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Nov 15, 2007 12:20 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
I can relate, although mine wasn't physical abuse, it was more mental & emotional abuse. I lived with it for 17 years and it was maybe the last 3 or 4 years of that 17 that it was dawning on me what was happening. My parents really didn't know what was happening until I finally told them. The abuse came in the form of constantly tearing down my self esteem...nothing I ever did was good enough...I didn't dress nice enough...my suggestions weren't possible...and in fact was basically told to not talk to anyone when he was required to bring me to a business "social" function because he didn't want me to embarass him.

Even though I've been divorced for 10 years, he's still a control freak. Constantly trying to harass me with different issues and making decisions unilaterally and then expecting me to pay for half the cost. The whole divorce process was a total self esteem grinder. I ended up feeling more worthless and used. That feeling has a tendency to creep back in, especially when I think about my boys & that their dad is doing the same thing to them (but no one can see it except for me & my parents). But I work on it every day. It's certainly better now than it was 10 years ago...and even better than it was back in 2005. I get a mixture of positive & constructive criticism at work...and even with the constructive I'm told I'm doing a good job, so there's some esteem boosting there. The rest of it, has to come from me...positive input from a partner certainly wouldn't hurt.

Guess the abuse snuck up on me since it wasn't physical. If it had been, things would've ended a whole lot sooner because I never would've put up with it (would've known it was happening)...where the other was so sneaky it took me awhile to catch on. It has caused me to keep my eyes more open from now on...not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing...lol Certainly has made me pickier, which has made it harder for me to find a partner.

So hang in there guirly. If it's absolutely necessary, you may need to change where you live so he can't find you again. I hope he ended up in jail for violating the restraining order.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:22 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
coastalblues
coastalbluescoastalbluestoledo, Oregon USA7 Threads 256 Posts
yes I was in an abusive relationship for too long and finally left when the abuse turned to my kids ....
that was it for me...
but know my kids are paying for it and we are slowly bringing our lifes back together ....never will I do this again....hopefully
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Nov 15, 2007 12:28 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
singleinregina
singleinreginasingleinreginaRegina, Saskatchewan Canada62 Threads 1,238 Posts
oh God that sounds so much like what I went through too.
17 yrs...the last 4 yrs...

you have my best wishes dear, really.

head banger
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Nov 15, 2007 12:30 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
Yeah, it's usually not talked about so you never know that there are other people who have gone through or are currently going through the same thing. Same way with divorces...you always think someone else's went so smoothly, until you get to talking with them & find out it was just as bad or worse than your own.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:31 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
DinaD
DinaDDinaDKingsport, Tennessee USA17 Threads 977 Posts
OMG, wow. Very sorry to hear that. That's a terrifying situation to be in :(
My ex was verbally/mentally abusive, but never hit me.

I did have a stalker ex boyfriend once though. He would follow me everywhere I went, hide in the bushes outside my house and watch me, sleep in the woods near my house to keep an eye on me.
He would confront me once in a while, and it always scared me, not knowing what he might do.

He finally caught me alone one night, surprised me, I had the window down in the car, he just walked up and jerked the keys out of the ignition. I was miles from anywhere, and he actually hit me. We got into a for real "fight" and I felt as though, if I did not fight back and get away from him somehow, he was going to kill me.

I really don't remember much of the actual fight as I guess I was just so frightened my mind blocked it out, but I did get to the car and manage to lock it and speed away.

I had a restraining order on him, and a few days later, he blocked my car in at the grocery store, ripped my license plate off my car with his hands, and threw it across the parking lot while screaming and yelling. He had a ballbat with him too, but did not do anything else at that time, as there was a large crowd in the parking lot.

He continued to stalk me however, and I ended up moving about 5 times over 2 years to ever get rid of him. The police could never catch him as he had no address on file.

My friends were afraid to be around me, even my own family :(
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Nov 15, 2007 12:40 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
Yikes!! jaw drop He hasn't been around recently I hope. Moving was probably the best thing you could've done.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:41 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
singleinregina
singleinreginasingleinreginaRegina, Saskatchewan Canada62 Threads 1,238 Posts
that's wild for sure...stakers are scary. my ex is crazy but she just wants to bury me financially, she can't manipulate me any other way anymore. she has done lots of F*d up things but I have and always will go forward.

head banger
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Nov 15, 2007 12:45 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
DinaD
DinaDDinaDKingsport, Tennessee USA17 Threads 977 Posts
No thankfully. This was years ago.
I did however, see him a few years ago walking down the street where I was living in at the time.
He stared at me as I drove past him and tried not to look at him. I still felt the terror even though it had been many years. I looked in the rear view and he was staring right at us.
I was afraid for a while after that, but he never bothered us. I guess maybe it had been long enough and I had changed enough, he wasn't sure it was me. Or maybe he was busy stalking someone else
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Nov 15, 2007 12:45 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
I'm looking forward to next year. I get to put a stop to the wage assignment for child support (yep...I pay) in May. The stuff he's trying to get me to pay for I'm ignoring at my attorney's advice because he agrees with me that I shouldn't have to pay for something that I didn't have a say in. So the light in that there tunnel is gettin brighter grin
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Nov 15, 2007 12:46 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
I'm hoping for you that he's found someone new to stalk.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:48 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
DinaD
DinaDDinaDKingsport, Tennessee USA17 Threads 977 Posts
Well, I am out of state now, and, hopefully he is in prison by now so he can't stalk anyone else.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:51 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
CLLGEGRL
CLLGEGRLCLLGEGRLSan Antonio, Texas USA1 Threads 597 Posts
I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship. It lasted over 2 years. I was too much in love to walk away. I never would have pictured myself saying anything like that. The abuse ended and we made the best of the last 3 1/2 years we had together.
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Nov 15, 2007 12:55 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
Yeah cheering Good for you on the move.
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Nov 15, 2007 1:01 AM CST Have you ever had an abusive Partner?
Gothbabe
GothbabeGothbabeDurban, KwaZulu-Natal South Africa74 Threads 2 Polls 1,880 Posts
Hey Squirly.......wave

I've been in an abusive relationship for two years before I left him......I know exactly what you mean by the fear surrounding the whole thing. Some nights I slept with a knife under the spare bed when I knew he was going to come home drunk......

In 1998 we got separated and I haven't heard from him until 2003 when he just popped out of nowhere the one day, (at my work of all places) and I immediately started to tremble and my tongue got that funny taste.......I should have know he'd pop up some time, because I have this scar on my lip which never went away.....whenever this scar gets tender, I know I'm gonna see him.....it's like when you've had a broken arm and whenever the arm gets sore, you know cold or rain is coming.

Thank you for a good threadhug
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