Have you ever had an abusive Partner? ( Archived) (42)

that's wild for sure...stakers are scary. my ex is crazy but she just wants to bury me financially, she can't manipulate me any other way anymore. she has done lots of F*d up things but I have and always will go forward.

I'm looking forward to next year. I get to put a stop to the wage assignment for child support (yep...I pay) in May. The stuff he's trying to get me to pay for I'm ignoring at my attorney's advice because he agrees with me that I shouldn't have to pay for something that I didn't have a say in. So the light in that there tunnel is gettin brighter

I'm hoping for you that he's found someone new to stalk.

Yeah Good for you on the move.

Hey Squirly.......

I've been in an abusive relationship for two years before I left him......I know exactly what you mean by the fear surrounding the whole thing. Some nights I slept with a knife under the spare bed when I knew he was going to come home drunk......

In 1998 we got separated and I haven't heard from him until 2003 when he just popped out of nowhere the one day, (at my work of all places) and I immediately started to tremble and my tongue got that funny taste.......I should have know he'd pop up some time, because I have this scar on my lip which never went away.....whenever this scar gets tender, I know I'm gonna see him.....it's like when you've had a broken arm and whenever the arm gets sore, you know cold or rain is coming.

Thank you for a good thread

March 7, 2007
Combustible feelings deep within rise to the surface and the nauseating memories flash through my mind.
I am assaulted by all of my senses as I try to push and purge it all away.
How can this happen after so many years away? How can this fear be never ending?
Daily life goes on and not a soul realizes that the torture and beatings are replayed and revisited constantly in my head. Every day I just pretend.
I am not paranoid, he is locked away but he will get out someday.
The clock ticks and the days pass, but I wait for the next court date. March 7, 2007. Just 3 short months away.
Seven years and 3 days ago, I walked, no ran away. I have been looking over my shoulder ever since that day.
I lock the doors and windows in my car and in my house and then I check them again. I have moved 13 times since then.
I am strong now but how quick he can make me weak. I am afraid to see him.
Locked in the shackles with the guards standing by with pistols at their sides. All he needs is just one little peek. I will crumble to floor maybe I will just run for the door.
He can't hurt me now. The police gave me a paper that says he has to stay away. I hope he reads it, I hope and pray.....

***
Thankfully he was denied parole this time. Next parole hearing is February 2008

Just When I Needed You Most

A little boy of five
Somewhere between my two son's ages
Is brought up in his loving father's arms
To bed
Kissed and tucked in for the night
Safe from the outside world
His father lies beside him and holds his son
Soon the two are close enough to share their heat
The little boy is suddenly pushed onto his face
Gently, but firmly and feels something strange
It begins to hurt
And he starts to cry
The pain overwhelms his mind
He clutches his pillow tight
Tears and tiny screams
It is over
The boy lies bleeding
Sobbing
Alone

The pain is with him for the next few days
And his father is somehow different
The boy knows by the looks he gets
And he feels as if he did something wrong
A little time passes
With a bit of healing
No more blood
Again his father brings him to bed
Again the horrible feelings
And the pain
And the blood
His father leaves him
Alone
Sobbing
The cycle repeats itself
The boy can remember the smell of his father's breath on his neck
The animal grunting drowning his own cries
The course touch of his hands
Directing his tiny hands to his father's private place
The swelling of his manhood
And the pain it will bring
The pattern begins to fill the boy with dread of night
He prays that no one will come at night
Sometimes he hears his father come up the stairs
But thankfully something keeps him away
In the morning his sister has the look
His tiny little sister

Alone
Sobbing
The children fear the night
The boy retreats into the darkness of his crawlspace
Sometimes it is enough
His father goes away
But his sister suffers instead
Occasionally he is found
And dragged from his safety
And filled with his father's love
The courseness of his beard burns
Leaving marks he is sure will be seen
No one notices anything
No ne says anything
No one helps
The boy is alone
His sister is alone
The boy grows older and begins to resist his fate
Fighting back only gets him hurt more
Beatings begin to occur in the day
Sacred day where safety always lay
Now becomes as frightening as the night
Now as scary a place as the dark
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to turn
His mother oblivious to his fate
Father tells him it is for his own good
And that it is what all fathers do
To teach their sons to become men
Years of this horror
Shut the boy's mind down
His father's game grows more obscene
His manhood forced into his mouth
And wet fluid spewn across his face
On his back
On his chest
Scrubbing will not remove the smell
Or the feel
The taste mars all he eats
He cannot wash it out

The little boy grows up
He is now twelve
Having endured the beatings and his father's love
For far too long
He wishes he were dead
He prays to God to kill him
Or do anything to him
Just make his father's love go away
His ister has withdrawn within herself
And no longer has friends
His mother's eyes are empty
Cold
Alone
Blind
Rage is replacing some of the fear
But the little boy cannot do what his mind demands
The conflict always gets him hurt
And rewarded with his caresses
One day he lashes out and beats his father
Trying with all his heart to kill him
His father lies broken and bloody
Soaking into the pillows of his bed
He is free
His father is dead
Sobbing
Unknowing
His father's eyes open
And he smiles
The boy's mind shatters as he runs away
Never is he touched again
Physically
Privately
His sister is the sole recipient of his father's love
Her precious time alone
While dad was loving his son
Is not there to give her mind a break
Her attention becomes constant
She is lost
Gone
Empty
Authorities come
They take the father away in chains
He is gone for a while
And then returns
He is sent away
The father is gone
The boy cries
He has ruined his father
His mother is lost
His sister is crying
Their family is alone

Mark

The lesson I took from this was to look upon every situation in my life and imagine what my father would have done. Then I do the exact opposite. It works like a charm, a lesson in the reversal.

Mark