Cat humor... ( Archived) (24)

Dec 2, 2007 11:02 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
Ok, laugh it up.
I hear it's good for you.
grin

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Things CATS Must Try To Remember:

*Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

**I shouldn't assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

*If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

**The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

*If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

*I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".

*Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

*No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.

*If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

*My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

*The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor or picking it up with my mouth and shaking it from side to side.

*I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

*I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

*It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.

*The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.

*If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

*I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

*The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

*I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.

*If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

*Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!


What a dog thinks about his master:
He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. He must be a god.

What a cat thinks about his master:
He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. I must be a god.


~^w^
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Dec 2, 2007 11:06 PM CST Cat humor...
76c3heater
76c3heater76c3heaterwest palm beach, USA34 Threads 1,784 Posts
LOL laugh
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Dec 2, 2007 11:06 PM CST Cat humor...
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA78 Threads 7 Polls 21,350 Posts
What a dog thinks about his master:
He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. He must be a god.

What a cat thinks about his master:
He loves me, he feeds and waters me, he takes care of me. I must be a god.

So true!!!laugh
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Dec 2, 2007 11:11 PM CST Cat humor...
RobbieM
RobbieMRobbieMHertford, Hertfordshire, England UK172 Threads 10 Polls 7,930 Posts
If you want an example of real cat humour look at my profile...i have a cat with his arse in my face taken yesterday at 4.45am one handed while i was being subduegated by the boss of the house!

It's hard taking pics one handed in bed with a cat in your face though.....has to be a 10 for trying though....enjoy and laugh!
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Dec 2, 2007 11:23 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
Ok, now that's cat humor!
I can see his little whiskers parted ever so slightly as he laughs.

rolling on the floor laughing
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Dec 2, 2007 11:30 PM CST Cat humor...
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
Spicey...so many of those are so true...lol My black cat keeps going over to one of the walls and meowing at it...lol She also likes to play "dead cat" in the middle of the floor....mind you, when the lights are out, she blends in real good.

Can we also add...
No matter how much I put my toy mice in the water bowl, they will never learn to swm. (that's my parents cats...lol)
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Dec 2, 2007 11:41 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
Oh, very nice!
Everyone should add their own stories...

Go for it!
applause
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Dec 2, 2007 11:46 PM CST Cat humor...
hrt4lse
hrt4lsehrt4lseRedding, California USA15 Threads 1,698 Posts
The black one also thinks she's a masuess (don't think I spelled the right)....she'll get on the back of the couch & "knead" my shoulders...it gets worse if I wear perfume, she ends up licking my neck...lol

Geez I need a guy...lol
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Dec 3, 2007 8:55 AM CST Cat humor...
Scottishlass
ScottishlassScottishlassKnoxville, Tennessee USA672 Threads 29 Polls 4,352 Posts
since i am owned by 2 cats i loved it
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Dec 3, 2007 9:02 AM CST Cat humor...
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,912 Posts
All to true i particualy liked

If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

Have a look at "My cat hates you" on line some great photos there
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Dec 3, 2007 9:04 AM CST Cat humor...
countryboy67
countryboy67countryboy67Kingston, Tennessee USA11 Threads 251 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Dec 3, 2007 10:05 AM CST Cat humor...
solitare
solitaresolitareBariloche, Rio Negro Argentina106 Threads 6,639 Posts
Make it three in my case...one of my weird fantasies would be to move to a small estate with acreage and a very large house so that I could have a pair of every type of cat there is...%D
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Dec 3, 2007 1:10 PM CST Cat humor...
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,912 Posts
I am being bossed around being made to feel guilty because i havent brought any cat sweets for Brian, She is trying to make me go out in the rain to get them, by staring at me a meowing pathetically. God i feel bad.blues
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Dec 3, 2007 2:36 PM CST Cat humor...
rwantin
rwantinrwantinRoyal Oak, Michigan USA21 Threads 11,127 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Thank you. Needed that on this Monday...thumbs up
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Dec 3, 2007 2:40 PM CST Cat humor...
Tumpa
TumpaTumpaottawa, Ontario Canada102 Threads 9,175 Posts
how does one write rrrroooorrrh?

Please tell me lady of onomatopeia.
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Dec 3, 2007 4:16 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
laugh

Oh, there are many cat calls for us human to learn...

There's
*meeeew...
(you've done well, my pet)

*Meeeow...
(pay attention to me now)

*Meeooooow...
(I said NOW)

*Rrrraaaaawlllll...
(oh, gawd... next time I'm training a monkey)

*brrtttmeow...
(you're so lucky I'm in a good mood)

*meow meow meow...
(OH! That's MY can of food!)

*quiet meow...
(this is your only warning, put the sandwich closer)

*Rrrrrrrooooowwwwllll...
(what is wrong with this door... is should be OPEN)

*pffttt pffffttt...
(oh, no you didn't)

*hsssssssssstt...
(that does it. Not only do I eat your toes tonight, but I'm going to go crap in your favorite shoe now)



Just let me know if you have any questions.
grin
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Dec 3, 2007 4:31 PM CST Cat humor...
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,912 Posts
i have had a reprieve she has stoped having a go about her cat treats and decided to climb up the curtains instead, Think i will go shopping tomorrowblues
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Dec 3, 2007 4:36 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
Missed that warning cry, did ya?

*Rrrraaaaawlllll...
(oh, gawd... next time I'm training a monkey)
laugh

I feel for you.
hug
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Dec 3, 2007 5:18 PM CST Cat humor...
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,912 Posts
she don't give warning crys she just gets to you by guilt then shreds things, At the moment she wants a cuddle so best go give
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Dec 4, 2007 2:12 PM CST Cat humor...
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA40 Threads 3 Polls 5,583 Posts
My cats seem to think they supersede my personal alarm.
On cat time, I must always be woken up 15 mins before the alarm goes off.
Once the alarm has sounded(and human remains in bed), the aggravation of human moves to level two... the pouching, and head pounding treatment. After that, it's all about the butt game.
Cats may thing the back end bears little difference from the front...
but I'm just going to agree to disagree that point.

^x^~
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