I told myself I would not be "those guys" that walk over their woman, ditch them, treat them like crap, etc.; I feel like I've gone that far.
Everything was going great between me and one particular individual, we were even going to move into a place together; then yesterday she told me she is pregnant. The father is her abusive ex she broke up with some months ago.
I want a family one day some years down the road but not this summer. I told her how I thought and felt about it all and it's not going over so well (go figure), but I just don't want this in my life right now.
I needed to get this out to someone, I need to here some kind of words of wisdom - something!
Sounds like there is more to this story than meets the eye.
Maybe it's better that you have let her know that you are not ready for all the complications that are to come about (being it's someone elses baby).
This would be a hugh responsibility for you and since it's not anything you brought about, it would sound like it is unjustified guilt you are experiencing. JMHO.
I can't make the connection between you being a bad person and her getting knocked up by another man. Wouldn't that make *her* the bad person? Unless I'm missing something here???
I hope everything works out for the best. I think it was very assertive of you to stand up for yourself and think about your future and starting a family when you are ready.
I'm so sorry, hon. You are not walking all over this woman, babe. She is walking on you. You are still so young. Don't buy into it. I'm so sorry you feel badly, and I know you well enough to know that you really do feel badly, I understand that. But please understand that you have nothing to feel bad about the way you are treating her. You just do what you have to do. Take care of you for now.
Stand by what you believe... not by what is popular in everyone else's eye. Stand for something or fall for everything.
If your heart tells you it's simply not the right situation, then by all means listen to it! If you ignore what you feel, you'll only end up in a bigger battle with yourself later on. This is hers to handle, not yours. It's all well & fine if you want an instant family & you're willing to jump into legal matter & all with her, but if not... let her decide how to procede on her own. Besides, getting into a new relationship is one thing... add dating a pregant woman to the equation & you have a big handful of.... well, let's just say a lot on your hands.
MVGCOKMoreno Valley, California, California USA561 posts
Let's face it King, she wasn't being faithful to you, so you shouldn't feel like crap. You were smart to walk away, cause let's face it, "he" her so called "ex", isn't quite an ex is he?
She has some issues and don't get sucked into her drama.
No where have i read how long you and her where "an item" nor the terms "love" "cared for" mentioned so you was gonna "move into a place together"probably split the rent and expenses too.
I'm guessing the term child or baby are not your favorite topics of discussion or past time. Its better for her,the baby, and you that you walk away now instead of playing the I don't know how to react. you know your position so why wait until the third trimester to bail . Leave now , as you have already seen you have the blessing of many a responders to this thread.
besides I really don't think those two have had closure yet anyway. now a child together... yeah walk away.
I wouldn't be quick to judge her until and unless u have had the opportuntiy to talk it through properly.. it could be as it seems.. but then again it could not!!... as for the baby.. Ive know people to bring up children in circumstances where the timing wasn't right and in circumstances where the child wasn't theirs and grown to love the child and think of him/her as their own..
One thing that indicates to me her seriousness towards you is that she was honest.. She had the option to lie also, but she chose the thruth...
There is no easy answer mate.. communication is a good start though..
See you are helping already! Now I do not have to wind this poor fellow with my blatherings... Thanks buddy! I knew you had it in you... It's kinda like being in two places at once (sorta like Ray?)
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I told myself I would not be "those guys" that walk over their woman, ditch them, treat them like crap, etc.; I feel like I've gone that far.
Everything was going great between me and one particular individual, we were even going to move into a place together; then yesterday she told me she is pregnant. The father is her abusive ex she broke up with some months ago.
I want a family one day some years down the road but not this summer. I told her how I thought and felt about it all and it's not going over so well (go figure), but I just don't want this in my life right now.
I needed to get this out to someone, I need to here some kind of words of wisdom - something!
...I feel like crap...