¿What have I become? ( Archived) (19)

Jan 5, 2008 8:14 PM CST ¿What have I become?
KingLeo
KingLeoKingLeoFrederickson, Washington USA26 Threads 472 Posts
sigh

I told myself I would not be "those guys" that walk over their woman, ditch them, treat them like crap, etc.; I feel like I've gone that far.

Everything was going great between me and one particular individual, we were even going to move into a place together; then yesterday she told me she is pregnant. The father is her abusive ex she broke up with some months ago.

I want a family one day some years down the road but not this summer. I told her how I thought and felt about it all and it's not going over so well (go figure), but I just don't want this in my life right now.

I needed to get this out to someone, I need to here some kind of words of wisdom - something!

...I feel like crap...

moping
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Jan 5, 2008 8:25 PM CST ¿What have I become?
unbelievable
unbelievableunbelievableColdwater, Kansas USA14 Posts
i sent you some mail
read and reread
this isnt a reason for you to feel bad

comfort
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Jan 5, 2008 8:26 PM CST ¿What have I become?
Dusty45
Dusty45Dusty45Louisville, Kentucky USA54 Threads 2,642 Posts
Sounds like there is more to this story than meets the eye.

Maybe it's better that you have let her know that you are not ready for all the
complications that are to come about (being it's someone elses baby).

This would be a hugh responsibility for you and since it's not anything you brought
about, it would sound like it is unjustified guilt you are experiencing. JMHO.

Best Wishes
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Jan 5, 2008 8:31 PM CST ¿What have I become?
girlnextdormouse
girlnextdormousegirlnextdormouseMarietta, Ohio USA34 Threads 544 Posts
I can't make the connection between you being a bad person and her getting knocked up by another man. Wouldn't that make *her* the bad person? Unless I'm missing something here???
confused

I hope everything works out for the best. I think it was very assertive of you to stand up for yourself and think about your future and starting a family when you are ready.
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Jan 5, 2008 8:47 PM CST ¿What have I become?
dcj22
dcj22dcj22Somewhere, Tennessee USA102 Threads 3 Polls 11,581 Posts
I'm so sorry, hon. You are not walking all over this woman, babe. She is walking on you. You are still so young. Don't buy into it. I'm so sorry you feel badly, and I know you well enough to know that you really do feel badly, I understand that. But please understand that you have nothing to feel bad about the way you are treating her. You just do what you have to do. Take care of you for now.

danahug
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Jan 5, 2008 8:52 PM CST ¿What have I become?
unbelievable
unbelievableunbelievableColdwater, Kansas USA14 Posts
These are all ladies responding to you

I hope you feel better.

It's sad but not your burden to bear.

Taking care of yourself is a really good skill so keep practicing.
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Jan 5, 2008 8:56 PM CST ¿What have I become?
KingLeo
KingLeoKingLeoFrederickson, Washington USA26 Threads 472 Posts
I just feel bad about leaving her in this situation.

You all are right though.

Thank You
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Jan 5, 2008 9:01 PM CST ¿What have I become?
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA36 Threads 3 Polls 4,493 Posts
Stand by what you believe... not by what is popular in everyone else's eye. Stand for something or fall for everything.

If your heart tells you it's simply not the right situation, then by all means listen to it! If you ignore what you feel, you'll only end up in a bigger battle with yourself later on.
This is hers to handle, not yours. It's all well & fine if you want an instant family & you're willing to jump into legal matter & all with her, but if not... let her decide how to procede on her own. Besides, getting into a new relationship is one thing... add dating a pregant woman to the equation & you have a big handful of.... well, let's just say a lot on your hands.

Believe in your feelings & stand up for yourself.
hug
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Jan 5, 2008 9:09 PM CST ¿What have I become?
MVGCOK
MVGCOKMVGCOKMoreno Valley, California, California USA13 Threads 561 Posts
Let's face it King, she wasn't being faithful to you, so you shouldn't feel like crap. You were smart to walk away, cause let's face it, "he" her so called "ex", isn't quite an ex is he?

She has some issues and don't get sucked into her drama.
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Jan 5, 2008 9:11 PM CST ¿What have I become?
MVGCOK
MVGCOKMVGCOKMoreno Valley, California, California USA13 Threads 561 Posts
Feel Bad? Why? It's not a situation you help create. Move on and find a woman who will be faithful to you and to you lone.
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Jan 5, 2008 9:20 PM CST ¿What have I become?
capigirl
capigirlcapigirlSan Diego, USA49 Threads 157 Posts
i agree 100%.
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Jan 5, 2008 10:01 PM CST ¿What have I become?
fireliter
fireliterfireliterAllen Park, Michigan USA502 Threads 14 Polls 5,902 Posts
No where have i read how long you and her where "an item" nor the terms "love" "cared for" mentioned so you was gonna "move into a place together"probably split the rent and expenses too.

I'm guessing the term child or baby are not your favorite topics of discussion or past time. Its better for her,the baby, and you that you walk away now instead of playing the I don't know how to react. you know your position so why wait until the third trimester to bail . Leave now , as you have already seen you have the blessing of many a responders to this thread.

besides I really don't think those two have had closure yet anyway. now a child together... yeah walk away.
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Jan 5, 2008 10:08 PM CST ¿What have I become?
spiceygamble
spiceygamblespiceygambleNola, Louisiana USA36 Threads 3 Polls 4,493 Posts
thumbs up
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Jan 6, 2008 9:25 AM CST ¿What have I become?
Dusty45
Dusty45Dusty45Louisville, Kentucky USA54 Threads 2,642 Posts
Just a comment:

If you were only living with this divorced woman, I don't see where there would be
any legal issues involved with you at all. (none in any degree)

Seems she had every right to file for custody whether you wanted her to or not.
The legal issues are between only the mother and the father.

Also, I don't see where shacking up with some other guy (you) would help her case. (??)

You may be a nice guy but matters between "families" belong just between them.
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Jan 6, 2008 9:57 AM CST ¿What have I become?
Aries01
Aries01Aries01Kent, England UK47 Threads 4 Polls 2,732 Posts
I wouldn't be quick to judge her until and unless u have had the opportuntiy to talk it through properly.. it could be as it seems.. but then again it could not!!... as for the baby.. Ive know people to bring up children in circumstances where the timing wasn't right and in circumstances where the child wasn't theirs and grown to love the child and think of him/her as their own..

One thing that indicates to me her seriousness towards you is that she was honest.. She had the option to lie also, but she chose the thruth...

There is no easy answer mate.. communication is a good start though..

I wish u the best of luck!! hugcomfort
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Jan 6, 2008 10:00 AM CST ¿What have I become?
markmeunier
markmeuniermarkmeunierTimmins, Ontario Canada16 Threads 3 Polls 912 Posts
See you are helping already! Now I do not have to wind this poor fellow with my blatherings... Thanks buddy! I knew you had it in you... It's kinda like being in two places at once (sorta like Ray?)

Markangel
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Jan 6, 2008 10:12 AM CST ¿What have I become?
Aries01
Aries01Aries01Kent, England UK47 Threads 4 Polls 2,732 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing.. we NEED ur blatherings... I'm here down loading music on my computer so Im happily wandering around all the threads stickin my nose in....

hug
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Jan 6, 2008 10:17 AM CST ¿What have I become?
motodad116
motodad116motodad116Meridian, Idaho USA3 Threads 114 Posts
Follow ur instincts - not fear!grin
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Jan 6, 2008 10:40 AM CST ¿What have I become?
KingLeo
KingLeoKingLeoFrederickson, Washington USA26 Threads 472 Posts
Wow
I didn't think this thread was going to get the attention it did and this late.

Thank you everyone for the insight.
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