I think I screwd up ( Archived) (54)

Mar 21, 2008 6:56 AM CST I think I screwd up
bamabulldog08
bamabulldog08bamabulldog08tuscaloosa, Alabama USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,708 Posts
and lost a dear friend. This lady used to work for me and we remaind friens after she left the company. For the last six months or so she's been insinuating that I have a thing for her in a jokeing manner. But she's been doing it everyday and its started getting on my nerves. So she came over for supper last nite and after we were watching a movie when she implied that I wanted her.

I don't know why but I snaped. I told her "look I'm just not into you, your not my type and never will be. So get that strait!

She abruptly left and now won't take my calls.

advice please.doh
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Mar 21, 2008 7:05 AM CST I think I screwd up
sxc666
sxc666sxc666unknown, Queensland Australia77 Threads 1 Polls 26,535 Posts
Give her a bit of time to chill. You probably took a chunk out of her ego.

Give it a while and try to call again. Let her know you would just like to be a friend and you're sorry you snapped, you should have said it in a different way.


However at the end of the day she must respect that you're not interested in her that way.

JMO

Good Luck.cheers
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Mar 21, 2008 7:06 AM CST I think I screwd up
PILIPALA
PILIPALAPILIPALACardiff, South Glamorgan, Wales UK220 Threads 5,917 Posts
Sounds like she was wanting to hear different and you hurt her feelings.


Send her a note saying something like. I am sorry i snapped at you i had a long day and you joking that i fancied you made me feel uncomfortable. As we are good friends, and i didn't like you seeming to think that way, as nothing could be further from the truth. I am sorry for my rudeness and any hurt if any i have cause,as i value your friendship


Sounds like hurt feeling
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Mar 21, 2008 7:10 AM CST I think I screwd up
bamabulldog08
bamabulldog08bamabulldog08tuscaloosa, Alabama USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,708 Posts
PILIPALA: Sounds like she was wanting to hear different and you hurt her feelings. Send her a note saying something like. I am sorry i snapped at you i had a long day and you joking that i fancied you made me feel uncomfortable. As we are good friends, and i didn't like you seeming to think that way, as nothing could be further from the truth. I am sorry for my rudeness and any hurt if any i have cause,as i value your friendshipSounds like hurt feeling


She is my best friend and I feel like a total arse over this. I do hope things will smooth out and your advice is sound. thanks
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Mar 21, 2008 7:19 AM CST I think I screwd up
RillyNiceGuy
RillyNiceGuyRillyNiceGuySoutheast, Arkansas USA1,208 Threads 1 Polls 18,982 Posts
bamabulldog08: and lost a dear friend. This lady used to work for me and we remaind friens after she left the company. For the last six months or so she's been insinuating that I have a thing for her in a jokeing manner. But she's been doing it everyday and its started getting on my nerves. So she came over for supper last nite and after we were watching a movie when she implied that I wanted her.

I don't know why but I snaped. I told her "look I'm just not into you, your not my type and never will be. So get that strait!

She abruptly left and now won't take my calls.

advice please.


Give it some time and maybe she will talk to you. Then talk it out. Take the postion of being the one who did wrong and over reacted to something that may not have been the case. There is an old saying that:
"A man would rather have the fruit off the tree that he must reach for that the fruit that has fallin at his feet."

Sometimes jokes have a sting even though they are jokes.

There is also a bit of confusion when joking may have a bit of truth to it. When a person crowds another, it is natural to back away. With repeated backing away from the crowding, a person never has a chance to decide if they truly want to back away at all. Perhaps she will understand this. Maybe she will understand and things will be corrected.
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Mar 21, 2008 7:20 AM CST I think I screwd up
vonney
vonneyvonneyDublin, Ireland32 Threads 9,365 Posts
Hurt pride take time to get over and she is probably embarressed now that the fact she likes you in that way is out in the open, just keep the lines of communication open.
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Mar 21, 2008 9:47 PM CST I think I screwd up
bamabulldog08
bamabulldog08bamabulldog08tuscaloosa, Alabama USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,708 Posts
Thanks all but I fear its all a wash. I spoke with her today and things are very strained. She wants to say something and won't. And she couldn't seam to look me in the eyes at all. I am at a loss as to what to do.
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Mar 21, 2008 9:47 PM CST I think I screwd up
bamabulldog08
bamabulldog08bamabulldog08tuscaloosa, Alabama USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,708 Posts
Thanks all but I fear its all a wash. I spoke with her today and things are very strained. She wants to say something and won't. And she couldn't seam to look me in the eyes at all. I am at a loss as to what to do.
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Mar 21, 2008 9:49 PM CST I think I screwd up
KrazieStill
KrazieStillKrazieStillChardon, Ohio USA18 Threads 5,214 Posts
bamabulldog08: Thanks all but I fear its all a wash. I spoke with her today and things are very strained. She wants to say something and won't. And she couldn't seam to look me in the eyes at all. I am at a loss as to what to do.


Just give it some time. She is really hurt right now. JMO.
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Mar 21, 2008 9:51 PM CST I think I screwd up
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,884 Posts
bamabulldog08: Thanks all but I fear its all a wash. I spoke with her today and things are very strained. She wants to say something and won't. And she couldn't seam to look me in the eyes at all. I am at a loss as to what to do.


Obviously she has more feelings for you than friendship and was hoping you felt the same...That's probably what she can't say knowing you don't feel the same....Things may not be able to get back to the same now that she has more feelings for you then you have for her...If not...I'm sure that's the reason...BUT you were right to be up front about it no matter how it came out...It's better than letting her think you feel the same!!!!!!!!!!!

Give her some time...I'm sure she is feeling rejected right now....BUT you can't give her what you don't feel!!!!!!!!!





wine
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Mar 21, 2008 9:54 PM CST I think I screwd up
sxc666
sxc666sxc666unknown, Queensland Australia77 Threads 1 Polls 26,535 Posts
KrazieStill: Just give it some time. She is really hurt right now. JMO.
thumbs up
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Mar 21, 2008 9:54 PM CST I think I screwd up
sxc666
sxc666sxc666unknown, Queensland Australia77 Threads 1 Polls 26,535 Posts
Hugz_n_Kissez: Obviously she has more feelings for you than friendship and was hoping you felt the same...That's probably what she can't say knowing you don't feel the same....Things may not be able to get back to the same now that she has more feelings for you then you have for her...If not...I'm sure that's the reason...BUT you were right to be up front about it no matter how it came out...It's better than letting her think you feel the same!!!!!!!!!!!

Give her some time...I'm sure she is feeling rejected right now....BUT you can't give her what you don't feel!!!!!!!!!
thumbs up wine
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Mar 21, 2008 9:55 PM CST I think I screwd up
If you are best freinds,then this too shall pass.Pride can't take a hard punch.Give it time.Send a car saying I'm sorry,don't want to loose you as my close freind.
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Mar 21, 2008 10:09 PM CST I think I screwd up
drivenbysound
drivenbysounddrivenbysoundSoutheast, Missouri USA15 Threads 4,451 Posts
It's just my opinion, but it sounds to me like you lead her on a bit by allowing her to joke about it for so long.

This was maybe also compounded by having her over for dinner and a movie.

Again, just my opinion, but perhaps you should shoulder some of the blame for the whole thing turning out this way.

dunno
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Mar 21, 2008 10:19 PM CST I think I screwd up
bamabulldog08
bamabulldog08bamabulldog08tuscaloosa, Alabama USA31 Threads 1 Polls 1,708 Posts
drivenbysound: It's just my opinion, but it sounds to me like you lead her on a bit by allowing her to joke about it for so long.

This was maybe also compounded by having her over for dinner and a movie.

Again, just my opinion, but perhaps you should shoulder some of the blame for the whole thing turning out this way.


For 5 years she eaten at my house 5-7 times per month. She has been friends with 3 of my GF's. So haveing her over for d&m was nothing other than ordinary.
I hadn't called her on the comments because I feared things would get weird. But now I see that as a mistake.

You may be right, who knows.
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Mar 21, 2008 11:53 PM CST I think I screwd up
lover65
lover65lover65Vero Beach, Florida USA15 Threads 1 Polls 193 Posts
Bummer......Don't you think that you could have said it a little better than that. Sometimes it's not what you say, it's how you say it. scold
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Mar 22, 2008 12:08 AM CST I think I screwd up
rasgumby
rasgumbyrasgumbyMoberly, Missouri USA133 Threads 13 Polls 6,929 Posts
bamabulldog08: Thanks all but I fear its all a wash. I spoke with her today and things are very strained. She wants to say something and won't. And she couldn't seam to look me in the eyes at all. I am at a loss as to what to do.


I have to ask,
Have you ever had relations with her?

But if a best friend as you say.. I can't imagine loosing it like that with her. you could have just sat her down and explain exactly how you see her, and that you would appreciate it if she could just keep it as friends.

but I think you have deeply hurt her, she was clearly hoping for more and you blew her away.

Would be a great time to send her some flowers with a card telling everything about how you see the relationship. and In writing, it gives you the time and space to articulate what you say and how you say it,

write out how you feel on a seperate piece of paper first,, final draft in the card.

Just make it clear that you value her as a friend.

comfort
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Mar 22, 2008 12:14 AM CST I think I screwd up
prncss4someone
prncss4someoneprncss4someoneHopeful, Michigan USA66 Threads 9 Polls 9,745 Posts
rasgumby: I have to ask,
Have you ever had relations with her?

But if a best friend as you say.. I can't imagine loosing it like that with her. you could have just sat her down and explain exactly how you see her, and that you would appreciate it if she could just keep it as friends.

but I think you have deeply hurt her, she was clearly hoping for more and you blew her away.

Would be a great time to send her some flowers with a card telling everything about how you see the relationship. and In writing, it gives you the time and space to articulate what you say and how you say it,

write out how you feel on a seperate piece of paper first,, final draft in the card.

Just make it clear that you value her as a friend.




scold scold scold that's all she needs is to cry over the note--over and over again...bad idea---that will be evidence to last a lifetime. The spoken word is best in this situation-send her flowers, then meet her for lunch and tell her the way you feel, and that you didn't ever want to hurt her....

Men anywaydoh roll eyes


jmo
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Mar 22, 2008 12:19 AM CST I think I screwd up
drivenbysound
drivenbysounddrivenbysoundSoutheast, Missouri USA15 Threads 4,451 Posts
prncss4someone: that's all she needs is to cry over the note--over and over again...bad idea---that will be evidence to last a lifetime. The spoken word is best in this situation-send her flowers, then meet her for lunch and tell her the way you feel, and that you didn't ever want to hurt her....

Men anyway jmo


Yeah, we suck, don't we?

head banger
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Mar 22, 2008 12:26 AM CST I think I screwd up
rasgumby
rasgumbyrasgumbyMoberly, Missouri USA133 Threads 13 Polls 6,929 Posts
prncss4someone: that's all she needs is to cry over the note--over and over again...bad idea---that will be evidence to last a lifetime. The spoken word is best in this situation-send her flowers, then meet her for lunch and tell her the way you feel, and that you didn't ever want to hurt her....

Men anyway jmo


I was thinking that just flowers would confuse her more and maybe get her hopes up again.
Just think the card would clear it up quickly without giving her time to get too excited. then meet her in person.
If worded right... it would give per peace of mind more quickly rather than crushing her a second time by letting her get her hopes up again?

Lets hear some other womens views on this one!!!
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