Toasters ( Archived) (1)

Apr 14, 2008 5:07 PM CST Toasters
Guitarstrings
GuitarstringsGuitarstringsWinnipeg, Manitoba Canada42 Threads 73 Posts
Toasters

If IBM made toasters ... They would want one big toaster where
people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting.

IBM
would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.


If Microsoft made toasters ... Every time you bought a loaf of
bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to
take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway.
Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a
reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a
small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would
claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or
dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate
your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would
hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since
most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If Apple made toasters ... It would do everything the Microsoft
toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Xerox made toasters ... You could toast one-sided or
double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
The toaster would jam your bread for you.

If Radio Shack made toasters ... The staff would sell you a
toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all
the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters ... They'd claim their toaster was
compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got
it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in
development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and
that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters ... The toast would burn often, but you
could get a really good cuppa Java.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ... They would market the
Reverse Polish Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you
regular bread.

If The Rand Corporation made toasters ... It would be a large,
perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there
would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department
would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the
box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files
would have an episode about it.

If Sony made toasters ... The ToastMan, which would be barely
larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can
be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Fisher Price made toasters ... "Baby's First Toaster" would
have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up
like a Jack-in-the-box.

If the Franklin Mint made toasters ... Every month, you would
receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic
hand-crafted Civil War pewter toaster.
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by Guitarstrings (42 Threads)
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