Living together before marraige (21)
old habits are indeed hard to break. That is why I want a LTR but not a live in partner or wife. I like to do things my way in MY home. Sharon and I started having problems when she would refer to my home as our place. I have been married my entire adult life and now I am not willing to give up my independence for anyone
So...I will never live with or marry ....anyone!!
So...I will never live with or marry ....anyone!!
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I am all for it. A couple should live together to see if they are really compatible.
Here in Sweden, I'd say about 40 percent of the population gets married, so most couple move in together...and most never marry, even the ones with kids.
Personally, I don't believe in marriage. That is just me. I am not saying anyone should not marry, just I don't care for that institution.
However, I can see myself getting married one day if I am that deep in love and if it really means a lot to my partner. But a key must, is living together to take the real test.
Here in Sweden, I'd say about 40 percent of the population gets married, so most couple move in together...and most never marry, even the ones with kids.
Personally, I don't believe in marriage. That is just me. I am not saying anyone should not marry, just I don't care for that institution.
However, I can see myself getting married one day if I am that deep in love and if it really means a lot to my partner. But a key must, is living together to take the real test.
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StressFree: I am all for it. A couple should live together to see if they are really compatible.
Here in Sweden, I'd say about 40 percent of the population gets married, so most couple move in together...and most never marry, even the ones with kids.
Personally, I don't believe in marriage. That is just me. I am not saying anyone should not marry,
However, I can see myself getting married one day if I am that deep in love and if it really means a lot to my partner. But a key must, is living together to take the real test.
Here in Sweden, I'd say about 40 percent of the population gets married, so most couple move in together...and most never marry, even the ones with kids.
Personally, I don't believe in marriage. That is just me. I am not saying anyone should not marry,
However, I can see myself getting married one day if I am that deep in love and if it really means a lot to my partner. But a key must, is living together to take the real test.
just I don't care for that institution.
good desciption for marriage...like a prison or mental hospital
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Hmmm... I'm not sure I could live with anyone again.. I am farrr to independent. 
I'd kind of like too tho... (i think) .. I'm just not sure how it would be... strange.. but perhaps only at first..
I dunno.
But I would MOST definitely want to live with someone before I thought about marrying them... most most MOST definitely.
I would have to be 150% certain about them AND me.. before I would ever marry someone again.
Marriage IS a BIG commitment imo.. and not something I would ever take lightly.
I'd kind of like too tho... (i think) .. I'm just not sure how it would be... strange.. but perhaps only at first..
I dunno. But I would MOST definitely want to live with someone before I thought about marrying them... most most MOST definitely.
I would have to be 150% certain about them AND me.. before I would ever marry someone again.
Marriage IS a BIG commitment imo.. and not something I would ever take lightly.
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Been there, got the T-shirt, seen the video and got the book, what the hell is going on !!!! was married the first time and had 3 kids, when it came to 2nd time around he wanted 1 thing I wanted another, after 2 kids and alot of heartbreak we spilt. not that we didn't want to get married in total we were engaged for over 11 years. I will still today live with someone rather than get married
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I probably wouldn't even consider marriage without having lived together, first. Dating and being engaged while living apart is one thing, but being able to determine if we can actually 'live together', is a whole other matter...
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who said anything about marriage?
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Scottishlass: But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.
This has to have been written by somebody who has never tried it and is grossly offensive to anybody who ever has - this is saying that married love is somehow 'more' than unmarried love.........
yep, theres a lot to be said for being wary of unscrupulous folks in the living together situation but what of the married situation too? Its all very idyllic in the first throes of love, just the same way it is with cohabitees and dont forget, divorce is at an all time high.
Theres no way on this earth that5 I would marry somebody without doing a test run first - would you buy a box of eggs before checking if any were broken first?
I do believe that whoever wrote the above article had read this first;
President George W. Bush planned to stress the need to strengthen families and assert that "poverty has more to do with troubled lives than a troubled economy," according to an aide. Bush believes funding religious initiatives is one way Washington can foster family stability. Policies to encourage marriage are either in place or under discussion around the country.
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I've lived with men before marriage.
And I always married the guy I lived with...
But as hard as I tried, in the end, marriage was no quarantee.
Sometimes relationships don't work out over time and one or both people may want to end a relationship.
And I always married the guy I lived with...
But as hard as I tried, in the end, marriage was no quarantee.
Sometimes relationships don't work out over time and one or both people may want to end a relationship.
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WOW, Lass. I'm going to answer this before I read any other replies. I've lived with 2 men, one of them I married, one I got pregnant and left by. Obviously, neither of those relationships worked out.
I've known the statistics, but still thought I would be willing to live together, however, you make an excellent point. If I get that far in a relationship again, it's because I think it can stand the test of time and last a lifetime.
The mindset is an excellent point. I don't think in either of those relationships, we ever - even with my husband- had a mindset that said this is for life. I can't walk away from this.
I suppose I'll just say here that you've given me something to think about.
Thank you, Lass. Excellent thread topic.
I've known the statistics, but still thought I would be willing to live together, however, you make an excellent point. If I get that far in a relationship again, it's because I think it can stand the test of time and last a lifetime.
The mindset is an excellent point. I don't think in either of those relationships, we ever - even with my husband- had a mindset that said this is for life. I can't walk away from this.
I suppose I'll just say here that you've given me something to think about.
Thank you, Lass. Excellent thread topic.
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Don't believe a simple answer exists to this.
I lived with my ex before getting married, and still went seperate ways. So it's certainly not a garantee......
Don't have any kids of my own, but am quite close to my nieces and nephews...particularly two of them, now 18 and 19 respectively.
I wouldl prefer them to live and experience somebody before they settle in for marriage. Thier parents (my brother) totally disagrees with me on this.
If I had to start all over again, I wold certainly live with somebody, don't really believe in the status of marraige anymore. Bottom line is it's just another contract. And any contract, when dissolved, causes hassles.
But then it's just an opinion....
I lived with my ex before getting married, and still went seperate ways. So it's certainly not a garantee......
Don't have any kids of my own, but am quite close to my nieces and nephews...particularly two of them, now 18 and 19 respectively.
I wouldl prefer them to live and experience somebody before they settle in for marriage. Thier parents (my brother) totally disagrees with me on this.
If I had to start all over again, I wold certainly live with somebody, don't really believe in the status of marraige anymore. Bottom line is it's just another contract. And any contract, when dissolved, causes hassles.
But then it's just an opinion....
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I won't live with any guy before marriage.
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to be honest- i find the whole idea of living with one person- each couple in their own little box- unnatural. i prefer the idea of continuous dating- living separately, though plenty of 'sleepovers'
. I think it was dudley Moore- or someother celebrity that lived that kind of lifestyle- they were married but each maintained their own house and life, but were joined at the heart. i guess kids complicates the whole thing ( don't they always!!
)
. I think it was dudley Moore- or someother celebrity that lived that kind of lifestyle- they were married but each maintained their own house and life, but were joined at the heart. i guess kids complicates the whole thing ( don't they always!! )------ This thread is Archived ------
It is really hard I think for the single parents like myself to make that decision. On one hand, you want to live together to make sure you can live in a "everyday life style" and work together efficiently and get along and not get on each other's nerves etc.
However, it is also not good to have the kids get attached to someone for them then to turn around and disappear on the kids. The kids can then grow up with attachment, abandonment and other emotional issues.
I would say that if neither has kids and is careful on not getting pregnant too soon, then go for it. No harm right? But if there are kids involved, wait longer before living together if you feel you must.
However, it is also not good to have the kids get attached to someone for them then to turn around and disappear on the kids. The kids can then grow up with attachment, abandonment and other emotional issues.
I would say that if neither has kids and is careful on not getting pregnant too soon, then go for it. No harm right? But if there are kids involved, wait longer before living together if you feel you must.
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that is the reazon i dont belive in lifing toghether out of the marriage
i am going for the greatest commitment
i am going for the greatest commitment
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StressFree: Here in Sweden, I'd say about 40 percent of the population gets married, so most couple move in together...and most never marry, even the ones with kids.
Maybe it should be added that the legal system in Sweden has been made up in such a way that living "sambo" has got a close to equal status of being married.
Marriage is an optional extra that you may have or not have. It is now fully connected to your family traditions and/or religious beliefs. It has less to do with law and legal status.
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Scottishlass: Contrary to popular belief, divorce rates are higher among couples when they have lived together BEFORE getting married, most have said, "Well, if you live together".... Apparently this has been proven wrong...here's an article about what is said:
To understand why this is the case, I suggest that you consider why couples who live together don't marry. Ask yourself that very question. Why did you choose to live with your boyfriend/girlfriend instead of marrying him/her?
The answer is that you were not ready to make that commitment to him/her yet. First, you wanted to see if you still loved him/her after you cooked meals together, cleaned the apartment together and slept together. In other words, you wanted to see what married life would be like without the commitment of marriage.
But what you don't seem to realize is that you will never know what married life is like unless you're married. The commitment of marriage adds a dimension to your relationship that puts everything on its ear. Right now, you are testing each other to see if you are compatible. If either of you slips up, the test is over, and you are out the door. Marriage doesn't work that way. Slip-ups don't end the marriage, they just end the love you have for each other.
What, exactly, is the commitment of marriage? It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life's ups and downs. You will stick it out together through thick and thin. But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.
Habits are hard to break, and couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.
Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.
The Policy of Joint Agreement, for example, doesn't make much sense for a couple living together prior to marriage. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your friend," it is thought, would not be a fair test of your compatibility. A better test would be for each of you to do whatever you please, and then see if you still get along.
But a newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other, because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. So the Policy of Joint Agreement makes all the sense in the world to a couple who has set out to live their lives together.
There is more, but you get the jist, I personally wouldn't live with anyone before marriage.
I guess its some sort of "Mind frame" you get yourself into when you live together a couple of years, THEN get married you're somehow still in that "living together" mindset.
As for people who get married right off the bat, they haven't experienced living together to have that mindset.
Your thoughts/feelings on this subject welcomed.
We have a saying here thats sums it up pretty good lass,WHY BUY THE COW IF U CAN GET THE MILK FOR FREETo understand why this is the case, I suggest that you consider why couples who live together don't marry. Ask yourself that very question. Why did you choose to live with your boyfriend/girlfriend instead of marrying him/her?
The answer is that you were not ready to make that commitment to him/her yet. First, you wanted to see if you still loved him/her after you cooked meals together, cleaned the apartment together and slept together. In other words, you wanted to see what married life would be like without the commitment of marriage.
But what you don't seem to realize is that you will never know what married life is like unless you're married. The commitment of marriage adds a dimension to your relationship that puts everything on its ear. Right now, you are testing each other to see if you are compatible. If either of you slips up, the test is over, and you are out the door. Marriage doesn't work that way. Slip-ups don't end the marriage, they just end the love you have for each other.
What, exactly, is the commitment of marriage? It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life's ups and downs. You will stick it out together through thick and thin. But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.
Habits are hard to break, and couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.
Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.
The Policy of Joint Agreement, for example, doesn't make much sense for a couple living together prior to marriage. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your friend," it is thought, would not be a fair test of your compatibility. A better test would be for each of you to do whatever you please, and then see if you still get along.
But a newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other, because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. So the Policy of Joint Agreement makes all the sense in the world to a couple who has set out to live their lives together.
There is more, but you get the jist, I personally wouldn't live with anyone before marriage.
I guess its some sort of "Mind frame" you get yourself into when you live together a couple of years, THEN get married you're somehow still in that "living together" mindset.
As for people who get married right off the bat, they haven't experienced living together to have that mindset.
Your thoughts/feelings on this subject welcomed.
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jampet: to be honest- i find the whole idea of living with one person- each couple in their own little box- unnatural. i prefer the idea of continuous dating- living separately, though plenty of 'sleepovers' . I think it was dudley Moore- or someother celebrity that lived that kind of lifestyle- they were married but each maintained their own house and life, but were joined at the heart. i guess kids complicates the whole thing ( don't they always!! )
That was Woody Allen and look where that got him
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To understand why this is the case, I suggest that you consider why couples who live together don't marry. Ask yourself that very question. Why did you choose to live with your boyfriend/girlfriend instead of marrying him/her?
The answer is that you were not ready to make that commitment to him/her yet. First, you wanted to see if you still loved him/her after you cooked meals together, cleaned the apartment together and slept together. In other words, you wanted to see what married life would be like without the commitment of marriage.
But what you don't seem to realize is that you will never know what married life is like unless you're married. The commitment of marriage adds a dimension to your relationship that puts everything on its ear. Right now, you are testing each other to see if you are compatible. If either of you slips up, the test is over, and you are out the door. Marriage doesn't work that way. Slip-ups don't end the marriage, they just end the love you have for each other.
What, exactly, is the commitment of marriage? It is an agreement that you will take care of each other for life, regardless of life's ups and downs. You will stick it out together through thick and thin. But the commitment of living together isn't like that at all. It is simply a month-to-month rental agreement. As long as you behave yourself and keep me happy, I'll stick around.
Habits are hard to break, and couples that live together before marriage get into the habit of following their month-to-month rental agreement. In fact, they often decide to marry, not because they are willing to make a lifetime commitment to each other, but because the arrangement has worked out so well that they can't imagine breaking their lease, so to speak. They say the words of the marital agreement, but they still have the terms of their rental agreement in mind.
Couples who have not lived together before marriage, on the other hand, have not lived under the terms of the month-to-month rental agreement. They begin their relationship assuming that they are in this thing for life, and all their habits usually reflect that commitment.
The Policy of Joint Agreement, for example, doesn't make much sense for a couple living together prior to marriage. "Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement between you and your friend," it is thought, would not be a fair test of your compatibility. A better test would be for each of you to do whatever you please, and then see if you still get along.
But a newly married couple makes a deliberate effort to accommodate each other, because they know their relationship will be for life. They want to build compatibility, not test it. So the Policy of Joint Agreement makes all the sense in the world to a couple who has set out to live their lives together.
There is more, but you get the jist, I personally wouldn't live with anyone before marriage.
I guess its some sort of "Mind frame" you get yourself into when you live together a couple of years, THEN get married you're somehow still in that "living together" mindset.
As for people who get married right off the bat, they haven't experienced living together to have that mindset.
Your thoughts/feelings on this subject welcomed.