Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you? (18)

Jul 21, 2008 2:40 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
Just asking for a bit of feedback, from cross sections - "if" a mom, who has been dedicated for her children's lifetimes, decided to say, pick up her life and regroup, live for herself for a change, sending them to live with dad fulltime: would that make her a neglectful or "bad" mom? This is purely hypothetical
Jul 21, 2008 7:23 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
shyatfirst
shyatfirstshyatfirstcobourg, Ontario Canada22 Threads 1,462 Posts
eyesthatknowwhy: Just asking for a bit of feedback, from cross sections - "if" a mom, who has been dedicated for her children's lifetimes, decided to say, pick up her life and regroup, live for herself for a change, sending them to live with dad fulltime: would that make her a neglectful or "bad" mom? This is purely hypothetical


My two oldest children live with their dad. That was the hardest decision I ever had to make. Also because they are about an hour and a half away. The decision wasn't made for myself but more for their safety and it was suppose to be temporarely. That was almost 2 years ago and they want to stay there because of the friends they have made and they feel safe there. I still feel "funny" telling people I have one child at home fulltime and the other ones in the weekend.

I'm just telling you this story because I have the feeling that people think what they wanna think or wanna believe. And really does it matter what the outside world thinks of our decisions?????

This mother you are talking about should decide whatever feels right in her gut. Whatever the reason is........

hug
Jul 22, 2008 7:53 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
Katine76again
Katine76againKatine76againMoncton, New Brunswick Canada1 Threads 115 Posts
As long as you do not completly negelect your children and where they go is a harmless and loving place where they will be well taken care of and happy and loved then I don't see a problem with it. If you feel you need to regroup at least you know yourself well enough and are thinking about what is in the best interest of the child/ren. Some children unfortunatly are not that lucky.

I have to say though, myself personaly. As much as my children drive me insane sometimes lol, I don't know if I ever could give them up. Not judging anyone who would. Just saying myself personaly I couldn't do it. I would miss them too much I guess lol

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do and at least you are thinking of your children's well being and want to help yourself as well. At least you are acknowledging it and not denying it.

cheers
Jul 22, 2008 12:34 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
Katine76again: As long as you do not completly negelect your children and where they go is a harmless and loving place where they will be well taken care of and happy and loved then I don't see a problem with it. If you feel you need to regroup at least you know yourself well enough and are thinking about what is in the best interest of the child/ren. Some children unfortunatly are not that lucky.

I have to say though, myself personaly. As much as my children drive me insane sometimes lol, I don't know if I ever could give them up. Not judging anyone who would. Just saying myself personaly I couldn't do it. I would miss them too much I guess lol

Sometimes you have to do what you have to do and at least you are thinking of your children's well being and want to help yourself as well. At least you are acknowledging it and not denying it.


I think that there is a bit of misunderstanding; this post was purely a result of conversation some of us girls has on the weekend - not about anyone in particular, really. Just throwing it out there.

My youngest is 13, so I don't look at it as I would if he was 5, like a friend does. There are so many different variables. I believe tha tone should take a hard look at their logic as well (as KDH sugested). Anyways, it is good to hear the opinions of many. Funny how no men seem to have an opinion on this onegrin
Jul 23, 2008 6:15 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
boredguy
boredguyboredguydublin, Kildare Ireland33 Threads 1 Polls 1,788 Posts
heavy question ,,, an you say no men answer ..

BAD MOM .... Jmo yes ... your never turn your back on your children ,maybe its a cultural thing an it okay in some counties .. i don't know .. but for me ,whether male or female your love for your children is unconditional ,, after all we brought them in the world an should be there of them regardless of our circumstance's in life ,, i would go as far as to say even beyond childhood an well till there married them self, an well capable of looking out for themselves,, as I'll never stop being a dad or a mom..


Just so you guys know my kids have live with me as you say a full time dad..jmocomfort teddybear
Jul 23, 2008 7:40 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
boredguy: heavy question ,,, an you say no men answer ..

BAD MOM .... Jmo yes ... your never turn your back on your children ,maybe its a cultural thing an it okay in some counties .. i don't know .. but for me ,whether male or female your love for your children is unconditional ,, after all we brought them in the world an should be there of them regardless of our circumstance's in life ,, i would go as far as to say even beyond childhood an well till there married them self, an well capable of looking out for themselves,, as I'll never stop being a dad or a mom..Just so you guys know my kids have live with me as you say a full time dad..jmo


I'm not really sure she is referring to a Mother turning her back on the children but is the mother a bad mother if the children live with the father.

Conas atá tú?
Jul 23, 2008 10:12 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
KHD100: I'm not really sure she is referring to a Mother turning her back on the children but is the mother a bad mother if the children live with the father.

Conas atá tú?


Absolutely, just because a mother decides that her kids will not be living with her, especially older children, does not mean she is turning her back on them, will not be there for them. In fact, with technology as it is today, parents (regardless of gender), can be in touch with their children everyday. grin
Jul 23, 2008 11:05 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
KHD100
KHD100KHD100Edmonton, Alberta Canada129 Threads 3 Polls 2,495 Posts
eyesthatknowwhy: Absolutely, just because a mother decides that her kids will not be living with her, especially older children, does not mean she is turning her back on them, will not be there for them. In fact, with technology as it is today, parents (regardless of gender), can be in touch with their children everyday.


applause
Jul 23, 2008 11:30 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
banana AND... Maybe there are mothers out there that love their kids so much and are confident and secure in that love and their kids know how much they are loved that they can be okay without her everyday. Maybe it isn't about loving or not loving enough...perhaps it is about (for some moms) realizing that forcing your kids to be where they don't want to be is only making things worse..for everyone - sometimes being the best parent and doing what is in the best interest of the kid won't work because the other parent continues to undermine and sabotage? But it has nothing to do with not loving...frustrated
Jul 24, 2008 12:00 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
eyesthatknowwhy:
AND... Maybe there are mothers out there that love their kids so much and are confident and secure in that love and their kids know how much they are loved that they can be okay without her everyday. Maybe it isn't about loving or not loving enough...perhaps it is about (for some moms) realizing that forcing your kids to be where they don't want to be is only making things worse..for everyone - sometimes being the best parent and doing what is in the best interest of the kid won't work because the other parent continues to undermine and sabotage? But it has nothing to do with not loving...



That's a tough spot to be in. I know from personal experience.comfort
Jul 24, 2008 12:31 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
grin No matter what, it will be what will be...Anyways, thanks for the raging brutal thunder storms last night!!!! Unflipping real... No sleep and I think there are more coming in tonight. Yet around Brandon, Manitoba I guess they are needing rain.

So have you been staying out of trouble kid?

Oh, and not having kids is not really a bad thing you know, I think I am finally at the age that my parents can tolerate me (barely)lol. Parenting is really the hardest and most judged job in the world...and believe me, I often hit my head against the wall and say "what was I thinking?" (actually say that about most things I do). innocent
Jul 26, 2008 3:57 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
relaxin
relaxinrelaxinsomewhere, Queensland Australia33 Threads 3 Polls 1,371 Posts
eyesthatknowwhy:
AND... Maybe there are mothers out there that love their kids so much and are confident and secure in that love and their kids know how much they are loved that they can be okay without her everyday. Maybe it isn't about loving or not loving enough...perhaps it is about (for some moms) realizing that forcing your kids to be where they don't want to be is only making things worse..for everyone - sometimes being the best parent and doing what is in the best interest of the kid won't work because the other parent continues to undermine and sabotage? But it has nothing to do with not loving...


through personal experience there are circumstances that do make you question if that would be the in best interest of the kids. some ex's just dont leave anything run smoothly. i dont think that is bad parenting. jmo
Jul 26, 2008 9:52 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
ironman
ironmanironmanhamilton, Ontario Canada1 Threads 13 Posts
I think children have to strike out on their own. Therefore when placed in a different living environment they will become adaptable, flexible, knowledgable and respectful. Education is an ongoing process. You have to enjoy yourself as well and since your husband helped create these children then it is only reasonable that he helps to look after them. heart wings
Jul 26, 2008 2:20 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy
eyesthatknowwhyeyesthatknowwhyWhitehorse, Yukon Territory Canada88 Threads 1,405 Posts
ironman: I think children have to strike out on their own. Therefore when placed in a different living environment they will become adaptable, flexible, knowledgable and respectful. Education is an ongoing process. You have to enjoy yourself as well and since your husband helped create these children then it is only reasonable that he helps to look after them.


Problem is that many of us single moms are finding that there are dads that aren't doing what is in the best interest of the kids, but rather what is in their own best interest...It also comes down to the fact that as they get older, many kids learn how to manipulate the situation to get what ever they damn well want...and parents that can't communicate in a healthy way...not then/not now/don't want to. There are parents that will let the kid do whatever they want because it is easier to be a friend than an authority figure. Anyway, thank you for posting your opinion . . time will tellangel
Jul 26, 2008 4:07 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada30 Threads 16,544 Posts
eyesthatknowwhy: No matter what, it will be what will be...Anyways, thanks for the raging brutal thunder storms last night!!!! Unflipping real... No sleep and I think there are more coming in tonight. Yet around Brandon, Manitoba I guess they are needing rain.

So have you been staying out of trouble kid?

Oh, and not having kids is not really a bad thing you know, I think I am finally at the age that my parents can tolerate me (barely)lol. Parenting is really the hardest and most judged job in the world...and believe me, I often hit my head against the wall and say "what was I thinking?" (actually say that about most things I do).



Oh, of course!angel laugh

I don't think having kids is a bad thing either.wink
Jul 26, 2008 7:00 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
maryrachelle
maryrachellemaryrachelleBathurst, New Brunswick Canada27 Threads 1,370 Posts
No it doesn't make you a bad mom, but I am sure many people will tell you that it does. Does it make a dad a bad dad if he decides to let the kids live with mom? No of course not. Children should live with however would be best for them.
Aug 6, 2008 6:38 AM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
walley
walleywalleygolden, British Columbia Canada1 Threads 144 Posts
well ive bean hear for a week this is my ferst post hear if you have probloms reading this my apoligys as im deslexic from a beating i toolk from my father at 6 months old

this sorta tiys in too this thred my mother adopted me and my sivlings out as my father thretind to kill us and my mom went to creace clinick knowing that she may never see us a gaine my father was peranoyde skitsophranick and very vilent

ther are reasons that a perint may give up ther children mentl illness finace

the out coume is depending on the age of the chiled it cold be very damiging emoshenly and mently to the child for a life long battel on mentl helth of the child

im a singl father of a 10 yer old boy i seperated 5 yers back

againe thear are reasons y perints or mothers and fathers walk a way

i will never walk a way from my sun ever

i hope this helps a gaine im deslexic my apoligys for my spelling comfort
Aug 6, 2008 9:35 PM CST Does it mean you are a "bad" mom if you decide to not have your kids live with you?
eyesthatknowwhy: Just asking for a bit of feedback, from cross sections - "if" a mom, who has been dedicated for her children's lifetimes, decided to say, pick up her life and regroup, live for herself for a change, sending them to live with dad fulltime: would that make her a neglectful or "bad" mom? This is purely hypothetical



Not at all. However it depends on what her kids think. One of them may hold a grudge against mom, while the others might just be glad mom left.
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