too funny ( Archived) (17)

Bird Viagra

A parrot swallows a Viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off.

Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating.

"How come you are sweating?" he asks.
The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?"

i,m sorry guys,i need laughter today!!

Don't be sorry , that was funny !!

CAKE OR BED

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A
FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS...

"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE
GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."


THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?
I DON'T THINK SO."

SHE THEN SAYS ,"THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T
WANT TO FIX STEPS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A
COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES
THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE
HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY", HE ASKS, "HOW DID ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT
OUTSIDE AND CRIED. THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."

HE ASKED,"SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

AND SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO... DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"
I DON'T THINK SO!

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no answer. "Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO! IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice echo from far, far away... "We're down here!"

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his clothes
and started to wander around the area.
A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, Did you call for me?'
The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.' Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel, eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.
'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.
'No, w hat do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
smiling, naked receptionist,
'May I help you?' she asked.
'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the
$500 membership fee.'
'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't
had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a week, but I
fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!'

A young man had met a nice young woman. They both liked each other and thought the time was right.

Both of them got naked and the man lay on top of her. Before pushing his d*ck in he waited. Meanwhile his d*ck was having a conversation with his balls.

D*ck: OK lads we are going to a party tonight.
1st Ball: You mean you are.
D*ick: What do you mean, you’re invited too.
2nd Ball: Yeh, but you always leave us outside knocking.

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back at WalMart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!" Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I think I will switch back to paper."