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Standing up for yourself ( Archived) (53)

Aug 30, 2008 8:01 PM CST Standing up for yourself
NorseMedic
NorseMedicNorseMedicCollege Station, Texas USA15 Threads 2 Polls 285 Posts
I’ve been away for a while, but now I’m back and ready to rock you!

My question for you today is simply this: Do you demand what you deserve?

When was the last time you stood up for you and told a partner “I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways”.


I realized how I have felt like saying that a couple of times, but never did. And I think to myself why is that. Why do I make do with something ordinary when I deserve something extraordinary?

I tried it today. For a long time a mentor of mine has neglected his duties towards me. Promises where made that weren’t kept and I just crawled by the panels and hoped he would come around.
But after thinking about what I truly deserve I drove by his home and stood there right on his doorstep on his private property and told him that he could do better and he better do it, because I didn’t deserve the way he has been treating me and I won’t ignore it any longer. If he couldn’t give me what I asked for our ways had to part.
And he just stood there and listened and when I was done he nodded and said “Yes Valerie, you do deserve better and I can do better. I will have what you requested by Monday.”

I can’t begin to describe how good it felt. Not just that the things will get done, which is great. But the feeling of standing up for myself, drawing a line – for me! …it was really satisfying. It gave me a sense of self-esteem because I decided to respect myself enough to take action.


Sooner or later I will find someone and enter a relationship. When I do I will definitely not wait that long to show what I’m about and what I’m worth. It’s not that people shouldn’t know themselves, but sometimes they don’t realize that they are hurting. Sometimes they don’t realize the seriousness.

I, for one, will be more demanding in the future. I know what I want and I shouldn’t be afraid to voice it.

Are you good at standing up for yourself and voicing what you want?
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Aug 30, 2008 9:05 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Lorax68
Lorax68Lorax68monmouth, Oregon USA9 Threads 156 Posts
if you are happy, inside yourself, Demanding that someone else take responsiblity for this unhappyness, and then do something about it,
would never happen.

If you are unhappy, you should not take on new relationships until you are.

Really. Otherwise is to just waste time, and condoms.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:11 PM CST Standing up for yourself
NorseMedic
NorseMedicNorseMedicCollege Station, Texas USA15 Threads 2 Polls 285 Posts
Lorax68: if you are happy, inside yourself, Demanding that someone else take responsiblity for this unhappyness, and then do something about it,
would never happen.

If you are unhappy, you should not take on new relationships until you are.

Really. Otherwise is to just waste time, and condoms.


So if someone is doing something that is hurtful to you, it's because I'm unhappy?

What I'm saying is, people should take responsibility for their actions. If they don't you have to talk to them, especially if the actions are hurting you.

That has nothing to do with me being unhappy and not taken responsibility for it. I feel I DO take responsibility when I say "Okay, I'm unhappy - but why" and then try to fix the problem so I won't feel bad anymore.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:18 PM CST Standing up for yourself
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
NorseMedic: I’ve been away for a while, but now I’m back and ready to rock you!

My question for you today is simply this: Do you demand what you deserve?

When was the last time you stood up for you and told a partner “I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways”.I realized how I have felt like saying that a couple of times, but never did. And I think to myself why is that. Why do I make do with something ordinary when I deserve something extraordinary?

I tried it today. For a long time a mentor of mine has neglected his duties towards me. Promises where made that weren’t kept and I just crawled by the panels and hoped he would come around.
But after thinking about what I truly deserve I drove by his home and stood there right on his doorstep on his private property and told him that he could do better and he better do it, because I didn’t deserve the way he has been treating me and I won’t ignore it any longer. If he couldn’t give me what I asked for our ways had to part.
And he just stood there and listened and when I was done he nodded and said “Yes Valerie, you do deserve better and I can do better. I will have what you requested by Monday.”

I can’t begin to describe how good it felt. Not just that the things
will get done, which is great. But the feeling of standing up for myself, drawing a line – for me! …it was really satisfying. It gave me a sense of self-esteem because I decided to respect myself enough to take action.Sooner or later I will find someone and enter a relationship. When I do I will definitely not wait that long to show what I’m about and what I’m worth. It’s not that people shouldn’t know themselves, but sometimes they don’t realize that they are hurting. Sometimes they don’t realize the seriousness.

I, for one, will be more demanding in the future. I know what I want and I shouldn’t be afraid to voice it.

Are you good at standing up for yourself and voicing what you want?



I am that today YES! This was not always so.
Married the man I met when I was fourteen. Never realized that he was controling me.
I now recognize this pretty soon.
In Holland we say; "No one eats the cheese of my bread" lol not when I am watching you your not.
Yes I stand up for myself even when I am waiting for service and someone tries to get ahead of me. It is Not going to happen as I will speak up.
Not doing so comes from having low-self esteem.
Had lots of that in the past. Not today.
Yes I deserve the best.
My youngest sister is somewhat spoiled the one above her is not.
I told someone that the sweet sister would end up with more someday.
I was told this is not so. Your younger sister will because she demands more. Yess right!
Keep up the good works!
Jenny


teddybear
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Aug 30, 2008 9:21 PM CST Standing up for yourself
hollandgirl
hollandgirlhollandgirlSomewhere in Canada. B.C., British Columbia Canada711 Threads 6,072 Posts
Also keep looking UP

teddybear
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Aug 30, 2008 9:23 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Lorax68
Lorax68Lorax68monmouth, Oregon USA9 Threads 156 Posts
no, if someone is hurting you, it is because you are unhappy enough to allow them to hurt you.

If you are in a relationship with someone that hurts you, then leave the relationship. Otherwise you are giving them permission, to hurt you.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:45 PM CST Standing up for yourself
shipoker58
shipoker58shipoker58Las Vegas, Nevada USA35 Threads 4,332 Posts
I’ve been away for a while, but now I’m back and ready to rock you!

My question for you today is simply this: Do you demand what you deserve?

When was the last time you stood up for you and told a partner “I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways
quote]


This is exactly why I have quit looking for women in this room. Exactly!! Most of you have such a high opinion of yourselves and such inflated egos, that it makes the average man feel they are never worthy of you. Inadequate is maybe a better word.

The better question might be: Do you demand what you THINK you deserve?

If some of you demanded what you deserve...you would be alone the rest of your life. I have no time or inclination for vanity and inflated egos
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Aug 30, 2008 9:47 PM CST Standing up for yourself
gypsykisses
gypsykissesgypsykissesPort Huron, Michigan USA9 Threads 1 Polls 3,242 Posts
Lorax68: no, if someone is hurting you, it is because you are unhappy enough to allow them to hurt you.

If you are in a relationship with someone that hurts you, then leave the relationship. Otherwise you are giving them permission, to hurt you.






hmmm not quite that simple, but what the heck....thumbs up
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Aug 30, 2008 9:52 PM CST Standing up for yourself
mindfful
mindffulmindffulChicago, Illinois USA307 Threads 9 Polls 25,009 Posts
i dont have to demand much

i do explain and invite
if i think my needs arent met properly i have a conversation and change the agreements

life is simply a series of conversations and agreements
not all that dramatic really

since ive been on board with this perspective ive had much more peace
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Aug 30, 2008 9:53 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
For me demanding isn't the right word....but if you hurt me....then we discuss it and reach a compromise about next time or similar situations...if it happens again...then as far as I am concerned the compromise or talk was just words and then I am through talking....and it's see ya!!!!!!!! (could be more than once...but I am to the point not likely) because I am done wasting my time!!!!!


What I do expect is to be treated with love and respect and kindness and if you can't do that...then you have no place in my life!!!!!!!!




wine
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Aug 30, 2008 9:56 PM CST Standing up for yourself
HzChld
HzChldHzChldSomewhere in the middle, Oklahoma USA64 Threads 3,574 Posts
mindfful: i dont have to demand much

i do explain and invite
if i think my needs arent met properly i have a conversation and change the agreements

life is simply a series of conversations and agreements
not all that dramatic really

since ive been on board with this perspective ive had much more peace


You are very wise dear friend! It is simply conversations. hug wave
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Aug 30, 2008 9:58 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Ocee35
Ocee35Ocee35Jackson, Michigan USA94 Threads 2 Polls 6,057 Posts
I have no problem saying "my way or not at all" in non-romantic relationships,

I avoid romantic relationships where I would need to.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:59 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
Hi Nordic

I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways”.

No, because, that is a veiled threat.

No negotiation, no consideration.

Not how I operate in a relationship.

All very well knowing what we are worth and what we deserve, but that is a combative and stubborn attitude.

How would you feel, if your partner said that to you?

Where would you go?

Standing up for oneself is one thing, but in a relationship, you should not have to 'stand up' for yourself, you should be able to express yourself, as your partner should.

Good to see you.

Am I good at voicing what I want? Yes, but I do it without a threat.

I talk it through.

If my partner does not, then he is not the man for me.
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Aug 30, 2008 10:00 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
Sommerauer71: Hi Nordic

I deserve this! You must give it to me or we’ll have to part our ways”.

No, because, that is a veiled threat.

No negotiation, no consideration.

Not how I operate in a relationship.

All very well knowing what we are worth and what we deserve, but that is a combative and stubborn attitude.

How would you feel, if your partner said that to you?

Where would you go?

Standing up for oneself is one thing, but in a relationship, you should not have to 'stand up' for yourself, you should be able to express yourself, as your partner should.

Good to see you.

Am I good at voicing what I want? Yes, but I do it without a threat.

I talk it through.

If my partner does not, then he is not the man for me.




Well said g/f......wave wink hug teddybear hug bouquet
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Aug 30, 2008 10:04 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Indyfella
IndyfellaIndyfellaindianapolis, Indiana USA230 Threads 9 Polls 27,698 Posts
I've never really known for sure what I deserve... It changes w/my mood~
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Aug 30, 2008 10:09 PM CST Standing up for yourself
mindfful
mindffulmindffulChicago, Illinois USA307 Threads 9 Polls 25,009 Posts
Indyfella: I've never really known for sure what I deserve... It changes w/my mood~


ill just bet
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Aug 30, 2008 10:09 PM CST Standing up for yourself
pyaremohan
pyaremohanpyaremohandelhi, Delhi India22 Threads 1,549 Posts
I usually get what i deserve without askin wink
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Aug 30, 2008 10:11 PM CST Standing up for yourself
mindfful
mindffulmindffulChicago, Illinois USA307 Threads 9 Polls 25,009 Posts
HzChld: You are very wise dear friend! It is simply conversations.


hello kitten

i paid good money to learn this way of management
down your way actually--
then i paid a gob more-well i had my employer pay
for me to become a certified facilitator

just a helpful helpful tool for me

and god knows ill take any serenity wherever i can get it


gift
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Aug 30, 2008 10:11 PM CST Standing up for yourself
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
Here's another thought...you're probably as worthy and deserving in a relationship as what you're willing to give to the other person!!!!!!!!


wine
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Aug 30, 2008 10:12 PM CST Standing up for yourself
pyaremohan
pyaremohanpyaremohandelhi, Delhi India22 Threads 1,549 Posts
Hugz_n_Kissez: Here's another thought...you're probably as worthy and deserving in a relationship as what you're willing to give to the other person!!!!!!!!



its a 2 way street sweetie
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