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Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you? ( Archived) (35)

Aug 30, 2008 8:21 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
NorseMedic
NorseMedicNorseMedicCollege Station, Texas USA15 Threads 2 Polls 285 Posts
A guy I have seen once before asked me on a second date last week. He lives here on campus.
I turned him down with the explanation that I don’t think certain of our values match.

The thing is that he comes from a very wealthy family and thus he spends a lot of money. His dad has worked hard so he could give his family financial freedom and this guy enjoys the benefits of it, which I see no problem with.

The problem, on the other hand, is how he is spending. I'm not a cheap, but I grew up with a single-dad in the military and 2 brothers. We never had a lot and had to really think twice before spending money even though we never needed anything that is to say we weren’t poor, but perhaps a bit under middle class.

I just don't feel like I can relate to that kind of spending. I know that in my field of study the employment and pay when finished will be... let’s just say it’ll be pretty okay. Of course I will benefit from it and in time buy a nice house, a car, a lot of shoes and other luxurious things. But I can't see myself spending 10$ on a cab FOR A PIZZA just because my favourite pizza place doesn't deliver themselves and I can't bother to get the damn pizza myself, not out of laziness but because I'd rather pay my way out of it. Or spending a 3 figured amount of money on designer laces for my shoes and throwing them in the trash after a week because I suddenly decided against it... Things that some people perhaps consider luxurious, but I just find right out silly.

I decided it was too much when on our first date he dropped 20$ and was too lazy or unbothered to pick them up again. People who waste money so uncaringly are just not my cup of tea, even if they can afford it.


How important is stuff like that to you when searching for a partner?
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Aug 30, 2008 8:25 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
livinglarge
livinglargelivinglargein a good place, Kildare Ireland13 Threads 8,222 Posts
NorseMedic: A guy I have seen once before asked me on a second date last week. He lives here on campus.
I turned him down with the explanation that I don’t think certain of our values match.

The thing is that he comes from a very wealthy family and thus he spends a lot of money. His dad has worked hard so he could give his family financial freedom and this guy enjoys the benefits of it, which I see no problem with.

The problem, on the other hand, is how he is spending. I'm not a cheap, but I grew up with a single-dad in the military and 2 brothers. We never had a lot and had to really think twice before spending money even though we never needed anything that is to say we weren’t poor, but perhaps a bit under middle class.

I just don't feel like I can relate to that kind of spending. I know that in my field of study the employment and pay when finished will be... let’s just say it’ll be pretty okay. Of course I will benefit from it and in time buy a nice house, a car, a lot of shoes and other luxurious things. But I can't see myself spending 10$ on a cab FOR A PIZZA just because my favourite pizza place doesn't deliver themselves and I can't bother to get the damn pizza myself, not out of laziness but because I'd rather pay my way out of it. Or spending a 3 figured amount of money on designer laces for my shoes and throwing them in the trash after a week because I suddenly decided against it... Things that some people perhaps consider luxurious, but I just find right out silly.

I decided it was too much when on our first date he dropped 20$ and was too lazy or unbothered to pick them up again. People who waste money so uncaringly are just not my cup of tea, even if they can afford it.How important is stuff like that to you when searching for a partner?
Well JMO you could give up on the old class division thing , so what the chap has a few bob, you can still be independant and pay your way untill you get to know him better. It is not the amount of money in his pocket but the amount of respect he has for fellow human beings .
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Aug 30, 2008 8:28 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
gentlepaws
gentlepawsgentlepawsAny town, Ontario Canada1,301 Threads 16 Polls 12,355 Posts
NO.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:06 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
NorseMedic
NorseMedicNorseMedicCollege Station, Texas USA15 Threads 2 Polls 285 Posts
livinglarge: Well JMO you could give up on the old class division thing , so what the chap has a few bob, you can still be independant and pay your way untill you get to know him better. It is not the amount of money in his pocket but the amount of respect he has for fellow human beings .


I think you have misunderstood me.

It's not the money or wealth or class or anything like that.

It's that he seems totally uncaring with wasting money on nothing at all. Like it doesn't matter at all.

I don't like just wasting things, not just money, just for the sake of wasting them.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:10 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Zeelander
ZeelanderZeelanderLouisville, Kentucky USA117 Threads 8 Polls 2,942 Posts
livinglarge: Well JMO you could give up on the old class division thing , so what the chap has a few bob, you can still be independant and pay your way untill you get to know him better. It is not the amount of money in his pocket but the amount of respect he has for fellow human beings .


You hit the nail square on the head.

When you die you can't take the money with you, so you might as well enjoy it. I have been on both sides of the money tracks and I will tell you, it is much nicer to be able to afford things than it is to be broke and homeless.

Zee
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Aug 30, 2008 9:15 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
NorseMedic
NorseMedicNorseMedicCollege Station, Texas USA15 Threads 2 Polls 285 Posts
Zeelander: You hit the nail square on the head.

When you die you can't take the money with you, so you might as well enjoy it. I have been on both sides of the money tracks and I will tell you, it is much nicer to be able to afford things than it is to be broke and homeless.

Zee


I don't mind money spending, but I do mind brainless money spending.

If you're just going to throw money away, I feel you could at least do something useful with it. Feed the poor or something like that. Not just leave it in a pool of water to soak up and be destroyed. You might as well burn it then.

I know it's his right to choose if he wants to just throw money on the street, but I do feel that it's a very strange concept. I feel it's wrong, like gluttony, if you don't appreciate what you got enough to make sane use of it.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:17 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
livinglarge
livinglargelivinglargein a good place, Kildare Ireland13 Threads 8,222 Posts
Zeelander: You hit the nail square on the head.

When you die you can't take the money with you, so you might as well enjoy it. I have been on both sides of the money tracks and I will tell you, it is much nicer to be able to afford things than it is to be broke and homeless.

Zee
I agree and I would never be uncertain of some1 who had a few bob, I take people as they come , would be more concerned if some1 was spending all their cash on drink or drugs or both, as long as the guy is a nice person ,treats poeple with respect whilst at the same time having a ball , I say fair play to them !! When you pay the bills the rest is for living , I don't care if its a lot or a small amount , it is yours and welcome to spend as you see fit , hell you can even be frugal ! Whats yours is yours banana
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Aug 30, 2008 9:17 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Zeelander
ZeelanderZeelanderLouisville, Kentucky USA117 Threads 8 Polls 2,942 Posts
NorseMedic: I don't mind money spending, but I do mind brainless money spending.

If you're just going to throw money away, I feel you could at least do something useful with it. Feed the poor or something like that. Not just leave it in a pool of water to soak up and be destroyed. You might as well burn it then.

I know it's his right to choose if he wants to just throw money on the street, but I do feel that it's a very strange concept. I feel it's wrong, like gluttony, if you don't appreciate what you got enough to make sane use of it.


May I ask some of the things he wastes his money on?

zee
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Aug 30, 2008 9:18 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Indyfella
IndyfellaIndyfellaindianapolis, Indiana USA230 Threads 9 Polls 27,698 Posts
Yes (of course, it's how you define healthy)
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Aug 30, 2008 9:19 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
livinglarge
livinglargelivinglargein a good place, Kildare Ireland13 Threads 8,222 Posts
NorseMedic: I don't mind money spending, but I do mind brainless money spending.

If you're just going to throw money away, I feel you could at least do something useful with it. Feed the poor or something like that. Not just leave it in a pool of water to soak up and be destroyed. You might as well burn it then.

I know it's his right to choose if he wants to just throw money on the street, but I do feel that it's a very strange concept. I feel it's wrong, like gluttony, if you don't appreciate what you got enough to make sane use of it.
wave I disagree , if you WANT to throw away money be my guest , as long as its YOUR money !!
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Aug 30, 2008 9:19 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Zeelander
ZeelanderZeelanderLouisville, Kentucky USA117 Threads 8 Polls 2,942 Posts
Zeelander: May I ask some of the things he wastes his money on?

zee


Sorry, had a brain disfunction.... I see

at least he is keeping people employed..... not like he is lighting his cigars with $100 bills.

Zee
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Aug 30, 2008 9:21 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
kidatheart
kidatheartkidatheartFruitvale, British Columbia Canada33 Threads 24,897 Posts
I know what you mean and it drives me nuts. I've worked for everything I have since I was 12 and never received an allowance or spending money from my parents. Before I was 12 I was doing chores around the house and yard and I wasn't asked at all, it was expected....period.
I don't feel bad about it at all, and do have a healthy respect for money, and what it can do.
I have had a few friends and aquaintances over the years who have had things handed to them, bought for them and cash to spend as well. The treat their belongings like crap and spend everything they have, knowing that their parents will be there to bail them out. No respect for anything.
It's an unbelievably poor attitude to instill in one's children, even if you're a grandparent doing a bit too much spoiling.

wave
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Aug 30, 2008 9:21 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
shipoker58
shipoker58shipoker58Las Vegas, Nevada USA35 Threads 4,332 Posts
I only associate with people on my financial level. So it's a moot issue. I simply tell a woman...you are out of my league. End of discussion
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Aug 30, 2008 9:22 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
venere08
venere08venere08Puglia and Autumn, South Australia Australia147 Threads 2 Polls 14,452 Posts
NorseMedic: A guy I have seen once before asked me on a second date last week. He lives here on campus.
I turned him down with the explanation that I don’t think certain of our values match.

The thing is that he comes from a very wealthy family and thus he spends a lot of money. His dad has worked hard so he could give his family financial freedom and this guy enjoys the benefits of it, which I see no problem with.

The problem, on the other hand, is how he is spending. I'm not a cheap, but I grew up with a single-dad in the military and 2 brothers. We never had a lot and had to really think twice before spending money even though we never needed anything that is to say we weren’t poor, but perhaps a bit under middle class.

I just don't feel like I can relate to that kind of spending. I know that in my field of study the employment and pay when finished will be... let’s just say it’ll be pretty okay. Of course I will benefit from it and in time buy a nice house, a car, a lot of shoes and other luxurious things. But I can't see myself spending 10$ on a cab FOR A PIZZA just because my favourite pizza place doesn't deliver themselves and I can't bother to get the damn pizza myself, not out of laziness but because I'd rather pay my way out of it. Or spending a 3 figured amount of money on designer laces for my shoes and throwing them in the trash after a week because I suddenly decided against it... Things that some people perhaps consider luxurious, but I just find right out silly.

I decided it was too much when on our first date he dropped 20$ and was too lazy or unbothered to pick them up again. People who waste money so uncaringly are just not my cup of tea, even if they can afford it.How important is stuff like that to you when searching for a partner?


I agree with you on all you have said. The behaviour shown by that guy you spoke about, reveals many unpleasant traits, being so slapdash about money, shows a gross disrespect that might infiltrate into so many other areas.

I have a dear friend that lives in Texas, and whom I met in '96, and stayed at his home (a perfect gentleman the whole time may I add, no hanky panky). He is still unmarried and we still correspond. Now this man is loaded, but in 12 years, that has not tempted me enough to rush off to be with him, something I know he would have wanted as he got me to 'try on' his mother's heirloom engagement ring he just happened to have at an antique fair where his brother had a stand back in '96.(It fit perfectly BTW).

Just the other week, he sent me an email saying he has just traded in his racing car porsche, for a new porsche GT2. I googled the price tag and it is around $191,700 US, probably without onroads!!! As lovely as this guy is, spending that kind of money on a car, well, I do wonder what his values are. I can't help wondering how the money could be better spent with some deserving charity. Maybe I'm very wrong, and maybe I think this way just because I don't know what it's like to have that kind of money. Having said this, I do hope he very much enjoys his new car. It's his life, his choice! thumbs up And that he doesn't drive it too fast around that race track!!!laugh

wave
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Aug 30, 2008 9:23 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta249 Threads 28 Polls 18,518 Posts
Nah....I'm with you on this one....a couple have to have similiar values.....I couldn't be with someone who had no respect for money, or how to use it....And also, if the guy has no sense of value, that will dictate his lifestyle, and his attitude to everything else....money breeds arrogance, if you haven't been taught to respect it...


NorseMedic: I think you have misunderstood me.

It's not the money or wealth or class or anything like that.

It's that he seems totally uncaring with wasting money on nothing at all. Like it doesn't matter at all.

I don't like just wasting things, not just money, just for the sake of wasting them.
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Aug 30, 2008 9:23 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Zeelander
ZeelanderZeelanderLouisville, Kentucky USA117 Threads 8 Polls 2,942 Posts
shipoker58: I only associate with people on my financial level. So it's a moot issue. I simply tell a woman...you are out of my league. End of discussion



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Zee
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Aug 30, 2008 9:27 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Ship is a money chaser.Don't let him fool you.He tried to bilk me out of my millions,but I caught on in time.












tongue just kidding.I love ship and he knows it,with or without $.teddybear
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Aug 30, 2008 9:28 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
livinglarge
livinglargelivinglargein a good place, Kildare Ireland13 Threads 8,222 Posts
kidatheart: I know what you mean and it drives me nuts. I've worked for everything I have since I was 12 and never received an allowance or spending money from my parents. Before I was 12 I was doing chores around the house and yard and I wasn't asked at all, it was expected....period.
I don't feel bad about it at all, and do have a healthy respect for money, and what it can do.
I have had a few friends and aquaintances over the years who have had things handed to them, bought for them and cash to spend as well. The treat their belongings like crap and spend everything they have, knowing that their parents will be there to bail them out. No respect for anything.
It's an unbelievably poor attitude to instill in one's children, even if you're a grandparent doing a bit too much spoiling.
Well fantastic !! I think you will find that the majority of the human race experienced what you did , I know I certainly did , but hold on , IMO the guy has every right to spend as he pleases , as long as he is paying his bills , not spending other peoples money ! Who knows ? He could be very generous to charities without crowing about it .handshake
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Aug 30, 2008 9:30 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
To me if it's your money spend it as you choose...BUT if we live together after the bills etc are paid by both of us....then go to town!!!!!!!!!!


As long as someone knows their priorities...it doesn't much matter to me!!!!!!!!


wine
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Aug 30, 2008 9:30 PM CST Is a healthy relationship towards money a must for you?
fireliter
fireliterfireliterAllen Park, Michigan USA635 Threads 17 Polls 7,934 Posts
NorseMedic: Or spending a 3 figured amount of money on designer laces for my shoes and throwing them in the trash after a week because I suddenly decided against it... Things that some people perhaps consider luxurious, but I just find right out silly.


Not sure of the currency exchange rate...but 3 figures for shoe lacesdoh

but i must admit I have called for a cab to deliver my dinner...here cabs/taxi's will pick up and deliver most anything.

Its sad how some of the real good eating establishment quit deliver after a certain time, or do not deliver at all.
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