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I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing.... ( Archived) (108)

Sep 20, 2008 6:55 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
In the past my relationships have always started with a bang... eyes meet, stomach does flipflops, heart races, instant rapport and a feeling of having known each other forever, and from that moment you just are and you both know it.

I´ve never done the "dating, getting to know each other kind of thing" and am feeling a bit lost with it, but am beginning to realize that not all relationships can or do start with that kind of bang and maybe it´s time to open myself up to something that takes time to grow and develop... but I honestly don´t know how to go about this... ( I know... it´s pretty sad for a 48 year old woman)

A couple of months ago I went to an exhibit that was showing a photographers work... he was born here on the island but has spent most of his life traveling the world as a photographer for National Geographic... he recently retired and has come home to Ibiza and has the most beautiful organic farm. I find him incredibly interesting and attractive but there were no fireworks when we met. He has come into the bar a couple of times now and we have had some good conversations but that´s as far as it´s gone.

He was in again last night and I discovered that he is into Chinese astrology... I was born in the year of the rat... he informed me that he was year of the monkey and that the two signs make an ideal couple. He also said that this year should bring some fantastic changes in my life and that we should talk about it. He did not however ask me out.

How should I take this... is he interested in me??? The next time he comes in... should I suggest meeting for a coffee.... should I just sit back and see what happens... I don´t know if there is any potential for something here... but I do know that I have a lot of respect and admiration for him... is that enough to start with....?

Like I said... I´m useless at this whole dating thing... sigh
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Sep 20, 2008 7:08 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Weimarlady
WeimarladyWeimarladySouth, Xlokk Malta34 Threads 6 Polls 1,618 Posts
jbibiza: but I do know that I have a lot of respect and admiration for him... is that enough to start with....?


Good God, ABSOLUTELY it is! He sure seems interested, I'd just return his interest, by answering any questions he may have, telling about myself... Dreams, interests, likes, aspirations... I wouldn't worry a bit about there being "no fireworks" yet.... First an interest in his mind (already there, it seems), then seeing whether he can be a close friend (being close emotionally), and then.... bring on the fireworks! laugh
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Sep 20, 2008 7:25 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
Hi JB

I would ask him if he would like dinner, so that you can talk about these fantastic changes in your life...

Seems a perfect opportunity to me.

I do not think anyone is useless at dating. It works when the two people are happy with each other and committed to one another...

I had one fabulous date, with a lovely man and he was very attracted to me, I liked his mind but for some reason I was fearful, we are great friends and now he has a lovely girlfriend, I really like her and we are all friends.

I think ask him for dinner, then you are in a better position to know his level of interest. If the vibes are good then tell him that you like him...

I would. Remember, do not be fearful.

You are too smart to be fearful...
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Sep 20, 2008 8:12 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
airliner
airlinerairlinerCentral, New Jersey USA24 Threads 2 Polls 6,726 Posts
My dear J,

Reading your description of fireworks, my comprehension of it is something more like chemistry. (as my own version of it is a bit different. So is "bang"grin )

In the light of that, I would say, take things slowly and go with the flow. And see if chemistry awakens between you two gradually, as you get closer, both mentally and physically.

After all, you are not just looking for a companion. At least not yet. Right?

laugh hug
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Sep 20, 2008 8:17 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA78 Threads 7 Polls 21,350 Posts
He is definitely interested...

You said you have respect and admiration for him. You are half way there to establishing a solid relationship.

Go out a few times one on one and see if the spark slowly developes. Good luck to you!!hug hug
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Sep 20, 2008 8:17 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Enduro
EnduroEnduroLaunceston, Tasmania Australia18 Threads 467 Posts
jbibiza: In the past my relationships have always started with a bang... eyes meet, stomach does flipflops, heart races, instant rapport and a feeling of having known each other forever, and from that moment you just are and you both know it.

I´ve never done the "dating, getting to know each other kind of thing" and am feeling a bit lost with it, but am beginning to realize that not all relationships can or do start with that kind of bang and maybe it´s time to open myself up to something that takes time to grow and develop... but I honestly don´t know how to go about this... ( I know... it´s pretty sad for a 48 year old woman)

A couple of months ago I went to an exhibit that was showing a photographers work... he was born here on the island but has spent most of his life traveling the world as a photographer for National Geographic... he recently retired and has come home to Ibiza and has the most beautiful organic farm. I find him incredibly interesting and attractive but there were no fireworks when we met. He has come into the bar a couple of times now and we have had some good conversations but that´s as far as it´s gone.

He was in again last night and I discovered that he is into Chinese astrology... I was born in the year of the rat... he informed me that he was year of the monkey and that the two signs make an ideal couple. He also said that this year should bring some fantastic changes in my life and that we should talk about it. He did not however ask me out.

How should I take this... is he interested in me??? The next time he comes in... should I suggest meeting for a coffee.... should I just sit back and see what happens... I don´t know if there is any potential for something here... but I do know that I have a lot of respect and admiration for him... is that enough to start with....?

Like I said... I´m useless at this whole dating thing...



He is 110% most definitely interested in you, but like some sales people he is scared to ask for the order to close the sale. He is possibly scared of rejection and is hoping for a positive sign of encouragement from you.

Should you decide to give him that encouragement then he will jump at the opportunity and on that you can be certain after the strong hints that he has given you. It is your decision for the next move The easiest approach would be to ask him if he wants to join you on some activity that you think he may like and you will probably find that he may even say yes before you have explained the activity.

If by some chance I am wrong (highly unlikely) then I will send you this sad flower
as my apology. But I know that the only roses that you will receive are from him in the very near future after you give him the all clear.

Good luck and enjoy your new friendship.



detective thumbs up detective
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Sep 20, 2008 8:29 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
AudrysSis: Good God, ABSOLUTELY it is! He sure seems interested, I'd just return his interest, by answering any questions he may have, telling about myself... Dreams, interests, likes, aspirations... I wouldn't worry a bit about there being "no fireworks" yet.... First an interest in his mind (already there, it seems), then seeing whether he can be a close friend (being close emotionally), and then.... bring on the fireworks!



Well ladies... you both seem to think green light, but very different approaches in dealing with the green light... and to be honest I´m not sure either... if he were younger then I am... or from a less traditional background I might be a little more inclined to take your advice sommer... but Spanish, Ibizician... I´m not sure... and yes, I think I am a little nervous or afraid to do the asking...
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Sep 20, 2008 8:38 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
jbibiza: Well ladies... you both seem to think green light, but very different approaches in dealing with the green light... and to be honest I´m not sure either... if he were younger then I am... or from a less traditional background I might be a little more inclined to take your advice sommer... but Spanish, Ibizician... I´m not sure... and yes, I think I am a little nervous or afraid to do the asking...



I'm no expert at dating either...but it's been my experience that the greater the fireworks...the faster they fizzle out....it's well worth it to take your time getting to know someone especially if the intrigue and at least initial attraction is there already on your part....I find sometimes the more you get to know the inside of a person the more attractive they become and the fireworks develop overtime but with a much stronger bond in place....as far as asking him out...I see no harm in asking him if he would like to go for coffee sometime to discuss more about his interests!!!!!wave wink hug teddybear hug bouquet
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Sep 20, 2008 8:38 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
airliner: My dear J,

Reading your description of fireworks, my comprehension of it is something more like chemistry. (as my own version of it is a bit different. So is "bang" )

In the light of that, I would say, take things slowly and go with the flow. And see if chemistry awakens between you two gradually, as you get closer, both mentally and physically.

After all, you are not just looking for a companion. At least not yet. Right?



laugh laugh You really are bad....

In no way am I looking for just a companion... I´ve got great friends that fill that role, it definitely has to be more!

Chemistry is a good word for it.... all my previous relationships have had that at the start and have grown from there... this is the only start to a relationship I know how to do. I keep waiting to feel that way about someone again... but frankly it´s been years since someone effected me in that way... maybe as we get older the chemical reaction is lessened... and a new approach is needed?
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Sep 20, 2008 8:47 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
jbibiza: Well ladies... you both seem to think green light, but very different approaches in dealing with the green light... and to be honest I´m not sure either... if he were younger then I am... or from a less traditional background I might be a little more inclined to take your advice sommer... but Spanish, Ibizician... I´m not sure... and yes, I think I am a little nervous or afraid to do the asking...



Bless you JB...

So next time he comes in, then spend the time with him as you have done..

What are you scared of? Him refusing your offer?

Spend some more time with him and ask him lightly, 'Perhaps we could discuss this over dinner'

I did this once, 'Of course, I would be delighted to have dinner with you' Before he had even asked me... He loved it...

The Spanish people are flamboyant and fun, he may love the confident approach...

WHat have you to lose?

Absolutely nothing, he can say one of two things, yes or no...
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Sep 20, 2008 8:47 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
mbcasey: He is definitely interested...

You said you have respect and admiration for him. You are half way there to establishing a solid relationship.

Go out a few times one on one and see if the spark slowly developes. Good luck to you!!



I guess that is where my basic insecurities rise to the surface... I grew up with a great body...(won the swimsuit competetion in a Miss Calif. pagent)... I know... I can´t believe I ever took part in something like that either...doh laugh and now I do carry some extra weight... I´ve lost 40 pounds in the last 5 years but still need to lose another 30... it´s a slow process that gets harder the closer I get to my ideal weight... but it does make me less confident.... it´s so much easier when it starts with fireworks... there are no doubts.
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Sep 20, 2008 8:49 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Indyfella
IndyfellaIndyfellaindianapolis, Indiana USA230 Threads 9 Polls 27,698 Posts
He sounds rich...if you don't want him...I may think about it.

















laugh
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Sep 20, 2008 8:50 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
mbcasey
mbcaseymbcaseyNorth Myrtle Beach, South Carolina USA78 Threads 7 Polls 21,350 Posts
jbibiza: I guess that is where my basic insecurities rise to the surface... I grew up with a great body...(won the swimsuit competetion in a Miss Calif. pagent)... I know... I can´t believe I ever took part in something like that either... and now I do carry some extra weight... I´ve lost 40 pounds in the last 5 years but still need to lose another 30... it´s a slow process that gets harder the closer I get to my ideal weight... but it does make me less confident.... it´s so much easier when it starts with fireworks... there are no doubts.


love do you have pictures of the swimsuit competition?...I mean way to go!!

You look great today.

Don't wear the wig until the second date...BTW you got a flower
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Sep 20, 2008 8:50 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
airliner
airlinerairlinerCentral, New Jersey USA24 Threads 2 Polls 6,726 Posts
jbibiza: I guess that is where my basic insecurities rise to the surface... I grew up with a great body...(won the swimsuit competetion in a Miss Calif. pagent)... I know... I can´t believe I ever took part in something like that either... and now I do carry some extra weight... I´ve lost 40 pounds in the last 5 years but still need to lose another 30... it´s a slow process that gets harder the closer I get to my ideal weight... but it does make me less confident.... it´s so much easier when it starts with fireworks... there are no doubts.


do you have some pics??grin
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Sep 20, 2008 8:52 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
Enduro: He is 110% most definitely interested in you, but like some sales people he is scared to ask for the order to close the sale. He is possibly scared of rejection and is hoping for a positive sign of encouragement from you.

Should you decide to give him that encouragement then he will jump at the opportunity and on that you can be certain after the strong hints that he has given you. It is your decision for the next move The easiest approach would be to ask him if he wants to join you on some activity that you think he may like and you will probably find that he may even say yes before you have explained the activity.

If by some chance I am wrong (highly unlikely) then I will send you this
as my apology. But I know that the only roses that you will receive are from him in the very near future after you give him the all clear.

Good luck and enjoy your new friendship.



I guess I just can´t imagine a man like him being afraid to ask... attractive, interesting life, intelligent, world traveler, successful artist... I can´t help but think a lot of women would be interested in him...

Be ready with that flower....laugh
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Sep 20, 2008 8:53 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
"Personal opinion" jb..................

As I have grown older (started about your age), if my tummy did the tummy tucks and the heart beat faster when the eyes met, I turned around and walked the other way. (quickly)

"For me", I realized it was simply lust, yes she had something I wanted but only a couple of times.. Hence, my constant joking of wanting a 22yo redhead.

ANYTIME, give me a woman that has her own life. One that chooses to be around me and NOT one that thinks she cannot live without me. Hell, I am NO "prize catch" and neither is any other in this world.

Long ago I realized I have no desire to be a participant in the life of anyone unless they want me to be and I desire nobody to be any part of my life unless they want to be there.

There is so much more to a wonderful relationship than sheet ripping sex. As I have grown older, I have gained several great relationships with a few great women and none of these are s*xual.

As nutty as I am, it is my true belief that people come and people go, nothing but change is forever. I probably have missed some great chances for a "partner" but it is my gut that tells me if they are there for the long haul or not. So far, they are not.
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Sep 20, 2008 8:56 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
Hugz_n_Kissez: I'm no expert at dating either...but it's been my experience that the greater the fireworks...the faster they fizzle out....it's well worth it to take your time getting to know someone especially if the intrigue and at least initial attraction is there already on your part....I find sometimes the more you get to know the inside of a person the more attractive they become and the fireworks develop overtime but with a much stronger bond in place....as far as asking him out...I see no harm in asking him if he would like to go for coffee sometime to discuss more about his interests!!!!!



That´s the thing... I´ve never experienced the fizzle when a relationship started like this... the only relationship I´v been in that didn´t start with fireworks was my exhusband... and I kind of talked myself into that relationship because I knew it would be a more traditional "normal" relationship then the others in my life... what I learned is that "traditional, normal" relationships don´t seem to work for me. laugh
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Sep 20, 2008 9:05 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
HJFinAZ: "Personal opinion" jb..................

As I have grown older (started about your age), if my tummy did the tummy tucks and the heart beat faster when the eyes met, I turned around and walked the other way. (quickly)

"For me", I realized it was simply lust, yes she had something I wanted but only a couple of times.. Hence, my constant joking of wanting a 22yo redhead.

ANYTIME, give me a woman that has her own life. One that chooses to be around me and NOT one that thinks she cannot live without me. Hell, I am NO "prize catch" and neither is any other in this world.

Long ago I realized I have no desire to be a participant in the life of anyone unless they want me to be and I desire nobody to be any part of my life unless they want to be there.

There is so much more to a wonderful relationship than sheet ripping sex. As I have grown older, I have gained several great relationships with a few great women and none of these are s*xual.

As nutty as I am, it is my true belief that people come and people go, nothing but change is forever. I probably have missed some great chances for a "partner" but it is my gut that tells me if they are there for the long haul or not. So far, they are not.



I agree almost completely... (I still want the sheet ripping sex) but I do want someone with a life of their own, that respects and admires that I do as well... and the only way I would be in a relationship is that we both want to be there and by doing so enhance the others life...
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Sep 20, 2008 9:07 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
jbibiza
jbibizajbibizaIbiza, Balearic Islands Spain133 Threads 6 Polls 7,679 Posts
airliner: do you have some pics??



laugh laugh laugh I shouldn´t have expected anything less from you and Ken!!laugh laugh
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Sep 20, 2008 9:09 AM CST I´m useless at this whole "dating" thing....
Hugz_n_Kissez
Hugz_n_KissezHugz_n_KissezSomeplace, Ontario Canada82 Threads 3 Polls 34,865 Posts
jbibiza: That´s the thing... I´ve never experienced the fizzle when a relationship started like this... the only relationship I´v been in that didn´t start with fireworks was my exhusband... and I kind of talked myself into that relationship because I knew it would be a more traditional "normal" relationship then the others in my life... what I learned is that "traditional, normal" relationships don´t seem to work for me.



Well spend some time with him and if no fireworks develop...then at the very least you will have gained a good friend...so either way it's worth it....wave wink hug teddybear hug bouquet
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