roseofsharonmanchester, Hampshire, England UK8,699 posts
Hugz_n_Kissez: Nope these are actual things people post on Craig's List on the net....these are all from the Best of Craig's list...it's an actual site... BUT surely to god all these posters are comedians....
So its a noticeboard/advertising site kind of arrangement then, is it??!!
I'm not dippy, I've just not heard of it.... except on here once or twice....
I am a biotechnology grad student in search of housing. A back guest house would be perfect. In exchange, I will build you a cyborg. In case you do not know, a cyborg is a biologically based animatronic being, in other words half human and half robot. Since current science is still catching up on this technology, it may be a few years until your cyborg is built. It might help if you had a pet dog or cat that I could practice with. For any reason if you die before the cyborg is finished, I promise to use your remains in the project, in order to fulfill my debt to you. Since you will be the first person to own/be a cyborg, this should be considered a very generous offer. Must have dishwasher in guest house. Please, serious replies only.
I hear everyone complain about how their boyfriends are dogs, and I have to say gals, I think you’re the lucky ones. Dogs may be smelly and drool and whatnot, but at least they’re loyal and friendly and act happy when you get home. I, on the other hand, think that maybe my boyfriend is a cat. Lines of evidence include:
1. He comes and goes as he likes.
2. He’s far friendlier when I offer food.
3. He sleeps about 14 hours a day.
4. He acts like it’s a privilege to give him attention.
5. He tries to lay on me alot.
6. When I’m reading the paper, he gets in front of it and wants attention.
7. He bats at quickly moving objects.
8. He spends a good deal of time grooming himself, especially after I’ve touched him.
9. He doesn’t come when called.
10. He sheds everywhere.
11. He makes funny little grumbly sounds when he’s happy.
12. He’s kind of territorial.
13. He’s destroyed the couch.
14. Sometimes he sprays in the bathroom.
15. I’m not sure he would notice if I were gone for a few days.
So, in any case, if you have a dog of a man that you’re a little tired of and you’d like to try something else, I would like to offer you a trade for my cat of a boyfriend. He comes with a few toys, a bowl, and a week’s supply of food. By the way, if you don’t have a man, I would also be willing to trade a good bottle of wine for him, and I’ll promise to toast to your success as a couple while I’m drinking it.
Help wanted to remove Bushes from around the Whitehouse! Reply to DNC. Please!
Compensation: What the Constitution dictates Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. Reposting this message elsewhere is OK. this is in or around WA
mylifewithu: Lines of evidence that my boyfriend is a cat
Date: 2003-09-12, 10:22AM PDT I hear everyone complain about how their boyfriends are dogs, and I have to say gals, I think you’re the lucky ones. Dogs may be smelly and drool and whatnot, but at least they’re loyal and friendly and act happy when you get home. I, on the other hand, think that maybe my boyfriend is a cat. Lines of evidence include:
1. He comes and goes as he likes.
2. He’s far friendlier when I offer food.
3. He sleeps about 14 hours a day.
4. He acts like it’s a privilege to give him attention.
5. He tries to lay on me alot.
6. When I’m reading the paper, he gets in front of it and wants attention.
7. He bats at quickly moving objects.
8. He spends a good deal of time grooming himself, especially after I’ve touched him.
9. He doesn’t come when called.
10. He sheds everywhere.
11. He makes funny little grumbly sounds when he’s happy.
12. He’s kind of territorial.
13. He’s destroyed the couch.
14. Sometimes he sprays in the bathroom.
15. I’m not sure he would notice if I were gone for a few days.
So, in any case, if you have a dog of a man that you’re a little tired of and you’d like to try something else, I would like to offer you a trade for my cat of a boyfriend. He comes with a few toys, a bowl, and a week’s supply of food. By the way, if you don’t have a man, I would also be willing to trade a good bottle of wine for him, and I’ll promise to toast to your success as a couple while I’m drinking it.
Date: 2003-11-25, 1:21AM PST Help wanted to remove Bushes from around the Whitehouse! Reply to DNC. Please! Compensation: What the Constitution dictates Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. Reposting this message elsewhere is OK. this is in or around WA
When trying to quit Craigslist, Buy CRAIGORETTE. When you feel the urge to get online, turn off your computer, stick a piece of Craigorette in mouth and chew.
If Craigorette fails throw out your computer, find a lover or partner the old fashioned way, go back to school, get out of the house and get on with your life.
I don't think I have the total addiction down yet to need Craigorettes yet, I will keep working on it
I have a slightly used girlfriend, 1982 model, white with black top, 5’6”, 110 lbs with 36C cups and excellent tail. Features one of a kind exterior, wild styling, and razor sharp handling. Quite a looker, turns a lot of heads when parked somewhere. She sometimes runs a little rough but is extremely fun and performs quite well once you get her going. Has good after-market add-ons (tattoos, piercings, college degree) and comes with lots of accessories and some hard luggage. Can be cranky and a bit of trouble to start, especially on cold mornings. I don’t advise using the choke. Seems to idle okay most of the time, and fuel consumption is good, though response is best with premium beer. Sometimes she’s a little fussy, stops cooperating without any explanation, and wants to be in control most of the time. Then again, many of my friend’s wives are like that, so it seems like people don’t mind this sort of thing. I've invested a lot in her, and in some ways I'd hate to part with her. However, I realized I’m not looking for a project that requires this much attention, and the long term cost of maintenance on an exotic model like this is just killing me. Will trade for any year YZF-R6. Prefer a straight bike with no issues, minimal modifications. Ex-race bike is okay if it comes with clean papers and is ready for normal street duty. I can fix minor mechanical problems, and cosmetic damage is fine. However, I’m tired of trying to work miracles just to have a dependable source of fun.
Me too....let's get to know each other. Let's revel in our uniqueness. To hell with symmetry! Let's drink a cold apple martini( I look alot better after) and you can stare into my black beady eyes.
mylifewithu: TRADE: my exotic GF for your reliable YZF-R6
Date: 2003-06-27, 12:09PM PDT TRADE: my GF for your R6
I have a slightly used girlfriend, 1982 model, white with black top, 5’6”, 110 lbs with 36C cups and excellent tail. Features one of a kind exterior, wild styling, and razor sharp handling. Quite a looker, turns a lot of heads when parked somewhere. She sometimes runs a little rough but is extremely fun and performs quite well once you get her going. Has good after-market add-ons (tattoos, piercings, college degree) and comes with lots of accessories and some hard luggage. Can be cranky and a bit of trouble to start, especially on cold mornings. I don’t advise using the choke. Seems to idle okay most of the time, and fuel consumption is good, though response is best with premium beer. Sometimes she’s a little fussy, stops cooperating without any explanation, and wants to be in control most of the time. Then again, many of my friend’s wives are like that, so it seems like people don’t mind this sort of thing. I've invested a lot in her, and in some ways I'd hate to part with her. However, I realized I’m not looking for a project that requires this much attention, and the long term cost of maintenance on an exotic model like this is just killing me. Will trade for any year YZF-R6. Prefer a straight bike with no issues, minimal modifications. Ex-race bike is okay if it comes with clean papers and is ready for normal street duty. I can fix minor mechanical problems, and cosmetic damage is fine. However, I’m tired of trying to work miracles just to have a dependable source of fun.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to grab the ball through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because I'm not helping you achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie points.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.
When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up and trying to grab the ball through the glass is not helpful. Barking at me because I'm not helping you achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie points.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, canine attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
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Nope these are actual things people post on Craig's List on the net....these are all from the Best of Craig's list...it's an actual site...
BUT surely to god all these posters are comedians....