Holy Humour ( Archived) (3)

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly,
'I know what the Bible means!'
His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?
The son replied, 'I do know!'
'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the Bible mean?'
'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied excitedly,'
It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the postal clerk.
'Only the Ten Commandments. ' answered the lady.

There are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and
say, 'Good morning, Lord,'
and there are those who wake up in the morning
and say, 'Good Lord, it's morning.'

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in
a large city because he was short of time and
couldn't find a space with a meter. Then, he put
a note under the windshield wiper that read: 'I
have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park
here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses.'
When he returned, he found a citation from a
police officer along with this note 'I've circled
this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a
ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation.'

There is the story of a pastor who got up one
Sunday and announced to his congregation: 'I have
good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.'

A minister waited in line to have his car filled
with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The
attendant worked quickly, but there were many
cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant
motioned him toward a vacant pump.
'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so sorry
about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits
until the last minute to get ready for a long trip.'
The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean.
It's the same in my business.'

People want the front of the bus, The back of the
church, And The centre of attention.

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young
daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter
answered, 'Don't be scared, you'll get your
quilt.' Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed.
Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea
and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday
school lesson was about. He said, 'Be not afraid,
thy comforter is coming.'

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how
he was going to ask the congregation to come up
with more money than they were expecting for
repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was
annoyed to find that the regular organist was
sick and a substitute had been brought in at the
last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
'Here's a copy of the service,' he said impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement
about the finances.'
During the service, the minister paused and said,
'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great
difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much
as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of
you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up.'
At that moment, the substitute organist played the national anthem
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

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Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!