no1brightongirlOPbrighton, East Sussex, England UK239 posts
i have a close friend i have known for 30 odd yrs,shes gorgeous,kind and a professional woman.in july she met an american man,13yrs older than her,i know him,he is a good man,they get on great and have so much in common,she calls him her twin.they had fallen in love within a couple of days of meeting and are madly in love and speak on the phone for about 5 hrs a day.in nov she is leaving this country to be with him in the u.s. they are going to marry,from what i understand.she will leave her job,her home,have to rehome her pets,but is taking one with her and rehome her grown up kids,leave her family and friends and put all her hopes into this one person.he lives with his grown up daughter and many animals.i am amazed at her courage,i could understand a person leaving england to go to an eu country,but america is the other side of the world.i feel concerned because in a way she is giving up her life for the love of this man,whilst he only has to sit and wait for her and look forward to getting his oats.what would scare me about all this,if it was me,would be,what if everything goes wrong?
To be absolutely honest i dont think you form part of the equation....this is a decision she has to take...and your role is to support her in whatever she decides.....she is taking a risk ...well so what i am sure she is aware of it ...life is about taking risk ....and we live most when we take them......we may either succeed or come a acropper that is the nature of a risk......the real fear we should feel is when we stop taking risks..because that is also when we stop living and breathing ....................
ghost007: To be absolutely honest i dont think you form part of the equation....this is a decision she has to take...and your role is to support her in whatever she decides.....she is taking a risk ...well so what i am sure she is aware of it ...life is about taking risk ....and we live most when we take them......we may either succeed or come a acropper that is the nature of a risk......the real fear we should feel is when we stop taking risks..because that is also when we stop living and breathing ....................
Hear Hear. But respect to her she has got guts. But as you say there is a price to pay for everything in life from the moment one is born roght down to the last shovel of earth. And you only get what you pay for.
no1brightongirlOPbrighton, East Sussex, England UK239 posts
sensible comments ghost and gussi,im not criticising my friend,just amazed that someone would feel this way,after such a short time and have the guts to act on how they feel
no1brightongirl: sensible comments ghost and gussi,im not criticising my friend,just amazed that someone would feel this way,after such a short time and have the guts to act on how they feel
She has a Pioneering spirit .... good for her! And you say she is a professional woman, so whatever happens, anyway, she will land on her feet.
Its like telling kids they musn`t walk on a wall, they will fall ...... everyone has to "walk the wall" for themselves?... if they fall off, well, its the only way they learn.
no1brightongirl: good comment,smoky,i must be lacking in confidence,worrying about this
Different strokes for different folks I guess?
I wouldn`t be here now - if my great-great-grandparents hadn`t set sail in one of them old fashioned sailing ships from Germany headed for South Africa way back in the 1800`s! ... with 3 little kids hanging on Great-great-grandmama`s skirts. Or the dilly Irish lash who sailed over to SA from Ireland to marry a complete stranger, just cause a whole bunch of foreigners there were looking for hardworking wives!
muleguy52Liverpool, Merseyside, England UK368 posts
It's a throw of the dice,yes,but she obviously feels they are weighted in her favour. I'm presuming she's looking forward to 'getting her oats' as well? I think this is the sort of chance that many of us wish would come our way. But how many of us would have the courage to grasp it? I wish her every happiness.
no1brightongirl: i have a close friend i have known for 30 odd yrs,shes gorgeous,kind and a professional woman.in july she met an american man,13yrs older than her,i know him,he is a good man,they get on great and have so much in common,she calls him her twin.they had fallen in love within a couple of days of meeting and are madly in love and speak on the phone for about 5 hrs a day.in nov she is leaving this country to be with him in the u.s. they are going to marry,from what i understand.she will leave her job,her home,have to rehome her pets,but is taking one with her and rehome her grown up kids,leave her family and friends and put all her hopes into this one person.he lives with his grown up daughter and many animals.i am amazed at her courage,i could understand a person leaving england to go to an eu country,but america is the other side of the world.i feel concerned because in a way she is giving up her life for the love of this man,whilst he only has to sit and wait for her and look forward to getting his oats.what would scare me about all this,if it was me,would be,what if everything goes wrong?
Cath
I would throw her a going away party, tell her you will be out at Christmas, and wish her all the best....
America is far, but you know, it is not really, she will be ok...
no1brightongirlOPbrighton, East Sussex, England UK239 posts
muleguy and sommer,nice replies from confident people.think im too much of a worrier and true muleguy,very few people find themselves in such exciting circumstances
I disagree somewhat with the general sentiment here...what's wrong with arranging the move incrementally??...hedge your bets like... She could rent out the house, take a long leave from her employer etc etc...arrange a try-out for 3 months or so...
If she hasn't spent a lot of time with the new partner, why risk everything on a wish?..
I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, especially if this is an online romance...you never know if a relationship is really going to work until the "infatuation" phase has worn off....and that usually takes about 3 months or so...
Devastating criticism and cruel reviews welcome...
Lagoona22: I disagree somewhat with the general sentiment here...what's wrong with arranging the move incrementally??...hedge your bets like... She could rent out the house, take a long leave from her employer etc etc...arrange a try-out for 3 months or so...
If she hasn't spent a lot of time with the new partner, why risk everything on a wish?..
I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, especially if this is an online romance...you never know if a relationship is really going to work until the "infatuation" phase has worn off....and that usually takes about 3 months or so...
Devastating criticism and cruel reviews welcome...
i did something very similiar and moved to a
different country and it did not work out. I can't regret it because i would always have wondered and
thought " what if" but........ Lagoona has a good point and in hindsight wish i had done it differently
Lagoona22: I disagree somewhat with the general sentiment here...what's wrong with arranging the move incrementally??...hedge your bets like... She could rent out the house, take a long leave from her employer etc etc...arrange a try-out for 3 months or so...
If she hasn't spent a lot of time with the new partner, why risk everything on a wish?..
I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, especially if this is an online romance...you never know if a relationship is really going to work until the "infatuation" phase has worn off....and that usually takes about 3 months or so...
Devastating criticism and cruel reviews welcome...
well unfortunately I agree with you on this one I agree with risk ....but of course one should hedge ones bets...and if one can provide a fall back position ...certainly one should go for it ...........
Sign up to the local job scene before leaving, check out places that has your interests covered, maybe also get in touch with a few fellows from here that lives near by and can provide a temporary fall back should things go wrong.
Keep in touch with friends back home and plan for having them visit (planning is the important part here, not the visiting itself, it keeps you in touch with people).
I never did any of the above when moving, but I always had the job where I was. It kept me busy and safe.
For friends with friends moving away, our job is to provide news, gossip and a safe haven to return to if needed.
Moving half hearted is "dangerous" since it will not mentally prepare you right for adjusting to a new set of customs. Seen it time after time with people moving down here - this is a different place, different customs and different people, if you go here thinking they will convert to your way of life, you will return back from where you came with a sorrow heart.
no1brightongirlOPbrighton, East Sussex, England UK239 posts
lagoona you look great for your age and whats wrong with 55 eh?trust you to look at this through sensible eyes,romance is good,but being realistic is important too,i just feel that if a person does this they are in a vulnerable position,if you are 20 and you do something on the spur of the moment,often mum and dad take you back if it goes wrong,when you are older,over 40,its not that easy.morgans situation didnt work,dont know har far she went,when she moved to another country
Report threads that break rules, are offensive, or contain fighting. Staff may not be aware of the forum abuse, and cannot do anything about it unless you tell us about it. click to report forum abuse »
If one of the comments is offensive, please report the comment instead (there is a link in each comment to report it).