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Not sure how to handle Holidays ( Archived) (18)

Sep 30, 2008 6:45 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
I am looking for advice from the CS Community.

This will be my first Holiday Season since my divorce. How do you all handle the Holidays with your ex's?

I get along with my ex-inlaws or a someone said earlier today my Out-Laws very well. I still think of my Out-Laws as my mom and dad, they have treated me very well and have supported me through the divorce of the youngest daughter.

They call once a week at least asking how i am doing and the last time i had spoken to my ex she said that she has not talked to her parents for a month.

I have wanted to take my kids to see grandma and grandpa but i still am not sure how the ex would take it. She has not wanted to take the kids to see her parents since the divorce and my boys have not seen their grandparents since March.

I planned on taking them before school started but the ex said she was going to take them but instead took the kids to meet her new boyfriend (which i could care less about) but i feel bad for her parents.

I asked my ex if she wanted the kids for Thanksgiving or X-Mas and she does not know. I am going to take a few weeks off from work during X-Mas to spend the Holidays with my kids while they are on break from school.

So i guess one of my questions is.....

Do i just spend time with my ex's folks and say heck with her feelings and not worry about it.

Do i wait and let her take the kids to see her parents?

I do not want my kids missing out on my Out-Laws and i know the Out-Laws really miss their grandkids. I have tried to make the entire divorce as easy on the kids as possible and I am very confident that I have did that thus far.

I think i have a good idea as to what i will do but I would like to get your input on this.

Thanks in advance for your comments.
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Sep 30, 2008 6:57 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bluepoint
bluepointbluepointzurich, Zurich Switzerland37 Threads 103 Posts
DEAR BIGDADDY007,HOLIDAY DONT HAVE TO BE HOLLY.DONT THINK TO MUCH.WHAT ABOUT YOU,WHERE ARE YOU IN THAT STORY?YOU ARE ALSO CHILD OF YOUR MOTHER,RELAX...CME BETTER DAYS...popcorn
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Sep 30, 2008 7:00 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
bluepoint: DEAR BIGDADDY007,HOLIDAY DONT HAVE TO BE HOLLY.DONT THINK TO MUCH.WHAT ABOUT YOU,WHERE ARE YOU IN THAT STORY?YOU ARE ALSO CHILD OF YOUR MOTHER,RELAX...CME BETTER DAYS...


Thanks for the advice. Bluepoint
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Sep 30, 2008 7:27 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
shipoker58
shipoker58shipoker58Las Vegas, Nevada USA35 Threads 4,332 Posts
Treat you inlaws as you always did. Treat the ex like the mother of your children. Great way to think all the time!!
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Sep 30, 2008 7:29 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
mylifewithu
mylifewithumylifewithuSpringfield, Missouri USA298 Threads 31,072 Posts
Yes take them to see their grandparents for the holidays, that is their family and thru your children they are your family also. Ignore what the ex says about it.
I took my children to see their grandmother for several years after the divorce especially around hollidays and all was great, until there dad remarried and that woman thru a fit about me coming there with the kids. Anyway my ex-mother-n-law and I talked about it and some hollidays I just dropped the kids off there.
Some hollidays later my kids just didn't want to go there if I couldn't go. So now that they have all grown up, their grandmother says she wishes she had just stood up to hers sons wife and said too bad that Lela is family and the mother of my grandkids.
So until there is a problem with the grandparents vs their daughter, and they will let you know but take your children to see their grandparents and some hollidays maybe the grandparents can let the kids stay over night and you pick them up the next day or something.handshake wine
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Sep 30, 2008 7:29 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada81 Threads 21,310 Posts
Dont worry about ur ex...

If the children miss the outlaws and the outlaws miss them..
then take them..

You do what you think is best for ur children...
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Sep 30, 2008 7:31 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
shipoker58: Treat you inlaws as you always did. Treat the ex like the mother of your children. Great way to think all the time!!


I agree but the ex gets pizzed and makes it hard on the kids if she feels we are stepping on her toes by being around her parents. She thinks its her job but she is not being fair to her folks. They miss their grand kids alot.

Thanks for the advice.
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Sep 30, 2008 7:33 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
kissmedeeply: Dont worry about ur ex...

If the children miss the outlaws and the outlaws miss them..
then take them..

You do what you think is best for ur children...


Thats the way i was thinking but I just want to do all i can to try to keep the seas calm between the ex and I so the kids don't get sea sick.

Thanks for the advice
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Sep 30, 2008 7:35 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada81 Threads 21,310 Posts
bigdaddy007: Thats the way i was thinking but I just want to do all i can to try to keep the seas calm between the ex and I so the kids don't get sea sick.

Thanks for the advice


I am sure things will be just fine...

You and her just think about the well being of the children

all the besthug
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Sep 30, 2008 7:36 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
mylifewithu: Yes take them to see their grandparents for the holidays, that is their family and thru your children they are your family also. Ignore what the ex says about it.
I took my children to see their grandmother for several years after the divorce especially around hollidays and all was great, until there dad remarried and that woman thru a fit about me coming there with the kids. Anyway my ex-mother-n-law and I talked about it and some hollidays I just dropped the kids off there.
Some hollidays later my kids just didn't want to go there if I couldn't go. So now that they have all grown up, their grandmother says she wishes she had just stood up to hers sons wife and said too bad that Lela is family and the mother of my grandkids.
So until there is a problem with the grandparents vs their daughter, and they will let you know but take your children to see their grandparents and some hollidays maybe the grandparents can let the kids stay over night and you pick them up the next day or something.


Thanks for the advice and that is the way i was thinking but was trying to keep calm seas...
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Sep 30, 2008 7:38 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
kissmedeeply: I am sure things will be just fine...

You and her just think about the well being of the children

all the best


Thanks i try to think about whats best for the kids all the time but it sometimes i wonder if she even worries about how they feel.

Thanks again
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Sep 30, 2008 7:39 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada81 Threads 21,310 Posts
bigdaddy007: Thanks i try to think about whats best for the kids all the time but it sometimes i wonder if she even worries about how they feel.

Thanks again


Well you cant worry always about what she feels/thinks..

Just do what is best for you and ur children..

and you are very welcome..

I have 2 boys of my own..so i know what you are talking about
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Sep 30, 2008 7:45 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
kissmedeeply: Well you cant worry always about what she feels/thinks..

Just do what is best for you and ur children..

and you are very welcome..

I have 2 boys of my own..so i know what you are talking about


thank you very much

handshake
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Sep 30, 2008 8:03 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada81 Threads 21,310 Posts
Your welcome..

best of luckhug
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Sep 30, 2008 8:04 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
Xtabentun
XtabentunXtabentunOntario, Canada28 Threads 2,372 Posts
You know, I think if I would get a divorce and my parents would not be able to see their grandkids any more, they would be devastated...regardless how it would be the relationship with the ex.

I am not in the situation but from outside, it seems the way you handled things so far is brilliant and you have great parenting instincts.

Sometimes being too nice can turn against you, so just look for what's best for the kids, and if your wife doesn't think the same, that's something between you and her to work out.

But having grandparents in your life is one of life's biggest blessing, and your kids will treasure the memories.
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Sep 30, 2008 8:07 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
druidess6308
druidess6308druidess6308Aliquippa, Pennsylvania USA99 Threads 20,283 Posts
shipoker58: Treat you inlaws as you always did. Treat the ex like the mother of your children. Great way to think all the time!!


Good advice, Ship.

Ditto...and be thankful you've got such a great relationship with all of them. Wish I did with mine...but then, we were barely civil when I was married to the family. sigh (Umm...second ex, father of my children...just to clarify for those who might be starting to count how many I've had. rolling on the floor laughing )
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Sep 30, 2008 8:14 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
Xtabentun: You know, I think if I would get a divorce and my parents would not be able to see their grandkids any more, they would be devastated...regardless how it would be the relationship with the ex.

I am not in the situation but from outside, it seems the way you handled things so far is brilliant and you have great parenting instincts.

Sometimes being too nice can turn against you, so just look for what's best for the kids, and if your wife doesn't think the same, that's something between you and her to work out.

But having grandparents in your life is one of life's biggest blessing, and your kids will treasure the memories.


thank you so much that is what i was thinking but i did not want to be a jerk in my thinking....sometimes i need to look at things from afar so i don't do things in spite....i would never want to do that.

Thanks for the advice
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Sep 30, 2008 8:22 PM CST Not sure how to handle Holidays
bigdaddy007
bigdaddy007bigdaddy007small town, South Dakota USA11 Threads 325 Posts
druidess6308: Good advice, Ship.

Ditto...and be thankful you've got such a great relationship with all of them. Wish I did with mine...but then, we were barely civil when I was married to the family. (Umm...second ex, father of my children...just to clarify for those who might be starting to count how many I've had. )


Thanks for the input....I am very lucky i still think of my out-law mother as my own mother...she is cool as heck
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