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How to read between the lines part 2 (30)

Oct 3, 2008 4:27 PM CST How to read between the lines part 2
phoenix
phoenixphoenixparis, Ile-de-France France103 Threads 4 Polls 5,247 Posts
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

ATTRACTIVE Plain. Everyone in online dating is 'attractive.' In the real world it means 'pleasant to look at' - in the internet-speak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth.

FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE Gutchurningly hideous. When he's not even claiming to be attractive, it's time to worry. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Calvin Klein model next to this guy. Meeting under the cover of darkness is advised.

TOLD ATTRACTIVE By my mother, the only woman I've every loved or am ever likely to.

RUGBY PLAYER'S BUILD One who retired 10 years ago. Stop thinking: Jonny Wilkinson. Start thinking: Johnny Vegas.


DISCRETION EXPECTED I'm married and don't want my wife to know.

DISCRETION OFFERED I don't care if you're married too.

HOPE YOU LIKE MY PICTURE Taken 10 years ago and bears no resemblance on now.

MODERN MAN We'll be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week. So unless you're a sure thing you pay for your own dinner.

NOT JUST LOOKING FOR SEX I am just looking for sex but hope you won't see through my cunning reverse psychology.

WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see.

ADVENTUROUS Pervert. He can turn anything into a double entendre. On a date he'll order graphically named cocktails and talk dirty with you over the garlic bread.

NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point.

GSOH (GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR) No sense of humour. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one.

EARNS A SIX-FIGURE SALARY Yes, he does. But he includes pence in that figure.

NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you're my first.

FUN AND ZANY Mental age of a 12-year-old. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.

LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.

5ft 10 5ft 7. It's safe to deduct three inches from any man claiming to be between 5ft 7 and 5ft 10.

SPORTY I watched the Olympics and play snooker for the local pub team.

UNIQUE Sex change. Best not to hang around long enough to find out whether it's pre op or post op.

NOT INTO EMAIL TENNIS I need to secure a date as soon as possible, before you suss out what a tedious dullard I am.

OLD FASHIONED Male chauvinist pig. A woman's place is in the home and, more precisely, the kitchen - preferably cooking his meals and elbow deep in his dirty shirts.

TRADITIONAL Patronising. He'll order for you in a restaurant and pat you on the bottom and say 'don't you worry your pretty head about it' when you ask him about his day.

MANLY Hairy. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture.

DISTINGUISHED Old. Speak slowly and clearly and always be within five minutes of a toilet. The good news is he travels for free and gets in half-price at the cinema.

INDEPENDENT Lying, cheating commitment-phobic scum.

UNCONVENTIONAL Insane. The sort of person you cross the road to avoid, even if the road is the M1 in the rushhour.

ASPIRATIONAL Broke. He has lofty ideas, but not a penny to his name. Expect early-bird specials on your date.

ROMANTIC Oily creep. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you 'babe' or 'sweetheart' because he can't remember your name.
Oct 3, 2008 5:50 PM CST How to read between the lines part 2
mike69spain
mike69spainmike69spainAlmuñécar, Andalusia Spain41 Threads 6 Polls 5,508 Posts
Was checking to see what I've used of the above....

For sure :
MODERN MAN
(We'll be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week. So unless you're a sure thing you pay for your own dinner.)
Could very well be me dunno

NOT JUST LOOKING FOR SEX
(I am just looking for sex but hope you won't see through my cunning reverse psychology.)
Error laugh

WILLING TO TRAVEL
Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see.
Error again. Well, no, we did fight cat fleas here for a while. So, well....

LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT
Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.
Oh, yes, that's me. rolling on the floor laughing My thinking was - many too shy to dare a contact, erase that issue and maybe anyway... laugh

INDEPENDENT
Lying, cheating commitment-phobic scum.
Errorscold

Interesting.
Oct 3, 2008 6:31 PM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
We should leave them blank....
Oct 3, 2008 6:55 PM CST How to read between the lines part 2
mike69spain
mike69spainmike69spainAlmuñécar, Andalusia Spain41 Threads 6 Polls 5,508 Posts
Sommerauer71: We should leave them blank....


Or maybe "en blanco"
Oct 5, 2008 3:42 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
lisalee1960
lisalee1960lisalee1960st pauls, Majjistral Malta9 Threads 260 Posts
this is more like it,now all these i agree with
Oct 5, 2008 4:02 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
no1brightongirl
no1brightongirlno1brightongirlbrighton, East Sussex, England UK15 Threads 286 Posts
its all so true,phoenix we miss you in the uk forums
Oct 5, 2008 4:04 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
Morning Cath...

I have had the most amazing message off a person that I cannot simplybring myself to discuss it...
Oct 5, 2008 4:05 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta249 Threads 28 Polls 18,518 Posts
Spill the beans babe...make my day...


rolling on the floor laughing


Sommerauer71: Morning Cath...

I have had the most amazing message off a person that I cannot simplybring myself to discuss it...
Oct 5, 2008 4:09 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta249 Threads 28 Polls 18,518 Posts
Why oh why have I not read this thread before!!??....this is bloody perfect!!!..hahahahahaha......all true...I am going to immediately delete all references in my profile with the words "Traditional, Distinguished, Romantic, and Hope You LIke My Picture"....

oh oh..this is so good...thank you Phoenix!!!.....


rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Post of the Week Award....


applause
Oct 5, 2008 4:15 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
Lagoona22: Spill the beans babe...make my day...



I cannot stop looking at it, it is that ridiculous.

I was prowling as I do sometimes, not often, but I do like to read profiles, and Friday I came across this guy who wanted and I quote: 'A tender, loving sex slave'

So I grin and thought, I would typing to him.

I sent a simple message, in my warm, kind way: 'Tender loving sex slave hum?

And his response well, apparently, he has looked at my profile, I am a child, I need to be shown what love is (which he has got a point) that I am begging for love and i need to read a hundred books, and that I am proud of things that I should be ashamed of.

Amongst other things that he would have to love me for a long time, for me to understand him, and that he is very clever and do I know what theological faith is?
Anyway I have written back to him, in a nice way, being kind, gentle and warm. I am fascinated by his response and need him to explain further.

Truly, I am astonished.
Oct 5, 2008 4:16 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
ERM, why has my profile picture changed?
Oct 5, 2008 4:19 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta249 Threads 28 Polls 18,518 Posts
Yeah...you're like me...I love reading profiles, and cannot refrain from writing to weird and unusual people who fascinate me...you'd be surprised at some of the zany characters that you "meet"!!...life is stranger than fiction, I swear!!....

Sex slave??!!...ooh err!!...now that's an idea!!...

::changingprofileemoticon::


laugh


Sommerauer71: I cannot stop looking at it, it is that ridiculous.

I was prowling as I do sometimes, not often, but I do like to read profiles, and Friday I came across this guy who wanted and I quote: 'A tender, loving sex slave'

So I and thought, I would to him.

I sent a simple message, in my warm, kind way: 'Tender loving sex slave hum?

And his response well, apparently, he has looked at my profile, I am a child, I need to be shown what love is (which he has got a point) that I am begging for love and i need to read a hundred books, and that I am proud of things that I should be ashamed of.

Amongst other things that he would have to love me for a long time, for me to understand him, and that he is very clever and do I know what theological faith is?
Anyway I have written back to him, in a nice way, being kind, gentle and warm. I am fascinated by his response and need him to explain further.

Truly, I am astonished.
Oct 5, 2008 4:21 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
Well, I think the mods have altered my picture, they did not like Leo's version.

Apologies to the long suffering mods.
Oct 11, 2008 7:08 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
fellanadedeneba
fellanadedenebafellanadedenebaDuesseldorf, Nordrhein-Westfalen Germany3 Threads 49 Posts
phoenix: WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN

ATTRACTIVE Plain. Everyone in online dating is 'attractive.' In the real world it means 'pleasant to look at' - in the internet-speak it means: two eyes, two ears and a mouth.

FAIRLY ATTRACTIVE Gutchurningly hideous. When he's not even claiming to be attractive, it's time to worry. Andrew Lloyd Webber will look like a Calvin Klein model next to this guy. Meeting under the cover of darkness is advised.

TOLD ATTRACTIVE By my mother, the only woman I've every loved or am ever likely to.

RUGBY PLAYER'S BUILD One who retired 10 years ago. Stop thinking: Jonny Wilkinson. Start thinking: Johnny Vegas.DISCRETION EXPECTED I'm married and don't want my wife to know.

DISCRETION OFFERED I don't care if you're married too.

HOPE YOU LIKE MY PICTURE Taken 10 years ago and bears no resemblance on now.

MODERN MAN We'll be splitting the bill 50/50. I go on three of these internet dates a week. So unless you're a sure thing you pay for your own dinner.

NOT JUST LOOKING FOR SEX I am just looking for sex but hope you won't see through my cunning reverse psychology.

WILLING TO TRAVEL Lives in a filthy flea-ridden hovel that he can't possibly let you see.

ADVENTUROUS Pervert. He can turn anything into a double entendre. On a date he'll order graphically named cocktails and talk dirty with you over the garlic bread.

NORMAL KIND OF GUY Normal in a Norman Bates kind of way. Normality should be a given, so run a mile from anyone selling it as a good point.

GSOH (GOOD SENSE OF HUMOUR) No sense of humour. The golden rule of internet dating is that anyone who feels obliged to mention they have a sense of humour is usually devoid of one.

EARNS A SIX-FIGURE SALARY Yes, he does. But he includes pence in that figure.

NEVER DONE THIS Have done this a thousand times before, but I'm too embarrassed to admit it, so will pretend that you're my first.

FUN AND ZANY Mental age of a 12-year-old. Your date will be a riot of whoopee cushions, itching powder and fake-dogpoo-filled fun.

LOOKS NOT IMPORTANT Barrel-scraping beggar who can't afford to be a chooser.

5ft 10 5ft 7. It's safe to deduct three inches from any man claiming to be between 5ft 7 and 5ft 10.

SPORTY I watched the Olympics and play snooker for the local pub team.

UNIQUE Sex change. Best not to hang around long enough to find out whether it's pre op or post op.

NOT INTO EMAIL TENNIS I need to secure a date as soon as possible, before you suss out what a tedious dullard I am.

OLD FASHIONED Male chauvinist pig. A woman's place is in the home and, more precisely, the kitchen - preferably cooking his meals and elbow deep in his dirty shirts.

TRADITIONAL Patronising. He'll order for you in a restaurant and pat you on the bottom and say 'don't you worry your pretty head about it' when you ask him about his day.

MANLY Hairy. Only to be pursued if you like men who moult all over your furniture.

DISTINGUISHED Old. Speak slowly and clearly and always be within five minutes of a toilet. The good news is he travels for free and gets in half-price at the cinema.

INDEPENDENT Lying, cheating commitment-phobic scum.

UNCONVENTIONAL Insane. The sort of person you cross the road to avoid, even if the road is the M1 in the rushhour.

ASPIRATIONAL Broke. He has lofty ideas, but not a penny to his name. Expect early-bird specials on your date.

ROMANTIC Oily creep. The flowers come from the garage forecourt and he calls you 'babe' or 'sweetheart' because he can't remember your name.
Oct 11, 2008 7:13 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
fellanadedeneba
fellanadedenebafellanadedenebaDuesseldorf, Nordrhein-Westfalen Germany3 Threads 49 Posts
ur sooo right, exactly, Bonjour, u speak out of my heart and analize, what I analize while reading between the lines, too
banana hug
Oct 11, 2008 7:15 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
rusty_knight
rusty_knightrusty_knightGozo, Malta254 Threads 4 Polls 10,684 Posts
A friend is coming over from Malta to Gozo to see me this afternoon.

She's a friend - I don't give a monkey's if people perceive her as being attractive or not...... a friend is a friend and I'm honoured somebody is bothering to come over and see me!


thumbsup: grin

(actually she is a very attractive woman, but I'm taken so there!)

conversing help
Oct 11, 2008 9:05 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
lascar100
lascar100lascar100Luxembourg Ville, Luxembourg Luxembourg33 Posts
Men say that they like (or love) the hair of a woman, their eyes, their mouth, their hands, their neck, their poise and so on...... then it all comes down to the stretched arms and legs, heavy breathing, pounding and thrusting.

Nary a pause to gaze at the eyes...gnite
Oct 11, 2008 9:33 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Sommerauer71
Sommerauer71Sommerauer71Salzburg, Austria164 Threads 4 Polls 19,249 Posts
rusty_knight: A friend is coming over from Malta to Gozo to see me this afternoon.

She's a friend - I don't give a monkey's if people perceive her as being attractive or not...... a friend is a friend and I'm honoured somebody is bothering to come over and see me!thumbsup:

(actually she is a very attractive woman, but I'm taken so there!)



You are my subject today...

Why do you feel the need to state that she is attractive?

Why do you feel the need to state that you are taken, we know you are...

Like people who say they are honest, faithful, decent, lovely...

A flower never tells you it is beautiful, it just is...

Sorry, I am on a mission today...
Oct 11, 2008 9:35 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Mirodenia
MirodeniaMirodeniaNew York City, New York USA61 Threads 8 Polls 2,387 Posts
Sommerauer71: You are my subject today...

Why do you feel the need to state that she is attractive?

Why do you feel the need to state that you are taken, we know you are...

Like people who say they are honest, faithful, decent, lovely...

A flower never tells you it is beautiful, it just is...

Sorry, I am on a mission today...



rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
Oct 11, 2008 9:40 AM CST How to read between the lines part 2
Lagoona22
Lagoona22Lagoona22Bugibba, Majjistral Malta249 Threads 28 Polls 18,518 Posts
Be scared....very scared...


motorcycle hole


Sommerauer71: You are my subject today...
Sorry, I am on a mission today...
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by phoenix (103 Threads)
Created: Oct 2008
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