Child Support (23)
I'm sure you missed out on things in order to still give her all you could, despite not getting his help. therefore at least most of the money should be yours, but I personally would giv her some too- if you got a decent sum from him.
I hate how parents sometimes let the child be the victim of their relationship not working- how can he let his daughter not have the things she needs
I hate how parents sometimes let the child be the victim of their relationship not working- how can he let his daughter not have the things she needs
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sweetowen: I have a question. My ex is very behind in his child support payments. My daughter is actually now 21. Even though she's an adult, he still does & always owe that child support. Domestic Relations barely went after him for it when she was younger & I really needed it. Now, they are constantly putting him in jail for it... which I'm NOT arguing about!
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Well i would split it..
The father of mine has not payed ever...
but i wont fight it..i leave it welll enough alone...
My child is happy and healthy..and dont want this on his shoulders..
all the batteling and fighting..
but i am sure you will know what to do hun
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sweetowen: I have a question. My ex is very behind in his child support payments. My daughter is actually now 21. Even though she's an adult, he still does & always owe that child support. Domestic Relations barely went after him for it when she was younger & I really needed it. Now, they are constantly putting him in jail for it... which I'm NOT arguing about!
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
You paid to support her for all of those years, had to do without many things to give her the best you could.
look at it as replacing what you have already put into it. return on a loan if you will.
but to give her part would be a good gesture. but not a duty.
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there are two schools of thought, A. the money if you get it was ment to help with the cost of raising your daughter, you have aparently spent the money to provide what she needed through the years, therefore it is owed to you. B. you could use it for the betterment of your daughter in some way, if she hasnt finished college, needs help starting in life. in the end it comes down to what you and only you feel is right.
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I think you need to use it for whatever you think is right. Since you supported her with little help from her father you would be justified in keeping it for yourself. But, I think you might want to set up a fund for any emergencies she may have. You could keep half and save half. That way if a real need arose you would be able to help her.
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HI,
My mom and I are in that very same position. It took YEARS for my mom to get the state my father lives in to work with the attorneys, etc to start getting all of the back child support that my father owes. it finally happened about 6 years ago and she gets a check monthly that she splits with me. I use that money to take care of my son!
Good luck to you!
My mom and I are in that very same position. It took YEARS for my mom to get the state my father lives in to work with the attorneys, etc to start getting all of the back child support that my father owes. it finally happened about 6 years ago and she gets a check monthly that she splits with me. I use that money to take care of my son!
Good luck to you!
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sweetowen: I have a question. My ex is very behind in his child support payments. My daughter is actually now 21. Even though she's an adult, he still does & always owe that child support. Domestic Relations barely went after him for it when she was younger & I really needed it. Now, they are constantly putting him in jail for it... which I'm NOT arguing about!
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
It's yours, kiddo. You already put the money out for everything she needed which he was supposed to pay part of. Don't think I'd give it to her as, if she's like most kids today, she'd blow it on things. Maybe stick it away for her college? JMO
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You will do as your heart tells you is best for all, but my personal opinion here is that You should take whatever the bulk of this settlement is to recoup any lost finances that curretly put you behind the eight-ball. Never minding the past as those days are done and you had the companionship of your daughter to balance against whatever monies were lacking.
Put your curret finances in the green.
Take the remainder and do something with your daughter, like a trip or something special for just the two of you.
Split whatever remains with her as an education or starter fund and a nest egg for yourself.
He is her father but the money would have supported the family not just your daughter. She would have been in a terrible place had she money and no mother as well. You deserve some portion of that for raising her.
JMO
Put your curret finances in the green.
Take the remainder and do something with your daughter, like a trip or something special for just the two of you.
Split whatever remains with her as an education or starter fund and a nest egg for yourself.
He is her father but the money would have supported the family not just your daughter. She would have been in a terrible place had she money and no mother as well. You deserve some portion of that for raising her.
JMO
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Mixed feelings from me.....
Child support is for the child. Yet you paid your own money to provide for her.
While I am sure you gave her all you could, she surely had to have missed out on some things because the money just wasn't there.
Your daughter is an adult now. Ever think of asking her what she thought?
Child support is for the child. Yet you paid your own money to provide for her.
While I am sure you gave her all you could, she surely had to have missed out on some things because the money just wasn't there.
Your daughter is an adult now. Ever think of asking her what she thought?
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DazzleYou: Mixed feelings from me.....
Child support is for the child. Yet you paid your own money to provide for her.
While I am sure you gave her all you could, she surely had to have missed out on some things because the money just wasn't there.
Your daughter is an adult now. Ever think of asking her what she thought?
Child support is for the child. Yet you paid your own money to provide for her.
While I am sure you gave her all you could, she surely had to have missed out on some things because the money just wasn't there.
Your daughter is an adult now. Ever think of asking her what she thought?
Yes, we've talked about it. I'm pretty sure I'd split it with her. It seems the only fair thing to do. But I'm still interested in others' opinions on this. Thanks for your input!!
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sweetowen: Yes, we've talked about it. I'm pretty sure I'd split it with her. It seems the only fair thing to do. But I'm still interested in others' opinions on this. Thanks for your input!!
Well it was meant to be spent on things for your daughter yes...but because you didn't have it...you provided what she needed by yourself...so I would look at it as a reimbursement....
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sweetowen: I have a question. My ex is very behind in his child support payments. My daughter is actually now 21. Even though she's an adult, he still does & always owe that child support. Domestic Relations barely went after him for it when she was younger & I really needed it. Now, they are constantly putting him in jail for it... which I'm NOT arguing about!
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
It just kills me to see a woman stressing over such a small issue!
You can spend it on me!! stress gone.
Glad I could help!
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sweetowen: I have a question. My ex is very behind in his child support payments. My daughter is actually now 21. Even though she's an adult, he still does & always owe that child support. Domestic Relations barely went after him for it when she was younger & I really needed it. Now, they are constantly putting him in jail for it... which I'm NOT arguing about!
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.
JMO, I would half it with her...or at bare minimum, give her a percentage...
I can relate...I never received child support from my son's dad...it would have been nice, and helped...but like you, we made it...
Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Whatever you do, don't accept any money from him personally. My ex decided he didn't want to pay thru the court and paid me directly. I needed the money so I accepted it. I kept records but of course the court had no records. The court then decided that he didn't have to pay thru them. He then paid me when he wanted to and I didn't have a leg to stand on.[
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newinsouth: Whatever you do, don't accept any money from him personally. My ex decided he didn't want to pay thru the court and paid me directly. I needed the money so I accepted it. I kept records but of course the court had no records. The court then decided that he didn't have to pay thru them. He then paid me when he wanted to and I didn't have a leg to stand on.[
Ya know, my ex rarely communicates with our daughter. But this last time they put him in, he wrote to her saying how much he loves & misses her & her boys. He was all gushy & lovey-dovey. Then he asked her to talk to me about dropping the charges! Of course, I KNEW he was going to do this. It was no surprise to me. However, I don't think he realizes that I washed my hands of him years ago & it's not ME putting him in there! Domestic Relations is doing it without me! As I said before, more power to them! My daughter just laughed & shrugged it off. She's at the point, sad as it is, that she now calls him by his first name. She refuses to call him "Dad". She says he was never a dad to her. Sad....
One more note... being as she was the only grandchild for several years on my side, my parents helped out tremendously with her. But my dear mother has since passed away, leaving just my stepfather. Should I give some to him? Or should I consider their contributions a gift?
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rasgumby: It just kills me to see a woman stressing over such a small issue!
You can spend it on me!! stress gone.
Glad I could help!
You can spend it on me!! stress gone.
Glad I could help!
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sweetowen: Ya know, my ex rarely communicates with our daughter. But this last time they put him in, he wrote to her saying how much he loves & misses her & her boys. He was all gushy & lovey-dovey. Then he asked her to talk to me about dropping the charges! Of course, I KNEW he was going to do this. It was no surprise to me. However, I don't think he realizes that I washed my hands of him years ago & it's not ME putting him in there! Domestic Relations is doing it without me! As I said before, more power to them! My daughter just laughed & shrugged it off. She's at the point, sad as it is, that she now calls him by his first name. She refuses to call him "Dad". She says he was never a dad to her. Sad....
One more note... being as she was the only grandchild for several years on my side, my parents helped out tremendously with her. But my dear mother has since passed away, leaving just my stepfather. Should I give some to him? Or should I consider their contributions a gift?
I would hes a little to late,The money belongs to u,but I would be like u give her some of it.One more note... being as she was the only grandchild for several years on my side, my parents helped out tremendously with her. But my dear mother has since passed away, leaving just my stepfather. Should I give some to him? Or should I consider their contributions a gift?
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sweetowen:
One more note... being as she was the only grandchild for several years on my side, my parents helped out tremendously with her. But my dear mother has since passed away, leaving just my stepfather. Should I give some to him? Or should I consider their contributions a gift?
One more note... being as she was the only grandchild for several years on my side, my parents helped out tremendously with her. But my dear mother has since passed away, leaving just my stepfather. Should I give some to him? Or should I consider their contributions a gift?
Sometimes the older generations could use some help but even if your stepfather doesn't I would find some way to show him your appreciation for what he and your mother did.
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Someone said earlier that child support was for the child. That basic statement is incorrect. That would be like giving the money directly to the child for them to do whatever with.
Child support is actually to assist the parent in providing shelter, food, clothes, etc. for the child. And generally anything like activities (recreational sports teams) and school stuff is usually split between the parents above & beyond the child support.
So having been there myself and paying for activities that the boys wanted to do & their father didn't agree to I'd be of the opinion that any money you recoup now would be for you since you obviously put your daughter first and provided for her needs before your own.
On the other hand, you could use some of that to help out your daughter (parents are wonderful for doing this as yours helped you out & mine continue to help me). So although "technically" the money is yours do whatever you want with it.
I'm glad to hear you're finally getting some restitution. I think my outstanding spousal support is what is now keeping my ex away (he wants reimbursement for a decision he made regarding my youngest son without any input from me)....what he owes me for spousal support is more than what I "owe" him.
So enjoy doing whatever with the money you recover
Child support is actually to assist the parent in providing shelter, food, clothes, etc. for the child. And generally anything like activities (recreational sports teams) and school stuff is usually split between the parents above & beyond the child support.
So having been there myself and paying for activities that the boys wanted to do & their father didn't agree to I'd be of the opinion that any money you recoup now would be for you since you obviously put your daughter first and provided for her needs before your own.
On the other hand, you could use some of that to help out your daughter (parents are wonderful for doing this as yours helped you out & mine continue to help me). So although "technically" the money is yours do whatever you want with it.
I'm glad to hear you're finally getting some restitution. I think my outstanding spousal support is what is now keeping my ex away (he wants reimbursement for a decision he made regarding my youngest son without any input from me)....what he owes me for spousal support is more than what I "owe" him.
So enjoy doing whatever with the money you recover
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Now here's the question...
If/when he ever pays the back child support, do I
A) Keep it, figuring it is owed to ME. After all, I footed the bill all those years while she was growing up.
B) Split it with her. After all, he is her father & the money was paid for her.
C) Give it all to her. He's her father & the money was meant for her, not me.
I'm pretty sure what I would do, but want to hear your opinions on this.