Setting Boundaries (18)

I remember that part, that my ex had no problems what so ever, grrrr.
That was when he only had them in the weekends....

Stick to your rules. They are your rules and they live in your house so they should live by your rules.
M is for Mom not for Maid!!! Saw that on a t-shirt the other day, I like it!!

I think you have to remember that many people parent in a style that is not in the best interest of the child, but in their own best interest; When together, my ex was very disengaged as a parent, and has now taken on the role as peer/buddy; to the extent that he allowed a then 11 yr. old to smoke and provided him with such, because it made the "kid happy" - this is just ONE example of the lack of boundaries. I didn't have the energy to fight with the older child, he went to live with Dad - result, he is almost 17, no job, quite school with a grade 8. Both my sons resent my rules, expectations, boundaries etc. and are very verbally abusive to me - and very disrespectful to most authority. I fought tooth and effing nail for the youngest and continue to do so. He has Conduct disorder so is very oppositional to authority - yep, ME. Dad isn't authority, cuz he doesn't show any. Is it hard, damn right it is ... but I have the responsibility as a parent to do whatever I can that is in the best interests of my child. Sometimes, the best, most logical and rational thing is the most difficult to do. This is just my humble but very battered opinion.
I tried the whole co-parenting thing and would suggest that if you can do this with your ex, do it. I wrote a proposal to his lawyer, leaving no stone unturned, whereby there would be CONSISTENCY AND VERY SIMILAR STRUCTURE AND EXPECTATIONS in both homes. That is what is best for the kids and it significantly shuts the door on the manipulation that they all figure out real quick. My lawyer was very impressed and suggested I market this proposal...my ex? refused, because it didn't meet his needs...and it would require communication between he and I (which now I know would have been real bad).
NO MATTER WHAT, PARENTING IS THE HARDEST JOB IN THE WORLD AND OFTEN THE MOST UNAPPRECIATED!!!

lol im a singl full tme dad so kno waht yor talking about in hear i have my 11 yer old sun for the last 5 yers and my ex takes him when she can she works 2 jobs ? i dont get that as she hs a bf o well and some times once a week some times twice her shegewell is speratick i triy to acomadate her but i feel its not to her satisfakshon i get chewd on qwite often by her but i wold not change or give up on my sun i am his father and he is with me and im prowd and love hime very mutch as eney perent wold and as for rools and gide lines as long as it dosent case perminint damige or hert them moraly or mently its good but your childron will love you and respekt you for beaing ferm and fear with your rools dont wory about yor ex be awnest and ferm and fear most of all love them and be ther when thay fall as you alwase have bean as i sence you are a grate mother with too mutch hart step back look at them listin think then say it not yell it as thay dont hear you when yelling good luck sweety tc

Thanks Walley...I appreciate the words of encouragment

I like that "M is for Mom not for Maid"....I LIKE THAT

Ange I really resent that my ex (and his girlfriend) are so proud to go out with the girls because they are so well behaved and respectful...they are also brilliant, and they love to spout off at their accomplishments to their friends and family (remember my oldest daughter graduated valedictorian this past year)...
He is not getting that i am resentful because its my hard work, my sleepless nights and rivers of tears that are going into keeping those girls line...and he is not being helpful by offering a "playhouse" to them every other weekend! His "give it a few days it'll blow over" is part of the problem, not part of the solution....he doesn't get that nothing gets resolved unless it is dealt with...
I also know that if they visit him during the week for supper, if they get into sibling fights...he puts them in the car and drops them home here for me to handle....

They work. It's easier said than done, but worth it.

The parent that set boundaries etc, will make teenagers, or younger act up and treat you as the ex has shown them.

Stick with it, because it is worth it. I can almost guarantee 95%, they will respect you later when they are an adult.

I have seen it with friends kids, mine (now grown up), and the former foster kids that have grown up, and come back to visit my parents. They hated when they were younger, but appreciate it now.


Parenting is not easy, give yourselves credit for doing your best for your child, and what makes you feel better, (or is easiest).

OOP typo..