I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect.... ( Archived) (57)

Oct 19, 2008 2:21 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
I'm perfectly not suited to you, or you.... even you.... not even your worst friend.... not even your mother-in-law.....

So now I'm simply here to make as many of you laugh as possible.............

Whooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:27 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
MysticErf
MysticErfMysticErfTampa, Florida USA7 Threads 1 Polls 166 Posts
Hey Mr. Perfect, I'm Mr. Right... how's it going? Still alone too?

moping
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:30 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
MysticErf: Hey Mr. Perfect, I'm Mr. Right... how's it going? Still alone too?


dude............ grab a beer..........it's gonna be a long nightbuddies
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:32 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA262 Threads 10 Polls 7,077 Posts
stooie1971: I'm perfectly not suited to you, or you.... even you.... not even your worst friend.... not even your mother-in-law.....

So now I'm simply here to make as many of you laugh as possible.............

Whooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo







rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:34 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
[/quote

Hee, hee Dan....................


Thought I raise a few pulses with this one cheers
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:41 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
I am still Perfectly happy and contentwave
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:41 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Cough cough choke.rolling on the floor laughing tongue
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:42 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
MysticErf
MysticErfMysticErfTampa, Florida USA7 Threads 1 Polls 166 Posts
stooie1971: dude............ grab a beer..........it's gonna be a long night


I hear ya, morning never seems to arrive buddies
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:44 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
somechick: Cough cough choke.


:: stooie pat's Anna's back........ you okay chuck? ::
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:45 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
MysticErf: I hear ya, morning never seems to arrive


Dude................ I love the morning.... I can go fishing... just as the sun rises....


Whooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooo
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:46 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan
The_KansanThe_KansanKnoxville, Tennessee USA303 Threads 1 Polls 3,395 Posts
stooie1971: I'm perfectly not suited to you, or you.... even you.... not even your worst friend.... not even your mother-in-law.....

So now I'm simply here to make as many of you laugh as possible.............

Whooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo



...And then there was the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart...



And the six year old that went crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."


Or... What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.


typing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:49 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan: ...And then there was the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart...
And the six year old that went crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...

"Now she knows."Or... What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.




rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing Oh shoot, now my eyes are watering from laughing.
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:53 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
Okay Kansan

Why did the blonde stare at the Orange juice carton?


It said 'Concentrate'

Whoooooooooooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooooooo
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:54 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan
The_KansanThe_KansanKnoxville, Tennessee USA303 Threads 1 Polls 3,395 Posts
somechick: Oh shoot, now my eyes are watering from laughing.


Glad to help, Anna -

I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?


A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Sam is dead!”

cowboy
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:56 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
The_Kansan: Glad to help, Anna -

I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Sam is dead!”



:: stooie is wiping beer off his screen :::

rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:59 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain116 Threads 3 Polls 2,672 Posts
A new takeaway restaurant (take home food) has recently opened close to me

I called them up the other night and asked 'Do you deliver?'

The young fella said 'No.... we do lamb, chicken and fish'

Ba-Boom.... tish... tish
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 2:59 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan
The_KansanThe_KansanKnoxville, Tennessee USA303 Threads 1 Polls 3,395 Posts
Hey Stooie...

Got an old grampa or grandma a little out of shape? Are you an old fart wanting to lift weights but don’t know where to start? Never fear, the Kansan is here! Follow along while we whip you into great condition!

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)










After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

professor
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 3:00 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan: Glad to help, Anna -

I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.

“Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Sam is dead!”



Next I'll pee my pants. Oh lordy help.rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 3:02 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
The_Kansan
The_KansanThe_KansanKnoxville, Tennessee USA303 Threads 1 Polls 3,395 Posts
somechick: Next I'll pee my pants. Oh lordy help.


Maybe this'll help:


Cohen and Levy were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. “Cohen,” asked Levy, “Are there any Jews in Mexico?”

I don’t know,” Levy replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”

When the waiter came by, Levy asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”

“I do not know sir, I ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Mexican Jews.”

“Are you sure?” Levy asked.

“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.

While he was still gone, Cohen said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.”

When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Mexican Jews.”

“Are you really sure?” Levy asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews.”

“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, grape Jews, tomato Jews and prune Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!”

grin
------ This thread is Archived ------
Oct 19, 2008 3:02 PM CST I've Decided................I'm Mr Perfect....
kissmedeeply
kissmedeeplykissmedeeplyPetitcodiac, New Brunswick Canada70 Threads 15,139 Posts
stooie1971: I'm perfectly not suited to you, or you.... even you.... not even your worst friend.... not even your mother-in-law.....

So now I'm simply here to make as many of you laugh as possible.............

Whooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
scold roll eyes
------ This thread is Archived ------
Post Comment - Post a comment on this Forum Thread

This Thread is Archived

This Thread is archived, so you will no longer be able to post to it. Threads get archived automatically when they are older than 3 months.

« Go back to All Threads
Message #318

Stats for this Thread

1,400 Views
56 Comments
by stooie1971 (116 Threads)
Created: Oct 2008
Last Viewed: 2 hrs ago
Last Commented: Oct 2008

Share this Thread

We use cookies to ensure that you have the best experience possible on our website. Read Our Privacy Policy Here