The_Kansan: ...And then there was the blind skunk who fell in love with a fart... And the six year old that went crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows."Or... What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?
Well, the light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.
somechick: Oh shoot, now my eyes are watering from laughing.
Glad to help, Anna -
I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.
I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.
Got an old grampa or grandma a little out of shape? Are you an old fart wanting to lift weights but don’t know where to start? Never fear, the Kansan is here! Follow along while we whip you into great condition!
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level.)
After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.
I suppose you heard about Mr. Sam?A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.
Cohen and Levy were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. “Cohen,” asked Levy, “Are there any Jews in Mexico?”
I don’t know,” Levy replied. “Why don’t we ask the waiter?”
When the waiter came by, Levy asked him, “Are there any Mexican Jews?”
“I do not know sir, I ask,” the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, “No, sir. No Mexican Jews.”
“Are you sure?” Levy asked.
“I will check again, sir.” the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.
While he was still gone, Cohen said, “I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere.”
When the waiter returned he said, “Sir, no Mexican Jews.”
“Are you really sure?” Levy asked again. “I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews.”
“Sir, I ask everyone,” the waiter replied exasperated. “We have orange Jews, grape Jews, tomato Jews and prune Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!”
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So now I'm simply here to make as many of you laugh as possible.............
Whooooooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo