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Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy ( Archived) (18)

Oct 25, 2008 10:37 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain131 Threads 3 Polls 3,571 Posts
Did you ever hear the one about the paranoid dyslexic? He always thought he was following someone.

Shouldn't the Air and Space Museum be empty?

What was the elephant doing on the highway? About 10 Kmh.

Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because C-shells are to small and D-shells are to large.

What did the big candle say to the young candle? You're too young to go out!

How can you tell when you're getting old? When you go to an auction and four people start to bid on you!

What do you get a 500 pound gorilla for his birthday? I don't know, but you'd better be sure he likes it!

Why was the pointy-eared guy down in the dumps? He had low elf-esteem.

What do you get to call a store that sells shoes and also offers Karate lessons? Chop Shooey!

How do you keep cool at a football game? Stand next to a FAN.

Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.

How can you tell if the elephant is about to charge? He asks if you accept Visa.

Where do vampires learn to suck blood? Law School.

What does the teacher call Santa's little helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

What do you call a lost diamond ring lost in a golf course? A diamond in the rough.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a prostitute? A 16,000 pound whore that lays for peanuts.

Anybody hear about the thieves who stole a calendar? They both got six months each.

Why is Cinderella bad at sports? Imagine having a pumpkin as your coach, wouldn't you run away from the ball?

A rabbit and duck went out to dinner, who paid? The duck, he had the bill.

What do you get when you cross a snake, a rabbit and an amoeba? An adder who can multiply and divide.

What do you get when two silkworms go on a race? They end up in a tie.

Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? So he could be polyunsaturated.

Did you ever hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school? He was accused of buttering up his teacher.

How would you analyze financially a fortune-teller who isn't doing too good? You're not making much of a prophet.

Why is a hospital gown similar to health insurance? Because your never as covered as you think you are.

Did you hear about the two podiatrists who opened offices on the same street? They were arch-enemies.

What do you call a blonde with 80% of her intelligence gone? Divorced.

Why do cats hate flying saucers? Because they can't get to the milk, silly.

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it and the rich need it and if you eat it you die? 'Nothing'

What is the difference between a large cheese pizza and a poker player? The pizza can feed a family of four!
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Oct 25, 2008 10:40 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA319 Threads 14 Polls 9,166 Posts
doh doh laugh
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Oct 25, 2008 10:45 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
rolling on the floor laughing stooie you're on a roll today. That must've been some date you were on.I'm so happy for you.
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Oct 25, 2008 10:46 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain131 Threads 3 Polls 3,571 Posts
somechick: stooie you're on a roll today. That must've been some date you were on.I'm so happy for you.


Glad you like them!!!!!!

and thanks had a great evening hug
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Oct 25, 2008 10:48 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
1. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?

2. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

3. How did a fool and his money get together?

4. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

5. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

6. What's another word for thesaurus?

7. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

8. What do they use to ship styrofoam?

9. Why is abbreviation such a long word?

10. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

11. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

12. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

13. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

15. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

16. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

17. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

18. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

20. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

21. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

22. Is it possible to be totally partial?

23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

25. Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

26. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

27. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

28. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

29. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

30. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

31. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

32. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

33. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

34. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

35. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

36. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

37. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
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Oct 25, 2008 10:51 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA319 Threads 14 Polls 9,166 Posts
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 25, 2008 10:53 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain131 Threads 3 Polls 3,571 Posts
somechick: 1. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty liter?

2. If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

3. How did a fool and his money get together?

4. How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

5. If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

6. What's another word for thesaurus?

7. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

8. What do they use to ship styrofoam?

9. Why is abbreviation such a long word?

10. Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?

11. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

12. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

13. When you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

14. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

15. Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?

16. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

17. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

18. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

19. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

20. What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

21. Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

22. Is it possible to be totally partial?

23. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

24. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

25. Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

26. Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

27. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

28. Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

29. If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?

30. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

31. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

32. When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

33. Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

34. If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

35. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

36. When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

37. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?



thumbs up doh grin wine
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Oct 25, 2008 11:34 AM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
roseofsharon
roseofsharonroseofsharonmanchester, Hampshire, England UK70 Threads 3 Polls 11,702 Posts
"What do you call a blonde with 80% of her intelligence gone? Divorced."


Ermmm... excuse me??!! jaw drop

scold

tongue

rolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 25, 2008 12:18 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Confusious one liners...

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who breaks wind in church sits in own pew.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
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Oct 25, 2008 12:22 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema
MoemaMoemaBrasilia, Distrito Federal Brazil58 Threads 5 Polls 1,054 Posts
Speaking of midgets, do they die?
I´ve never seen a midget´s funeral.
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Oct 25, 2008 12:24 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema: Speaking of midgets, do they die?
I´ve never seen a midget´s funeral.



I haven't either but I know some very small who aren't midgets.laugh
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Oct 25, 2008 12:24 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
stooie1971
stooie1971stooie1971Las America's, Canary Islands Spain131 Threads 3 Polls 3,571 Posts
somechick: Confusious one liners...

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who breaks wind in church sits in own pew.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.



Brilliant rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing

Man who go to bed with itchy bum wake up with smelly finger

sorry rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 25, 2008 12:25 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Dknew
DknewDknewBarrington, New Hampshire USA319 Threads 14 Polls 9,166 Posts
somechick: Confusious one liners...

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches backside should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who breaks wind in church sits in own pew.

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.





rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing
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Oct 25, 2008 12:31 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema
MoemaMoemaBrasilia, Distrito Federal Brazil58 Threads 5 Polls 1,054 Posts
somechick: I haven't either but I know some very small who aren't midgets.


Er, some very small what?
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Oct 25, 2008 12:32 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema: Er, some very small what?


Sorry I was laughing so hard at another joke that I left out the word people.Sorry
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Oct 25, 2008 12:37 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema
MoemaMoemaBrasilia, Distrito Federal Brazil58 Threads 5 Polls 1,054 Posts
somechick: Sorry I was laughing so hard at another joke that I left out the word people.Sorry


Ok but I still didn´t get the point...dunno
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Oct 25, 2008 12:52 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema: Ok but I still didn´t get the point...



That there are some people in this world who think that there so much better then someone else and are mean just because they can be. That's what I meant by small people.
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Oct 25, 2008 2:39 PM CST Stooie's One Liner's...... enjoy
Moema
MoemaMoemaBrasilia, Distrito Federal Brazil58 Threads 5 Polls 1,054 Posts
somechick: That there are some people in this world who think that there so much better then someone else and are mean just because they can be. That's what I meant by small people.


I was hoping you´d be clear...
wink
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by stooie1971 (131 Threads)
Created: Oct 2008
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