Betrayal and Blame ( Archived) (90)

Hi Lus,

You seem to be looking for honest answers, in an open environment, so I´m going to take that as a start. I´m going to tell you something about my own experience. Maybe you will find it useful to your purpose, maybe you won´t but I´ll try.

First of all, I´ve learned to take every bump and fall as an opportunity to learn something, and what I have gathered from this is that there´s always something I´ve overlooked. There´s always some sign that was there all the time, which I chose not to see it because it wasn´t convenient for my needs or desires. So first question, instead of trying to do anything at all, is (for me) to examine my conscience - as honestly as I can - and try to find what it was that I overlooked, and why.

If I realize I was wrong, I apologize and watch myself so I don´t do it again, for my own sake, so I don´t have to go through that sort of pain and loss again. Or if I still think I´m right, I know that I´m going to clash with whoever is accusing me, and they do that because they feel they´ve been wronged somehow. In that case, I will have to deal with the consequences of having a different opinion from theirs, which may mean ending a friendship (I just did, last week), facing difficulties (at work for instance) and other things.

Then comes the part of choosing how to deal with those problems in a way that makes you feel good, in peace with yourself. You can´t avoid losses. They´ll always be there. As you "grow up", problems get more and more complex, according to the level of responsibility you´re prepared to take on.

So what I can say to you is this: take responsibility for YOUR own acts. You can´t demand justice on others, you can´t save the world, you aren´t always right, you can´t fix other people, and so on. All you can do is choose what to hold on to, what to let go and how that affects your "trip" on this planet. You will find you don´t certain things, and how to stay away from them, and that´s YOUR responsibility.

I believe we create the world we live in, and I´ll explain to you why I think that, because it´s it´s not toilet time psychology self-help. It´s something I read once and have tried to follow as much as my human, imperfect condition and understanding allow me...

Watch your thoughts: they become your words.
Watch your words: they become your actions.
Watch your actions: they become your habits.
Watch your habits: they become your character.
Wacth your character: it becomes your destiny.

Where are you now and where are you going? What is truly important to you? What do you want to experience, what kind of people do you want around you, how do you want to live? It´s acknowledging those things that you make the right choices - for YOU - and sticking to them you do the appropriate things, the ones you need to do to get there. And then the rest doesn´t really matter.

Hope this is worth something...
Take care.