Betrayal and Blame (90)
jlw45: eight words of wisdom come to mind, that robin williams once said......''joke 'em if they can't take a f*ck''..........
Hey, silly.
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druidess6308: Luscious, many others have already responded with enough advice and wisdom for me not to have much to add, except that I believe I know what you're speaking about, and I agree that I don't get involved behind the scenes...however, I want you to know that you have my friendship. You are a wise woman for such a young age, and have had plenty of experience for it. And you seem to be a bit like me...I do something, or say something, and have it blow up at me while I go "WTF was that about?"...luckily as I've gotten older I've learned how to avoid some of those pitfalls...mainly by having stepped in my share of pits.
We learn, we go on...it's part of your life learning experience. Yep...it's confusing and it hurts. Time will heal it and someday you won't even remember it, or it will come to mind when somebody else is in a similar situation and you'll be able to advise them about how you finally worked through it. You'll get through this. You're a strong lady. I haven't seen it turn general enmity toward you, so it will be ok in the end.
We learn, we go on...it's part of your life learning experience. Yep...it's confusing and it hurts. Time will heal it and someday you won't even remember it, or it will come to mind when somebody else is in a similar situation and you'll be able to advise them about how you finally worked through it. You'll get through this. You're a strong lady. I haven't seen it turn general enmity toward you, so it will be ok in the end.
Thank you! I am so glad i can be around people like you. Thank you for understanding.
I will avoid those pitfalls, because i'm one myself.
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lusciousmile: Hey, silly.
hey, gorgeous------ This thread is Archived ------
rwantin: This is, no doubt, quite complicated, perhaps more than I can sort out after a very long day at the office.
I will say this: You should know if your confidence was betrayed - if so, accept and move on. If not, well, accept and move on anyway.
Reconciling this situation seems to require the confluence of you and the parties involved. This also seems like it may or may not happen, perhaps the latter.
Life can be like that. We want things neat, clear, cleaned up, etc. There are times where this is simply not possible, and the introspection can drive you mad.
I agree with the others that there is something to be learned here.
Hang in there.
I will say this: You should know if your confidence was betrayed - if so, accept and move on. If not, well, accept and move on anyway.
Reconciling this situation seems to require the confluence of you and the parties involved. This also seems like it may or may not happen, perhaps the latter.
Life can be like that. We want things neat, clear, cleaned up, etc. There are times where this is simply not possible, and the introspection can drive you mad.
I agree with the others that there is something to be learned here.
Hang in there.
I will move on, i do however have to admit that i feel much better just talking it out. I feel like a load has been taken off my shoulders. Yes, there may be no reconciliation between us, but i'm glad i'm not damaged. Thank God.
Thanks Wobbert.
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dillinger: it would appear that you are making a private drama a public one. i'm certainly not trying to judge you or solve your personality traits. I doubt they need to be solved. often people get tangled up in things which take on more importance than they're actually worth. as I say these are merely words on a screen.
Thank you.
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good job
its over then?
i dunno i dont wanna know
and i get tired of people getting upset about frickin strangers and the dating thing
i hang out with 14 yr olds i tell them the same thing
dating is normal and healthy-if ya dont take it too serious too soon
gaaaaaaaaa
its over then?
i dunno i dont wanna know
and i get tired of people getting upset about frickin strangers and the dating thing
i hang out with 14 yr olds i tell them the same thing
dating is normal and healthy-if ya dont take it too serious too soon
gaaaaaaaaa
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lusciousmile: Thank you! I am so glad i can be around people like you. Thank you for understanding.I will avoid those pitfalls, because i'm one myself.
Silly woman...
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mindfful: good job
its over then?
i dunno i dont wanna know
and i get tired of people getting upset about frickin strangers and the dating thingi hang out with 14 yr olds i tell them the same thing
dating is normal and healthy-if ya dont take it too serious too soon
gaaaaaaaaa
its over then?
i dunno i dont wanna know
and i get tired of people getting upset about frickin strangers and the dating thingi hang out with 14 yr olds i tell them the same thing
dating is normal and healthy-if ya dont take it too serious too soon
gaaaaaaaaa
I went on a date, the man went to the bathrooms, took off with the waitress through the window and left me to pay the bill.
Honestly though, this not anything serious, was just having fun with the man, then he disappeared at a 'convenient' time. I naturally got worried.
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druidess6308: Silly woman...
That's me.
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jlw45: hey, gorgeous
Be very bad!
I'm off to bed. Night.
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lusciousmile: I went on a date, the man went to the bathrooms, took off with the waitress through the window and left me to pay the bill.
Honestly though, this not anything serious, was just having fun with the man, then he disappeared at a 'convenient' time. I naturally got worried.
Honestly though, this not anything serious, was just having fun with the man, then he disappeared at a 'convenient' time. I naturally got worried.
well of course you did
i always worry when a guy acts like he likes me and then ...
i dunno-i thot i had a joke there
sheet i think im gettin tired
people are weird-
dont worry about it
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Have you ever faced this, with friends, colleagues, school mates, loved ones?
Sweetie, I, also, do not know the story, nor do I really want too. I have read what you posted, several times. Each time I do, I come back to one paragraph that stands out and it is this paragraph,(highlighted), that I believe answers the whole question.
After this one paragraph, are the next two passages(different highlights) which I will also touch on b/c they also speak.
This paragraph I am going to break up abit and then comment on:
The person who betrayed me, has the audacity to 'explain' things to his friends, remember, suddenly they can't say a word to me and i get the blame.
This is the first thing that I noticed. This person, to me, is still fanning the embers.
I feel a person whom talks to people that know or know of (if this is involving people from CS), you, the person whom got hurt, and himself, then starts saying something to others and they cannot say anything to you, and you get the blame.
No. Not so.
This person is trying to make himself look like he was the one wronged. This to me, is the sign of someone whom is not mature enough to accept the responsibility for his part in a situation.
Someone whom does that, is not a friend and not worthy of your efforts to resolve things. By letting him make you feel guilty, you are giving him a victory he does not deserve. You are better off, just cutting out of this and holding your head high, letting go and moving on.
The second thing I noticed is:
[/color]
the person who accused me of this, has said nothing, NOTHING at all, while i keep getting blame for God knows what. I feel like i just cheated with a married man, yet i haven't. Explaining yourself doesn't help, because the person who has been 'hurt' says it's over, tells you to let it go, but clearly they haven't.
This sounds to me like the person whom got hurt, is another woman and like she got broadsided as much as you. She may need to have some time or she may truly like you and feel that she does not want to loose you as friend. It may be that right now she is too torn, to have you explain any thing. I'm not sure here.
This whole post makes me ask, this:This confidence you shared, when you shared it with the Guy, did you know he was involved with or close to the woman whom got hurt before you shared it with him? That could really answer much here.
Either way, you have done your best to apologize, now you need to let time handle the rest.
This next sentence: Here's the funny thing, before the accusations, you get so uneasy, you decide to stop communication.,
[color=darkolivegreen]Lusci, Sweetie, That was your intuition. Honey, when you feel this, You should ALWAYS drop a situation and step back from it.
This next passage: [color=mediumvioletred]Now, everyone else gets comforted and you get nothing but blame. Tell me, should i who was told i did nothing wrong (which i didn't) be the one to blame for this hurt?
[color=darkgreen]This gets pretty much the same answer I gave when I opened this. No. You should not get the blame. You need to just let go and walk away.
Many have given you good advice here, Dru, Sparky, MF,and others I can't remember who all posted now. You are going to have to accept our comfort and just let time sort the rest out. Remember, Sweetie, we are all of us on the outside looking into the situation and we cannot give you an absolute opinion on the situation.
Sweetie, I, also, do not know the story, nor do I really want too. I have read what you posted, several times. Each time I do, I come back to one paragraph that stands out and it is this paragraph,(highlighted), that I believe answers the whole question.
After this one paragraph, are the next two passages(different highlights) which I will also touch on b/c they also speak.
This paragraph I am going to break up abit and then comment on:
The person who betrayed me, has the audacity to 'explain' things to his friends, remember, suddenly they can't say a word to me and i get the blame.
This is the first thing that I noticed. This person, to me, is still fanning the embers.
I feel a person whom talks to people that know or know of (if this is involving people from CS), you, the person whom got hurt, and himself, then starts saying something to others and they cannot say anything to you, and you get the blame.
No. Not so.
This person is trying to make himself look like he was the one wronged. This to me, is the sign of someone whom is not mature enough to accept the responsibility for his part in a situation.
Someone whom does that, is not a friend and not worthy of your efforts to resolve things. By letting him make you feel guilty, you are giving him a victory he does not deserve. You are better off, just cutting out of this and holding your head high, letting go and moving on.
The second thing I noticed is:
[/color]
the person who accused me of this, has said nothing, NOTHING at all, while i keep getting blame for God knows what. I feel like i just cheated with a married man, yet i haven't. Explaining yourself doesn't help, because the person who has been 'hurt' says it's over, tells you to let it go, but clearly they haven't.
This sounds to me like the person whom got hurt, is another woman and like she got broadsided as much as you. She may need to have some time or she may truly like you and feel that she does not want to loose you as friend. It may be that right now she is too torn, to have you explain any thing. I'm not sure here.
This whole post makes me ask, this:This confidence you shared, when you shared it with the Guy, did you know he was involved with or close to the woman whom got hurt before you shared it with him? That could really answer much here.
Either way, you have done your best to apologize, now you need to let time handle the rest.
This next sentence: Here's the funny thing, before the accusations, you get so uneasy, you decide to stop communication.,
[color=darkolivegreen]Lusci, Sweetie, That was your intuition. Honey, when you feel this, You should ALWAYS drop a situation and step back from it.
This next passage: [color=mediumvioletred]Now, everyone else gets comforted and you get nothing but blame. Tell me, should i who was told i did nothing wrong (which i didn't) be the one to blame for this hurt?
[color=darkgreen]This gets pretty much the same answer I gave when I opened this. No. You should not get the blame. You need to just let go and walk away.
Many have given you good advice here, Dru, Sparky, MF,and others I can't remember who all posted now. You are going to have to accept our comfort and just let time sort the rest out. Remember, Sweetie, we are all of us on the outside looking into the situation and we cannot give you an absolute opinion on the situation.
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Lucious.......... Just my opinion my dear....
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are..
I once heard someone say that to have love for another is to have the ability to confront them when we see them doing something damaging to themselves or to another..
Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are..
I once heard someone say that to have love for another is to have the ability to confront them when we see them doing something damaging to themselves or to another..
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lusciousmile:
1. I'm confused, if i wasn't doing something wrong ( which i think is true), then should i feel my confidence was betrayed? Help me out here.
2, If i was doing something wrong all the while, why didn't this person who seemed to respect me, not let me know or try to correct me themselves? Why did i have to hear from a third party that i did something wrong? Why did this person never even try to stop communication with me (the wrong doer) before i did?
Opinions?
1. I'm confused, if i wasn't doing something wrong ( which i think is true), then should i feel my confidence was betrayed? Help me out here.
2, If i was doing something wrong all the while, why didn't this person who seemed to respect me, not let me know or try to correct me themselves? Why did i have to hear from a third party that i did something wrong? Why did this person never even try to stop communication with me (the wrong doer) before i did?
Opinions?
Lush, none of us here know the details (not that we should) and even though you got wise advice and honest opinions from many people here, it's all general statements and only you (well, and two others know how to apply it to this situation).
The fact that a private drama became a public one was not your wrong doing and knowing you as a straight forward, honest and classy person I do believe it could've and should've been addressed and resolved in private. At least an attempt should've been made.
One of the other 2 people involved is also a decent and honest person (don't know the 3rd one) and (again not knowing what what happened) it's hard for me to understand how and why it escalated to harsh public accusations.
lusciousmile: If i'm guilty, i was thinking he probably is as well. He probably told her something different. I saw no resistance from the poor man. : Strange as hell, if i think i don't want to talk to a person i normally tell them myself, before reporting them to my boyfriend. I don't encourage communication either, as it would beat the purpose of it all.
if it ALL boils down to just talking, flirting with a "taken" man (and I have no reason to doubt your words),
in general... it's a dating site, that's why we are here. You have NO obligations to any one of man's potential, prospective, current, real or imaginary attachments - if he is attached, it's HIS obligation to be true and faithful to his girlfriend or fiance, NOT yours.
As for life lessons, you've heard
enough from others. Besides, you yourself can teach ppl a lesson or two. I hope you already feel better about all this.------ This thread is Archived ------
lusciousmile- So sorry you take my comment the wrong way-- look there are three sides... but you know the truth so dose the other person --Why try to justfy something you can't fix. Don't -- take the attitude "at least they talking about you because you are great." That's it. No matter how much you try to make things right they won't let be right . Darlin you are too beautiful to allow other's make you unhappy. 
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I am sorry you had to go through that...
Well I've learned that lesson long time ago so I am really picky about the people I share secrets or feelings with...
There is a saying: Secret is no longer a secret when shared
Well I've learned that lesson long time ago so I am really picky about the people I share secrets or feelings with...
There is a saying: Secret is no longer a secret when shared
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lusciousmile: There was no real friendship between me and the person i hurt, they say i have, but won't tell me what it is.
Thanks.
If someone say's that I have hurt them,yet refuse to tell me the Circumstances,I would have to assume that it is at least in part a scheme to make me feel guilty about something.Thanks.
If someone has hurt me,I ought to at least know how,and be able to explain.
Those unspecified "You Hurt Me's" are used to send another person on a Guilt Trip.
Don't let them do it.
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lusciousmile: My question is, how would YOU resolve this?
I would make my best effort to let it be known that I had no ill intentions. Given that I was not acting in a malevolent way, there is likely one of the following at the source of the problem, another's malevolent action, a mistake, or a missunderstanding. If I had any information which would help sort out the source of the problem I would share that as well. Once I had exercised my best effort to resolve the problem, I would let it rest.
It then becomes a matter of moving on, if the others come around so be it. If not you have the comfort of knowing you made a reasonable effort.
Put it in the hands of time, try to remeber that emotion is not at all rational, and the two rarely occupy the same space.
Generally over time, emotional response will weaken allowing rational thought to return.
I approached this as simple logic question, my answer should not by considered as an act of taking sides,
or as a personal assesment of any parties who may be involved.
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Thanks everyone!
I can't quote everyone right now ( except you, x-rebel, you're special) but i have read everything you have said, wanted to show you my appreciation for taking the time to read, and try to guide me. I will take something from that and incorporate into my own life. Hopefully i can be a wiser person today than i was yesterday, like everyone should be.
Now, if anyone can help with my thesis.
Ok. that i will deal with my supervisor.
Back to finishing my studies, i spend so much time here, my twin can 'sense' it.
She can't sense anything, it's probably a lucky guess.
I can't quote everyone right now ( except you, x-rebel, you're special
) but i have read everything you have said, wanted to show you my appreciation for taking the time to read, and try to guide me. I will take something from that and incorporate into my own life. Hopefully i can be a wiser person today than i was yesterday, like everyone should be. Now, if anyone can help with my thesis.
Ok. that i will deal with my supervisor.
Back to finishing my studies, i spend so much time here, my twin can 'sense' it.
She can't sense anything, it's probably a lucky guess.
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this IS about CS?
and a man?
ohnoooooooooooooo
i cannot stand if there is drama before a commitment
i mean has anyone ever heard of dating?
theres no wrong in 'dating' more than one person at a time
and i dont feel everyone involved needs to know
if its one of the daters that tells-thats just weird and der-AMA
i think the question would be what does that talkative dater
hope to gain from talking?
you either date people and then narrow the field or -i dont know
but man whats that saying? discretion is the better part of valor?sounds messy
If i'm guilty, i was thinking he probably is as well. He probably told her something different. I saw no resistance from the poor man. : Strange as hell, if i think i don't want to talk to a person i normally tell them myself, before reporting them to my boyfriend. I don't encourage communication either, as it would beat the purpose of it all.