Betrayal and Blame (90)
lusciousmile: Have you ever faced this, with friends, colleagues, school mates, loved ones?
I have felt this.
You share a secret, or sentiment with someone, someone who encourages it and continuously says you are doing nothing wrong. Someone else finds out, you get the fall, alone. Suddenly it's a bad thing you have been doing. Ever heard of three sides of a story? Well that's the case.
Accusations, innuendos through friends, collegues or family, any attempt to make you out to be a villain. Remember this, whatever you did, you did in confidence, and didn't mean to hurt anyone. Kinda like your slip showing.
I have been feeling this for a while now, and the person who accused me of this, has said nothing, NOTHING at all, while i keep getting blame for God knows what. The person who betrayed me, has the audacity to 'explain' things to his friends, remember, suddenly they can't say a word to me and i get the blame. I feel like i just cheated with a married man, yet i haven't. Explaining yourself doesn't help, because the person who has been 'hurt' says it's over, tells you to let it go, but clearly they haven't.
Here's the funny thing, before the accusations, you get so uneasy, you decide to stop communication.
Now, everyone else gets comforted and you get nothing but blame. Tell me, should i who was told i did nothing wrong (which i didn't) be the one to blame for this hurt?
My question is, how would YOU resolve this?
I want honest answers, because i have tried to work it out myself but can't, why, because i need answers i am not getting.No forum kamikaze her, just ideas to solve this. I have never in my year here, felt such confusion, yet i have dated a man, not a man i exchanged an email with, but a man i deeply cared for, respected and spent my time with. Now this, because of a man i never even thought i would ever meet.1. I'm confused, if i wasn't doing something wrong ( which i think is true), then should i feel my confidence was betrayed? Help me out here.
2, If i was doing something wrong all the while, why didn't this person who seemed to respect me, not let me know or try to correct me themselves? Why did i have to hear from a third party that i did something wrong? Why did this person never even try to stop communication with me (the wrong doer) before i did?
Opinions?
I have felt this.
You share a secret, or sentiment with someone, someone who encourages it and continuously says you are doing nothing wrong. Someone else finds out, you get the fall, alone. Suddenly it's a bad thing you have been doing. Ever heard of three sides of a story? Well that's the case.
Accusations, innuendos through friends, collegues or family, any attempt to make you out to be a villain. Remember this, whatever you did, you did in confidence, and didn't mean to hurt anyone. Kinda like your slip showing.
I have been feeling this for a while now, and the person who accused me of this, has said nothing, NOTHING at all, while i keep getting blame for God knows what. The person who betrayed me, has the audacity to 'explain' things to his friends, remember, suddenly they can't say a word to me and i get the blame. I feel like i just cheated with a married man, yet i haven't. Explaining yourself doesn't help, because the person who has been 'hurt' says it's over, tells you to let it go, but clearly they haven't.
Here's the funny thing, before the accusations, you get so uneasy, you decide to stop communication.
Now, everyone else gets comforted and you get nothing but blame. Tell me, should i who was told i did nothing wrong (which i didn't) be the one to blame for this hurt?
My question is, how would YOU resolve this?
I want honest answers, because i have tried to work it out myself but can't, why, because i need answers i am not getting.No forum kamikaze her, just ideas to solve this. I have never in my year here, felt such confusion, yet i have dated a man, not a man i exchanged an email with, but a man i deeply cared for, respected and spent my time with. Now this, because of a man i never even thought i would ever meet.1. I'm confused, if i wasn't doing something wrong ( which i think is true), then should i feel my confidence was betrayed? Help me out here.
2, If i was doing something wrong all the while, why didn't this person who seemed to respect me, not let me know or try to correct me themselves? Why did i have to hear from a third party that i did something wrong? Why did this person never even try to stop communication with me (the wrong doer) before i did?
Opinions?
If you were to come to me in confidence and tell me something that you needed to be kept between you and I, no matter what it was, it would stay that way, I think your friend was in the wrong by telling someone else what you told them.. Your so called friend if he/she disagreed with what you said should have been friend enough to tell you.. and then explored the possibility of a way of working out the situation without involving anyone else.. jmo
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OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY.....
I´M OUTTA HERE.
I´M OUTTA HERE.
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Moema: Hey you guys, I just had a great idea!!!
WHY DON´T WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL LET THE F*** GO OF THIS TOPIC??????
WHY DON´T WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL LET THE F*** GO OF THIS TOPIC??????
Moema, you didn't have a problem when i responded to your lengthy post last night, now, i am so busy, yet found it appropriate to take a little time off my busy November, to come show my gratitude.
If you find anything offensive in what i have just said to my friends, who i have spoken to longer than you, then i suggest you don't look.
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Daniel4021: If you were to come to me in confidence and tell me something that you needed to be kept between you and I, no matter what it was, it would stay that way, I think your friend was in the wrong by telling someone else what you told them.. Your so called friend if he/she disagreed with what you said should have been friend enough to tell you.. and then explored the possibility of a way of working out the situation without involving anyone else.. jmo
Thank you, Daniel.
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lusciousmile: Thank you, Daniel.
your welcome, I don't know the whole story, but I think I would have suggested depending on the sevearity of what was said that you confront this person about whatever you have with them, but that would be your place to do, and not mine to do for you..
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lusciousmile: This person who got hurt, to my knowledge (it has been said publicly), has been the one apologising to the man we have both been talking too.Strange.
Two women one Man.........what's going on here.....sounds like a competition for one heart.....
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Detective L, in all this confusion of trying to figure out what the hell happened and who stabbed who in the back I am more confused than ever, I have tried to reread it where I could get a mental note of what all happened but to be honest with you and you said that is what you wanted I cannot make heads or tales, so I will say this and try not to draw it out.
If you did something that somebody else has shamed you for and it really is not a shameful thing then I would not try and convince anyone, after all they don't walk in your shoes. If somebody were to backstab me after I told them something in confidentiality? I would never tell them anything else. If you are clear in all accusations thrown at you then why try to convince anyone? don't you have better things to do in life than to try and appease another that is already thinking bad about you anyway? hell girl, pull up those big girl britches and don't worry about what they say or how they say it, ignore them, and walk on with your life. We as humans only allow complications in our life, ALLOW being the operative word in that sentence, sorry, not knowing more than I know that is the best I could do, because it is what I would do
If you did something that somebody else has shamed you for and it really is not a shameful thing then I would not try and convince anyone, after all they don't walk in your shoes. If somebody were to backstab me after I told them something in confidentiality? I would never tell them anything else. If you are clear in all accusations thrown at you then why try to convince anyone? don't you have better things to do in life than to try and appease another that is already thinking bad about you anyway? hell girl, pull up those big girl britches and don't worry about what they say or how they say it, ignore them, and walk on with your life. We as humans only allow complications in our life, ALLOW being the operative word in that sentence, sorry, not knowing more than I know that is the best I could do, because it is what I would do
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Daniel4021: your welcome, I don't know the whole story, but I think I would have suggested depending on the sevearity of what was said that you confront this person about whatever you have with them, but that would be your place to do, and not mine to do for you..
The person had nothing to say for themselves, they betrayed me by twisting things around. I have realised that can't be changed, so i will not insist.
Thanks Daniel, i'll go do something productive with my thesis now.
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stefonline: Two women one Man.........what's going on here.....sounds like a competition for one heart.....
It's not a competition, when one is a competitor and the other just participating in the event.
I have an icebox, not a heart, so i couldn't enrol in the competiton.
Hi,
irishlass45: Detective L, in all this confusion of trying to figure out what the hell happened and who stabbed who in the back I am more confused than ever, I have tried to reread it where I could get a mental note of what all happened but to be honest with you and you said that is what you wanted I cannot make heads or tales, so I will say this and try not to draw it out.
If you did something that somebody else has shamed you for and it really is not a shameful thing then I would not try and convince anyone, after all they don't walk in your shoes. If somebody were to backstab me after I told them something in confidentiality? I would never tell them anything else. If you are clear in all accusations thrown at you then why try to convince anyone? don't you have better things to do in life than to try and appease another that is already thinking bad about you anyway? hell girl, pull up those big girl britches and don't worry about what they say or how they say it, ignore them, and walk on with your life. We as humans only allow complications in our life, ALLOW being the operative word in that sentence, sorry, not knowing more than I know that is the best I could do, because it is what I would do
If you did something that somebody else has shamed you for and it really is not a shameful thing then I would not try and convince anyone, after all they don't walk in your shoes. If somebody were to backstab me after I told them something in confidentiality? I would never tell them anything else. If you are clear in all accusations thrown at you then why try to convince anyone? don't you have better things to do in life than to try and appease another that is already thinking bad about you anyway? hell girl, pull up those big girl britches and don't worry about what they say or how they say it, ignore them, and walk on with your life. We as humans only allow complications in our life, ALLOW being the operative word in that sentence, sorry, not knowing more than I know that is the best I could do, because it is what I would do
Yep, i will neither appease, nor get answers, but i have closure now, from talking about it.
Thanks. I'm still a detective, can't you see.
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All the best luscious. I haven't commented, because I found it all too confusing. two friends, a man, married it seems? No idea. Sorry, but glad you have it all resolved.
(By the way, always wanted to ask, why have you called me Dr. all those times Just curious. Cus I'm not one. But I always responded to it, as it became a bit of a joke. )
(By the way, always wanted to ask, why have you called me Dr. all those times
Just curious. Cus I'm not one. But I always responded to it, as it became a bit of a joke. )------ This thread is Archived ------
venere08: All the best luscious. I haven't commented, because I found it all too confusing. two friends, a man, married it seems? No idea. Sorry, but glad you have it all resolved.
(By the way, always wanted to ask, why have you called me Dr. all those times Just curious. Cus I'm not one. But I always responded to it, as it became a bit of a joke. )
(By the way, always wanted to ask, why have you called me Dr. all those times Just curious. Cus I'm not one. But I always responded to it, as it became a bit of a joke. )
No worries.Yes, you've said you aren't a doctor, but i just use it because you are in the medical field. We first started talking on a psychology thread and that's why i used it there. See, i have good memory.
Thanks.
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lusciousmile: No worries.Yes, you've said you aren't a doctor, but i just use it because you are in the medical field. We first started talking on a psychology thread and that's why i used it there. See, i have good memory. Thanks.
You must have a better memory than I have, as I don't recall ever being on a psychology thread. I tend to stay away from such things. They sound way too serious for me!!! But that's ok. It started somewhere and it was afun thing. That's all that counts!
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venere08: You must have a better memory than I have, as I don't recall ever being on a psychology thread. I tend to stay away from such things. They sound way too serious for me!!! But that's ok. It started somewhere and it was afun thing. That's all that counts!
Kamelia had a thread, and her most unwell patients were me and Ray. Ray eventually took off with a nurse (he is still unwell).
I got full recovery and the janitor.
Rememeber now?
Off to finish school work.
Later.
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lusciousmile: It's not a competition, when one is a competitor and the other just participating in the event.I have an icebox, not a heart, so i couldn't enrol in the competiton.
Hi,
Yep, i will neither appease, nor get answers, but i have closure now, from talking about it. Thanks. I'm still a detective, can't you see.
Hi,
Yep, i will neither appease, nor get answers, but i have closure now, from talking about it. Thanks. I'm still a detective, can't you see.
yes I see!two things. 1.choose your friends more carefully
and 2. Don't do it again
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Moema: Hey you guys, I just had a great idea!!!
WHY DON´T WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL LET THE F*** GO OF THIS TOPIC??????
WHY DON´T WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL LET THE F*** GO OF THIS TOPIC??????
Moema: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH BOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYYY.....
I´M OUTTA HERE.
I´M OUTTA HERE.
------ This thread is Archived ------
lusciousmile: Kamelia had a thread, and her most unwell patients were me and Ray. Ray eventually took off with a nurse (he is still unwell).
I got full recovery and the janitor.
Rememeber now?
Off to finish school work. Later.
I got full recovery and the janitor.
Rememeber now?
Off to finish school work. Later.
Vaguely luscious. As you can attest, so much goes on here. Most of it I do not choose to retain. I'm sure you fully understand that!
Be well. All the best with your thesis. Dr Luscious? ------ This thread is Archived ------
Moema: Before anyone feels personally attacked by what I said: if you´re not one of the vultures I mentioned, no need to be offended, right? But if anyone feels like crucifying me, go right ahead, since I´m not coming back to this thread because I´ve got nothing more to add.
I know there are vultures around and those who don't care ( they shouldn't), but i think i only care for what my real friends said. If it's veiled and makes sense, cool, i still learn.
I know your intentions are genuine, but also remember that you or any other person here, has started threads, and everyone else has their opinion on how important they are.
I've seen hundreds of those 'who really cares?' threads as well.
It's not a tragedy because little lush decides to talk about something serious, but thanks for the good wishes, i reciprocate them.
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laura225: How much 'added gasoline' you saw on this thread?
Your post is not about vultures, methinks
Your post is not about vultures, methinks
I know you care, and that is all that matters.
You know that!!!!
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lusciousmile: It's not a tragedy because little lush decides to talk about something serious,
I really don't understand how anyone can criticise a thread that someone starts. That is waht threds are for. Self expression, adn we can choose any topic. All that needs to happen is to follow the rules of conduct and all will be well.
Surely, if there is a thread topic that you don't like, or once you take a peek and you don't like the content, guess what we can do?
LEAVE. GO ELSEWHERE. START YOUR OWN THREAD....
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WHY DON´T WE AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL LET THE F*** GO OF THIS TOPIC??????